(In an ice cream
parlor at a beach town during the summer, the line snakes out the door and
around the corner of the building late at night. Behind the counter, Manager and three Employees
field multiple orders at a time from large groups, with no breaks from the
never-ending line)
Manager:
(Smiling while handing over several cones and cups to a multi-generational
party, who take the desserts and run) Here ya go! (Immediately rings up the order from memory
and addresses the group’s representative) That’ll be $40.87.
Customer 1:
(Freezes while digging out a wallet) It wasn’t that high last year.
Manager: (Still
smiling, briefly points to the giant sign on the wall behind the counter
listing all the food, drinks, and prices) Well, prices are all posted, and as
you know, this is a family-run business with all our specialty, hand-crafted
tastes and treats made with the utmost care and love – and all that ain’t
gettin’ any cheaper. (Holds out a hand)
$40.87, please.
Customer 1:
(Counts out exact change) Here – next time I’m telling them all to order the
smallest size.
Manager: (Dumps
the cash into the register) You do you.
(As Customer 1 starts to turn away, Manager slides the tip jar over)
Ah-ah-ah.
Customer 1: I
thought you said this was family-run?
Don’t you get all the profit?
Manager: Me and
behind-the-scenes are family – (Nods at Employees) That crew’s a bunch of
doomed college students who’ll need all the help they can get.
Employee 1:
(Freezes mid-scoop) Huh?
Manager: Like
you don’t know – (Points to the ice cream carton) and make sure you don’t sweat
in that thing like last night! (Employee
1 ducks out of the case while finishing scooping as Manager cheerfully turns
back to Customer 1) So?
Customer 1:
(Tosses a dollar into the jar) Vacations ain’t getting’ any cheaper,
either. (Leaves)
Manager: (Mutters)
I’ll bet. (Loudly) Next!
Customer 2:
(Approaches the counter) Hi, can I have a… (Squints up at the giant sign)
Rootin’ Tootin’ Banana Split Fruitin’ Fudge Brownie –
Manager: Yeah, I
really need to shorten that title; what size?
Customer 2:
GRANDE.
Manager: Ohh-kaay,
that’s a large. (Briefly taps Employee
2’s shoulder as the latter is topping off a sundae) When you’re done with that
order, go in the back and make up a large #4.
Employee 2:
(Whines) Aw, Boss, do I have to?
Manager: (Stares
balefully at Employee 2) Yes! You’re the
only one here besides me who can make it competently, and I am not leaving
this counter unsupervised! And it’s your
job, so get moving. (Turns back to
Customer 2) That’ll be a few minutes – (Points to a nearby table) Would you
mind waiting there until it’s done, please?
You can pay when it’s delivered to you.
Customer 2: With
great anticipation. (Spins around,
glides over to the table, and slides onto the chair)
Manager: (Quietly)
Oh my. (To the rest of the room) Next!
Customer 3:
(Steps up to the counter, very intense) Hello.
Manager:
Hi! How can I help you?
Customer 3: I
would like a small hot chocolate, please.
(Everyone else
in the ice cream parlor freezes; mouths drop open in shock and/or mid-bite, and
ice cream falls off scoops and back into cartons, unchecked)
Manager: (Trying
to maintain a smile) …Come again?
Customer 3: You
heard me.
Manager: We… don’t
serve hot chocolate here.
Customer 4: (On line
by the front door) Yeah, `cause this is an ice cream parlor, ya weirdo!
Customer 3:
(Ignoring the comment) I see that you serve coffee here, correct?
Manager: Yes, rarely
–
Customer 3: Well
then: use the same milk steamer that you would use for that, and pour some
syrup or melt some fudge in it, and there you are. Oh, and some of your homemade mini marshmallows
to top it off would be most appreciated.
Manager: It’s…
more of an… off-season menu item….
Customer 3: I
fail to discern the issue here.
Customer 5: (In
the middle of the line) That’s right: I see everyone else having hot coffee and
hot tea all summer long, what’s the big deal?!
(Is shoved back toward the door by other Customers)
(Employee 2
slowly emerges from the back delicately carrying an extremely large platter
laden with brownies, fruit, candy, and more toppings than ice cream)
Employee 2: All
righty, who ordered the Rootin’ Tootin’ – ?
Manager: (Still
locking eyes with Customer 3) NOT! NOW!
Employee 2:
(Immediately turns around and heads into the back) Okey dokey.
Manager: (Turns
and points to Employee 3) You: turn on the steamer, grab five tablespoons of
chocolate chips, and make a small hot chocolate topped with mini marshmallows.
Employee 3:
(Panicking) But Boss, it’s the middle of summer, this just isn’t done!
Manager: That’s
an order, Rising Sophomore! (Employee 3
wails while turning on the steamer and scrambling to gather the chocolate
chips) Welcome to the real world,
kiddo! (Turns back to Customer 3 with a
strained smile) Anything else?
Customer 3: No,
that’ll be all for tonight, thank you.
Manager: (Types
into the register) That’ll be $4.00… plus an extra 90 cents for the topping.
Customer 3:
(Hands over $5.00) Keep the dime.
(Shoves a few dollars into the tip jar) For your trouble.
Manager: (Strained
smile) Thank you. It’s no trouble.
Employee 3: (Carefully
walks over to Customer 3 and shakily hands over the hot chocolate, sniffling)
One small hot chocolate with mini-marshmallows topping.
Customer 3:
(Takes the cup) I thank you. (Turns to
leave)
Manager: DON’T –
(Customer 3 turns back) you want to try it out?
Make sure it was made to your… satisfaction?
Customer 3: (Smiles
bitterly) I trust the integrity of your family-run business and doomed college
staff. (Turns around slowly to address
the waiting Customers) I will not be shamed further by your judgmental views of
my dessert beverage of choice, just because it’s not the stereotypical season
for it! Or iced! Or coffee!
Or tea! Hypocrites! (The other Customers lower their heads,
chastened) Besides – it’s too hot and
I’ll burn my mouth if I drink it right now.
(Rushes through the parting crowd and out the door, cackling)
(A few moments
of embarrassed silence, until – )
Customer 2:
(Raises hand while sitting at the table) Excuse me? Can I have my #4 now, please?
Manager: (Shakes
self out of daze as Employees begin taking orders from Customers again) Oh
yeah, sorry – it’s on the house. (Yells
at the back) #4, you’re up!
Employee 2:
(Peeks head out) Is it safe to come out now?
Manager: Yes,
before the whole thing melts! Just bring
it to Table 1!
Employee 2:
(Slowly emerges from the back delicately carrying the platter again) Right:
which one’s Table 1?
Manager: (Stares
at Employee 2 in disbelief) The only table with a customer sitting at it!
Employee 2:
Gotcha. (Brings the large dessert to
Customer 2 and sets it gently on the table) Here ya go!
Customer 2:
Thanks ever so much. (Employee 2 rushes
back to the counter; Customer 2 takes a spoon that was stuck into the dessert
and whispers to the giant mass of sugar) At last, you are mine.
Manager: (To the
crowd) Next!
Customer 6:
(Steps up to the counter) Wow, I bet when you started this business you never
thought you’d have an order for hot chocolate in the summer,
huh?
Manager: True,
but I also never thought I’d be serving ice cream to dozens of people past
midnight either, and yet, here we are.
