Story 552: Off-Season Hot Chocolate

             (In an ice cream parlor at a beach town during the summer, the line snakes out the door and around the corner of the building late at night.  Behind the counter, Manager and three Employees field multiple orders at a time from large groups, with no breaks from the never-ending line)

Manager: (Smiling while handing over several cones and cups to a multi-generational party, who take the desserts and run) Here ya go!  (Immediately rings up the order from memory and addresses the group’s representative) That’ll be $40.87.

Customer 1: (Freezes while digging out a wallet) It wasn’t that high last year.

Manager: (Still smiling, briefly points to the giant sign on the wall behind the counter listing all the food, drinks, and prices) Well, prices are all posted, and as you know, this is a family-run business with all our specialty, hand-crafted tastes and treats made with the utmost care and love – and all that ain’t gettin’ any cheaper.  (Holds out a hand) $40.87, please.

Customer 1: (Counts out exact change) Here – next time I’m telling them all to order the smallest size.

Manager: (Dumps the cash into the register) You do you.  (As Customer 1 starts to turn away, Manager slides the tip jar over) Ah-ah-ah.

Customer 1: I thought you said this was family-run?  Don’t you get all the profit?

Manager: Me and behind-the-scenes are family – (Nods at Employees) That crew’s a bunch of doomed college students who’ll need all the help they can get.

Employee 1: (Freezes mid-scoop) Huh?

Manager: Like you don’t know – (Points to the ice cream carton) and make sure you don’t sweat in that thing like last night!  (Employee 1 ducks out of the case while finishing scooping as Manager cheerfully turns back to Customer 1) So?

Customer 1: (Tosses a dollar into the jar) Vacations ain’t getting’ any cheaper, either.  (Leaves)

Manager: (Mutters) I’ll bet.  (Loudly) Next!

Customer 2: (Approaches the counter) Hi, can I have a… (Squints up at the giant sign) Rootin’ Tootin’ Banana Split Fruitin’ Fudge Brownie –

Manager: Yeah, I really need to shorten that title; what size?

Customer 2: GRANDE.

Manager: Ohh-kaay, that’s a large.  (Briefly taps Employee 2’s shoulder as the latter is topping off a sundae) When you’re done with that order, go in the back and make up a large #4.

Employee 2: (Whines) Aw, Boss, do I have to?

Manager: (Stares balefully at Employee 2) Yes!  You’re the only one here besides me who can make it competently, and I am not leaving this counter unsupervised!  And it’s your job, so get moving.  (Turns back to Customer 2) That’ll be a few minutes – (Points to a nearby table) Would you mind waiting there until it’s done, please?  You can pay when it’s delivered to you.

Customer 2: With great anticipation.  (Spins around, glides over to the table, and slides onto the chair)

Manager: (Quietly) Oh my.  (To the rest of the room) Next!

Customer 3: (Steps up to the counter, very intense) Hello.

Manager: Hi!  How can I help you?

Customer 3: I would like a small hot chocolate, please.

(Everyone else in the ice cream parlor freezes; mouths drop open in shock and/or mid-bite, and ice cream falls off scoops and back into cartons, unchecked)

Manager: (Trying to maintain a smile) …Come again?

Customer 3: You heard me.

Manager: We… don’t serve hot chocolate here.

Customer 4: (On line by the front door) Yeah, `cause this is an ice cream parlor, ya weirdo!

Customer 3: (Ignoring the comment) I see that you serve coffee here, correct?

Manager: Yes, rarely –

Customer 3: Well then: use the same milk steamer that you would use for that, and pour some syrup or melt some fudge in it, and there you are.  Oh, and some of your homemade mini marshmallows to top it off would be most appreciated.

Manager: It’s… more of an… off-season menu item….

Customer 3: I fail to discern the issue here.

Customer 5: (In the middle of the line) That’s right: I see everyone else having hot coffee and hot tea all summer long, what’s the big deal?!  (Is shoved back toward the door by other Customers)

(Employee 2 slowly emerges from the back delicately carrying an extremely large platter laden with brownies, fruit, candy, and more toppings than ice cream)

Employee 2: All righty, who ordered the Rootin’ Tootin’ – ?

Manager: (Still locking eyes with Customer 3) NOT!  NOW!

Employee 2: (Immediately turns around and heads into the back) Okey dokey.

Manager: (Turns and points to Employee 3) You: turn on the steamer, grab five tablespoons of chocolate chips, and make a small hot chocolate topped with mini marshmallows.

Employee 3: (Panicking) But Boss, it’s the middle of summer, this just isn’t done!

Manager: That’s an order, Rising Sophomore!  (Employee 3 wails while turning on the steamer and scrambling to gather the chocolate chips)  Welcome to the real world, kiddo!  (Turns back to Customer 3 with a strained smile) Anything else?

Customer 3: No, that’ll be all for tonight, thank you.

Manager: (Types into the register) That’ll be $4.00… plus an extra 90 cents for the topping.

Customer 3: (Hands over $5.00) Keep the dime.  (Shoves a few dollars into the tip jar) For your trouble.

Manager: (Strained smile) Thank you.  It’s no trouble.

Employee 3: (Carefully walks over to Customer 3 and shakily hands over the hot chocolate, sniffling) One small hot chocolate with mini-marshmallows topping.

Customer 3: (Takes the cup) I thank you.  (Turns to leave)

Manager: DON’T – (Customer 3 turns back) you want to try it out?  Make sure it was made to your… satisfaction?

Customer 3: (Smiles bitterly) I trust the integrity of your family-run business and doomed college staff.  (Turns around slowly to address the waiting Customers) I will not be shamed further by your judgmental views of my dessert beverage of choice, just because it’s not the stereotypical season for it!  Or iced!  Or coffee!  Or tea!  Hypocrites!  (The other Customers lower their heads, chastened)  Besides – it’s too hot and I’ll burn my mouth if I drink it right now.  (Rushes through the parting crowd and out the door, cackling)

(A few moments of embarrassed silence, until – )

Customer 2: (Raises hand while sitting at the table) Excuse me?  Can I have my #4 now, please?

Manager: (Shakes self out of daze as Employees begin taking orders from Customers again) Oh yeah, sorry – it’s on the house.  (Yells at the back) #4, you’re up!

Employee 2: (Peeks head out) Is it safe to come out now?

Manager: Yes, before the whole thing melts!  Just bring it to Table 1!

Employee 2: (Slowly emerges from the back delicately carrying the platter again) Right: which one’s Table 1?

Manager: (Stares at Employee 2 in disbelief) The only table with a customer sitting at it!

Employee 2: Gotcha.  (Brings the large dessert to Customer 2 and sets it gently on the table) Here ya go!

Customer 2: Thanks ever so much.  (Employee 2 rushes back to the counter; Customer 2 takes a spoon that was stuck into the dessert and whispers to the giant mass of sugar) At last, you are mine.

Manager: (To the crowd) Next!

Customer 6: (Steps up to the counter) Wow, I bet when you started this business you never thought you’d have an order for hot chocolate in the summer, huh?

Manager: True, but I also never thought I’d be serving ice cream to dozens of people past midnight either, and yet, here we are.

Story 351: Don’t Let a Slight Monster Invasion Ruin Your Vacation

         (A bus stops at the corner of an intersection in a shore town; among the passengers disembarking is Tourist, dragging a rolling suitcase.  Standing on the sidewalk across from the beach, Tourist takes a huge breath and sighs loudly)

            Tourist: At last – peace is mine.

        (Tourist checks into a nearby motel, unpacks, changes into a bathing suit, and immediately dives into the crowded pool)

            Guests: (In the pool and on the surrounding deck, all now drenched) Hey!

            Tourist: Sorry!  But we are all here to get wet, are we not?

            Lifeguard: Roughhouser.

          (Tourist dog paddles around for a minute, then sits on the edge of the pool steps for half an hour)

           Tourist: (Watches as a volleyball game somehow fits in the pool) Yep, can’t get any better than this.  (Sips a soft drink from the poolside bar)

            (A giant shadow falls over the land; everyone looks up to see the Sun momentarily blocked)

            Guest 1: Is that a bird?

            Guest 2: Silly, no bird is that big!  Looks more like a butterfly.

            (As the shadow passes, a loud roar is heard that shakes the ground and buildings)

            Tourist: (Watches the rippling pool waves).  Interesting.  Is it migration season now?

          Lifeguard: (Reads a cell phone text) OK, listen up: a state of emergency’s been declared, so everybody outta the pool!  (Everybody groans)

            Guest 3: Already?  We saw that thing literally two seconds ago!

     Lifeguard: (Points to the sky in horror) But now there’s them – RUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!  (Vaults over the pool deck and flees down the street)

          (Guests look up and simultaneously scream as they see the flock of giant butterflies roaring across the sky, following the same path into town as their leader.  Everyone grabs as much of their things as they can, sliding across the wet ground as they tumble off the pool deck and back to their rooms for en masse check-out)

            Tourist: (Seeing that Guests and the flying flock are all gone, hauls off the pool steps and back to the diving board) That worked out nicely – now where was I?  (Repeatedly cannonballs into the pool)

            (Later that afternoon, Tourist drags a chair and gear across the street to the beach entrance)

           Tourist: (Peers into the empty beach tag station, looks around, then tosses $6 into the booth) Least I know I did the right thing.  (Sets up the chair, an umbrella, and a radio on the nearly empty beach and settles in to read a trashy novel.  The waves gradually become choppier, faint screams are heard in the distance, and the few people on the beach become more panicky as they noisily pack their gear; Tourist turns up the radio without looking up from the book)

            Beachgoer: (Runs to Tourist while carrying an umbrella) Hey – you might want to pack it up, that thing’s gonna be here any minute!

            Tourist: (Finally looks up) What thing – the beach cleaner?

            Beachgoer: No – that!  (Points out to the ocean, where a giant mutated salamander is making its way to the shore)

           Tourist: Oh, that?  Let’s see now – (Pulls out a calculator and begins typing) judging by its estimated mass and acceleration, its velocity then would be reduced by the tidal force and – (Licks finger, holds it up in the air, and nods) wind drag, along with its approach opposite to the Earth’s rotation, I’d say we have a good – (Hits “=” on the calculator) 8.17 minutes before it makes landfall.  (Looks back at Beachgoer) But thanks for the heads-up!  (Returns to the novel)

            Beachgoer: Nutter.  (Runs away screaming)

          Tourist: (Notices that the ocean is receding steadily; sighs in annoyance and begins to pack up.  To the creature) If you’re going to take the waves with you then there’s no point to this whole thing, now is there?!  (Sulks back to the nearly empty motel)

            (That evening, Tourist is on the room’s telephone as a mini-tidal wave gently laps at the first-floor windows)

           Tourist: What do you mean, the restaurant had to unexpectedly close – you guys never close!... Yes, I understand that a multi-headed creature who keeps growing more heads as others are chopped off is there, but really, if they were bringing such a large party then they should follow the same rules as everyone else and make a reservation!... Hello?

            (Later that night, Tourist strolls on a boardwalk as people occasionally run past in the opposite direction, screaming)

           Tourist: (Shakes head) The crowds certainly are rowdier this year.   (Stops at the entrance of an amusement pier and see the giant mutated salamander is at the other end, tearing through the rides and eating them)  Ugh!  And I was finally going to ride the Ferris wheel here, you jerk!  (Police and military arrive to do battle with the creature) A bit late, but thanks anyway!

            (Down a side street, Tourist finds a lone ice cream parlor still open)

            Tourist: (To Cashier) Hi, just a raspberry ice, please – you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to get any kind of summer vacation experience here tonight!

           Cashier: (Ducks when hearing large flapping sounds and roaring overheard while handing over the ice) Yeah, the owner said we could stay open if we want: I need the tips for my college fund.

           Tourist: Ah yes, I remember those days.  (Hands over some bills and winks) Keep the change!  (Begins eating the ice while breezing out through the exit)

            Cashier: (Sees the change is 57¢) …Thanks?

            (Tourist finds a bench facing the slightly calmer ocean and settles down to finish the ice while several giant creatures fling around the abandoned cars that are jamming up the streets)

           Tourist: (Turns around slightly at the noise of crashing metal and honking horns) Hm – is there a parade scheduled for tonight?  (Hears a roar, turns back to the ocean, and sees a dragon lighting up the sky) Oooh, fireworks, I almost forgot!  (Tosses the empty ice cup into a nearby trash can and stretches across the back of the bench to watch the fire blaze across the sky and listen to the cacophony in the background) Aaaaahhhh, it’s so great just to get away from it all.