(Inspired by Jason Bourne rather than by a true story)
The mini-TV in the break room featured some exciting news:
“Hey, look guys, an actual car chase with the cops!”
The co-workers gathered around the set and watched in rapture as a news helicopter filmed the high-speed chase down the parkway. There were dodgings and weavings, there were near-misses with adventurous deer, there were close encounters with school buses full of children, and state lines were crossed.
“Hey Janice, isn’t that your car?”
Janice stared at the vehicle that had been coerced into service as a getaway car: the bright red gash on the grey paint of the passenger door and the now-permanent KRAZY KITTENS decal on the roof could not be denied.
She denied it: “Nooo, my car’s still in the parking lot here – ” she peered out the window and saw an empty space surrounded by a path of demolition where her car had been. “I’ll be right back.”
She walked briskly out of the break room; her co-workers watched until she left and then turned back to the Breaking News: “And the vehicle approaches another police barricade – oh! It burst right through it! Those dents aren’t coming off the finish anytime soon, let me tell you.”
THIRTY MINUTES LATER
“The pursuit continues as the battered sedan bumper-cars its way through rush hour traffic – hold on, I see another vehicle is now tailing the suspect, separate from the police cars in pursuit. The second vehicle is coming up behind the suspect – it taps the left fender – oh! The suspect’s vehicle spins out of control! It’s taking out even more cars than before, but yes! It finally has come to a stop! Police surround the suspect’s vehicle – the suspect emerges – he surrenders himself to law enforcement and they are carrying him away in exhaustion! Oh, what a happy ending to this roadway menace! It does beg the question: who is going to clean up this mess?!
“Let’s cut over to the driver of the second vehicle, the one who finally put an end to this hellish chase. Reporter on scene?”
“Yes, thank you – tell us, ma’am, what is your connection to this case? Just a concerned citizen?”
“Yes, all that, and that car there is mine – if anyone’s going to create of swath of destruction with it, it’s gonna be me!”