(In
a gift shop)
Tourist
1: (Entering with Tourist 2) So, what’s so special about this place? It seems like the same-old, New Age-y,
hippe-dippie tourist trap you find all over the world. (Suddenly sees Employee 1 nearby, staring at
them) But the furnishings seem lovely.
Tourist
2: I read that this place is supposed to be at the exact center of The
Vortex. (Spreads arms out as far as
possible without hitting spinning racks of meditation CDs and dream catchers
hanging from the ceiling) I can already feel my chakras aligning just by being
in this sacred space.
Tourist
1: Seriously? I didn’t think you were
into all that stuff.
Tourist
2: (Lowers arms) Then you don’t know me at all.
Tourist
1: (Grabs a deck of tarot cards from off a shelf) But really, what’s the deal
with this specific place? I mean,
what is The Vortex?
Employee
1: (Glides over as Tourist 1 puts the card deck back on the shelf) The Vortex,
my friends, is the convergence of energies into this central location: by
entering this confluence of forces, your spirit will be cleansed, your soul
purified, and your aura illuminated.
Tourist
2: Wow.
Tourist
1: Uh-huh. So does that mean everything
in here costs triple what we’d find in the same shop down the street? (Tourist 2 elbows Tourist 1)
Employee
1: (Mysteriously) You’ll never know what you’ll find in The Vortex…. I’ll be
over here if you need me to look for anything in the store room. (Glides back to restocking stained glass
hangings)
Tourist
1: You betcha.
Tourist
2: You’re so rude.
Tourist
1: Whatever: just don’t drop more than $20 in this place, is all I’m saying.
(They
start browsing; on turning a corner, they nearly bump into Tourist 3)
Tourist
3: Oops, sorry.
Tourist
1: Nope, my fault: I didn’t take the corner wide enough.
(Tourist
1 and Tourist 3 suddenly stare at each other closely)
Tourist
3: This may sound weird, but… did you go to Main Street Elementary School in
Centerville back in the 90s?
Tourist
1: Oh my gosh, you did, too?! Calculating
Colossi 3rd grade math?!
Tourist
3: Yes! The classroom with the abacus?
Tourist
1: Yes!
Tourist
3: Oh my goodness, that was over 30 years ago!
Tourist
1: Yes – ! Ugh, don’t remind me.
Tourist
2: Not to mention, it’s about 10 states away from here.
Tourist
3: Absolutely! What’re the odds, huh?
Tourist
1: (Sees Employee 1 staring at them expectantly) Eh, probably bound to happen
at some point in life; might as well be here.
Tourist
2: Or, it’s The –
Tourist
1: Don’t say it.
(Tourist
4 emerges from the back of the store carrying wind chimes, stops upon seeing
the group, and points at Tourist 1)
Tourist
4: Weren’t you in my after-school group when you were a wee little thing?
Tourist
1: (Narrows eyes, then widens them in shock) Oh my gosh, you were my Den Leader
for seven years! You taught us how to
fly fish and how to bake bread!
Tourist
4: Yes, I was a full-service mentor.
Tourist
2: (To Tourist 1) What a small world.
Tourist
1: Yeah, uh, well, it – it happens.
(Employee
2 glides over to the growing group)
Employee
2: Hello, does anyone need any help – ? (Notices Tourist 1) Oh my stars, I haven’t see
you in ages! How’ve you been?
Tourist
1: (Eyes widen even wider) Oh – my – gosh: you’re the kid I was supposed to go
to prom with but I totally flaked off to play video games instead! (Winces) Really sorry about that – I was very
immature back then.
Tourist
2: “Was”?
Employee
2: (Chuckles) It’s OK: as you can see, I’ve recovered from the social
trauma. I actually wound up going with
someone else that night, and we’ll be celebrating our 25th wedding
anniversary this year.
Tourist
1: Whoa, that’s amazing. And you both
moved all the way out here?
Employee
2: Oh yeah, we just felt this calling, you know?
Tourist
1: I guess.
Tourist
3: I’m tellin’ ya, we’ve all been drawn here for this very moment!
Tourist
4: It does seem like Fate, doesn’t it?
Employee
1: (Glides over to stare intently at Tourist 1) Yes, doesn’t it?
Tourist
1: No it doesn’t! This is just a series
of bizarre coincides that the laws of odds and averages make happen at one,
singular, freaky moment in our lives, and – (Suddenly notices objects in a
glass display case) and – and is that the seashell collection I lost when I was
5?!
(The
group whirls around as a clock chimes the hour)
Tourist
1: (Gasps) My grandfather’s grandfather clock?!
(The
group whirls around as the shop door opens and Tourist 5 enters)
Tourist
1: (Gasps) Mom??!!
Tourist
5: Yeah – I’ve been waiting in the car for over 15 minutes; are you two gonna
get a move on or what?
Tourist
2: We will: we were just catching up with some old acquaintances here.
Tourist
5: (Takes in the group) Oh. You all do look
vaguely familiar, but I’m too tired on this trip to play catch-up – bye. (Leaves the store)
(The
group stare at each other)
Tourist
1: All y’all weren’t hired by some weirdo to play an elaborate trick on me,
were you? (The rest shake their heads)
Tourist
3: I only came in here to use the bathroom – turns out there aren’t any for
customers.
Tourist
2: I’m telling you, it’s The Vortex!
Employee
1: I’ll say: we’ve never had a convergence quite this massive before; I must
note it in the store’s log.
Employee
2: You do that – you’re the only one who reads that thing anyway. (To Tourist 1) So this certainly was
life-affirming and soul-impacting, wasn’t it?
Tourist
1: I have to admit, I’ve never had an experience quite like it; I’m low-key
questioning reality right about now.
Employee
2: Enough to possibly buy back your long-lost seashell collection?
Tourist
1: Not that much.
