Showing posts with label time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label time. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 25, 2020

Story 367: Time Travel Through Film

 I’m finally going to do it: I’m going to be the first time traveler in history 

The first human time traveler, anyway: those pesky quantum particles already beat us to it, but my achievement’ll make up for that in scale.

Don’t laugh in your self-satisfied derision: I’m deadly serious in my endeavor.  Sure, I never did well in any of my science classes; OK, I never had any interest in quantum physics until just now, when I’ll be working all Thanksgiving weekend and spending that time wishing I was a kid on school break again; all right, I’m taking a totally unscientific approach to the whole thing; but really, when has anything great ever been accomplished without a whole lotta heart, plus a whole dose of gut feeling?  Did human beings make it all the way to the Moon using dry old MATH?!

They did?  Onward.

My method is simple: no fancy machines, no complicated serum, no incomprehensible formulae – just simple, exact duplication of events as they previously occurred.  Once that is achieved, the Brain will take care of the rest.

I concluded the best way to do this is through film, since it’s one of the few media that fully immerses the senses of sight and sound, if you have either or both; touch, taste, and smell usually then can be overridden and therefore ignored.

Since nostalgia is the current zeitgeist, the local cinema is showing a classic from the way-back year of 1995, now 25 years ago (?!) in our present day of garbage.  I was a preteen at the time, but this go-around I’ll have to drive myself to the movie theater, `cause my Mommy’ll be out with her friends and refuses to give me a ride.

To prepare, I found the movie’s original trailer online (thanks, technology!) and watched as if I was seeing it on television for the first time.... Hey, spoiler alert, they totally showed the spaceship getting blown up and that was a huge deal in the plot!  I mean, it happens so far away from the camera you can’t really tell it was that ship unless you’ve already seen the movie, but still!  Why would you put something that dramatically pivotal IN THE TRAILER?!

The theater itself has been remodeled several times in the intervening decades, so the experiment will have to begin after I’m seated and the lights have been extinguished.  I’ll also have to resist the temptation to recline the comfy seat, since 1995-era theaters were slight-tilt, hard-cushioned affairs.  Again, the sense of touch will be overridden: fortuitously, the same background popcorn smell forever remains.

The lights dim; the screen shifts from soda commercials to present-day trailers – too modern!  Experiment on pause for the next 20 minutes… 30 minutes….

Car commercial… soda commercial again… ooh, 25th anniversary retrospective, neat!... So that’s how they filmed the crash sequence, I never realized…. Yes I know they didn’t crash an actual spaceship on an actual alien planet, I just wondered how they did it without so much CGI…. Huh.  Now the effect’s slightly ruined for me for all time.  Didn’t expect that to be one of the outcomes from all this.

OK!  Studio’s logo is up on the screen [Checks watch for start time] – music begins – opening credits – here we go!  Time travel commencing in 3 – 2 – 1 –

Aw, I forgot that actor’s dead now.  And so’s that one.  And so’s that one.  Oh, that one had a stroke recently, that’s a shame.  And that one’s had a nice career comeback, in music though.  And that one….

Hm: special effects’ve held up pretty well, but I can tell now that background’s totally a matte painting….

Ooh, I love this part coming up!  So emotional…. [Sniffs] The noble self-sacrifice gets me every time....

Wow, this takes place in the future but those shoulder pads sure do scream `90s….

I wonder if everyone else on set knew that one was a creep while they were filming this, or if they were all shocked when the truth came out 15 years later….

Oh yeah, I was completely swept up in this B-story – too bad it all comes to nothing in about 20 minutes….

Aaaaaaand here’s the spaceship crash….  Oh wow, the exterior shots really are just models and miniatures.  The editing and directing are fantastic, though….

Didn’t realize that dream sequence was so short – felt a lot longer the first time I saw it….

And that’s it, it’s over, bit abrupt – [Checks watch] – the whole thing was less than two hours?!  Talk about economy of storytelling.

The lights flare on again, the rest of the audience leaves, and I remain in my hard-cushioned, non-reclining seat, reviewing the outcomes of my time travel experiment.

Result: Failure.

Conclusion: Despite external stimuli, the Brain was too much in the present to travel to the past.  However, there were brief moments of near-success, where the present self lost track of time and the sensations of 25 years ago were almost-duplicated.

New Hypothesis: Discover method of total immersion in external stimuli to force the Brain into a past state.

Should only take another 25 years to figure it out.

Thursday, November 12, 2020

Story 365: How Time Doth Fly; Or, Now There Is a Story for Every Day of the Year

          (Friend 1 and Friend 2 are sitting on beach chairs in the local park, watching the lake and occasional passers-by as the autumn leaves fall gently around them)

            Friend 1: (Wearing summer clothes and sunglasses) You think the trees missed the memo that there’s no fall season on this planet anymore?

            Friend 2: Probably – I’m just waiting for winter to get completely phased out, but I think that’s got a few more polar vortexes in it before then.

            Friend 1: Huh…. Vortexes or vortices?

            Friend 2: No idea.

            (They sit in companionable silence for a few minutes)

            Friend 1: You know, I think the last real, authentic autumn chill we had – that school’s-starting-summer’s-over-no-more-fun chill – was back when we went to that concert five years ago.

            Friend 2: You mean the Manly Men one?

            Friend 1: Yeppers.

            Friend 2: That was seven years ago.

Friend 1: No it wasn’t, it was… hmmmmm…. (Stares unseeingly into the distance while mentally stretching back across the years)

Friend 2: 2013.

Friend 1: (Shaking head) Nooooo….

Friend 2: (Nodding head) Yesssss….

Friend 1: It wasn’t seven years, that’s the length of a TV series!  I remember it as if it were last year, but I’m being generous and saying five.

Friend 2: (Works on a phone) Then chunks of years must’ve fallen out your ears – look.  (Hands over the phone showing photos from the concert and points at the date) See that?  Time-stamped August 15, 2013.

Friend 1: (Hands back the phone) Lies.

Friend 2: Whatever makes you happy.  (Puts the phone away and settles back in the beach chair to relax)

Friend 1: OK then –

Friend 2: [Sigh] Yes?

Friend 1: How about when you had your appendix taken out?

Friend 2: That’ll be a year in December.

Friend 1: Ha!  Wrong!  I clearly remember it being 90° that day, so it must have been July 2019, which makes it a year and a half in December!

Friend 2: I think I’d know the date when I’ve had one of my internal organs removed.  And it’s been 90° in December for quite some time now.

Friend 1: Oh.  Are you sure North America just hasn’t slid down into the Southern Hemisphere, and no one wants to tell us?

Friend 2: We’d probably have a lot more problems going on if that’d happened.

Friend 1: Gotcha.  (Ponders for a few moments) What about when I was having my job crisis meltdown a while back?  Was that five years ago?

Friend 2: (Thinks for a bit) Yes – it was a little before the latest round of Astral Skirmishes movies had come out.

Friend 1: (Laughs) Oh yeah.  Oh wow, it feels like that whole hullabaloo just started, and now it’s already over and the first movie was released half a decade ago.

Friend 2: Mm-hm.  Before you know it, the 20th anniversary edition’ll be out and the special effects’ll be upgraded to whatever 3D-V.R.-A.I.-A.R.-whatever is out at that point.

Friend 1: Yeah… oh.

Friend 2: What?

Friend 1: By the time the 20th anniversary edition comes out, we’ll be in our 50s.

Friend 2: (Calculates the years) Oh yeah – that’s funny.

Friend 1: That’s darned depressing, is what that is.

Friend 2: Oh come on, we’ve been doing the same stuff for nearly a decade now, you think our lives are really going to be that much different just because we’re middle-aged?  By then, 50’ll probably be the new 10!

            Friend 1: I guess, but at that point I’ll have to start wasting more time in doctors’ offices getting more and more tests, and fighting against my own failing stamina, and yelling at insurance companies for prescriptions I’d rather not have to take but need to or I’ll die, and going to more funerals than weddings, and –

Friend 2: I feel like I’ve lost 10 years just having this conversation.

Friend 1: Fine; we’ll go back to enjoying the unseasonable day, then.  (They watch several ducks paddle by on the lake)  Think we’ll even remember this conversation in 10 years?

Friend 2: Knowing my luck, this will be the last memory I ever forget.

Thursday, June 25, 2020

Story 346: All the Time in the World – Now What?


           (In a park, Friend 1 and Friend 2 sit on beach chairs, wearing hats and sunglasses and facing a lake)
            Friend 1: Sigh.
            Friend 2: No one actually says “Sigh,” you know.
            Friend 1: I wanted to emphasize the sentiment.
            Friend 2: Of what, contentment or disappointment?
            Friend 1: Both.
            Friend 2: You’ve lost me.
          Friend 1: Contentment in knowing that right now, in this moment, we are living The Good Life; disappointment in knowing this moment will end soon and we’ll have to go back to living The Blech Life.
            Friend 2: As with all things – just enjoy this now and let me do the same.
            Friend 1: I suppose.
            (They settle back in their chairs and watch some ducks paddle by)
            Friend 1: [Siiiiiiiiiiigh]
            Friend 2: OK, that’s even worse – what now?
          Friend 1: Just thinking how the Sun’ll set in less than two hours and the day is pretty much over.
           Friend 2: For the love of – can you just turn your mental gnawing on everything off for two seconds?!
            Friend 1: Yes.  But two seconds is a tiny period of time, so it’s virtually meaningless.
            Friend 2: Argh.
        Friend 1: As is any brief moment of enjoyment we manage to find in this world: ephemeral, evanescent, gone before we barely have a chance to truly appreciate it.  I miss the time in my life before I hit puberty when I didn’t realize all this.
            Friend 2: I miss that time in your life, too.  I’m going to watch funny videos on my phone and ignore you now.  (Does so)
            Friend 1: (Is hypnotized watching the ducks paddle by) [Sigh] If only I had all the time in the world….

ONE YEAR LATER

            Friend 2: (Answers cell phone) Hey, what’s up?
          Friend 1: (On the phone) You’ll never believe this: I got the results back from my physical and the bottom line of all the jargon is that I’m basically immortal.
            Friend 2: You’re right, I’ll never believe that – is today April Fool’s?
            Friend 1: I already got you with that last week; this is real!
          Friend 2: Oh right, I blanked out on that for a minute there.  You know, I’d be mad at you about that whole thing but I have to admit it was pretty funny.  I may steal it to use on my cousin next year, if you don’t mind.
            Friend 1: Not at all – I’m generous with my work.
            Friend 2: So, what’s up?
            Friend 1: Ummmmm… wait a minute… uhhhh… I’ll get it in a second….
            Friend 2: Oh right, you think you’re Dracula or something.
            Friend 1: Not Dracula; immortal!
            Friend 2: Isn’t that the same thing?
          Friend 1: The one is not dependent on the other!  I’m not drinking blood or sleeping during the day, I’m just living forever!  As in, FOREVER.
            Friend 2: That’s neat.  Good for you.
            Friend 1: Is that all you can say?!
          Friend 2: What, so you were given a life expectancy of 100-something years?  That’s great; hope you get to keep your faculties all the way to the end, if you know what I mean.
           Friend 1: You’re not getting it: my doctor found all these weird things in my blood and tissues and brain and what-not that mean nothing in me’ll ever get sick, or decay, or be destroyed!  I’m invincible!  AND I WILL LIVE FOREVER.
             Friend 2: You sure they didn’t mix up your sample with a cockroach’s?
         Friend 1: There is negative billion chance of that ever happening.  Now, having pondered on the ramifications of this for some time, I have accepted my new fate in truly having all the time in the world and therefore can do whatever I once thought impossible due to time constraints.  I can lean every world language now, including those of every species of whale!  I can literally travel to every country on the planet!  I can literally travel to every planet, eventually!  I can dive to the bottom of the Mariana Trench just to say I did it!  I can learn every skill imaginable, becoming the international spy I always wanted to be!  I can even become an Olympic athlete because all it takes is a gazillion hours of training, which I now have!
            Friend 2: Well, it’s a little more than that –
          Friend 1: Where do I even begin with a whole universe of time ahead of me?  Ooh, I know: watching every single episode of that series, you know, Physician Whatsit, from its very first episode in 1963 to the present.
            Friend 2: …Wow, you really are serious about all this, aren’t you?
            Friend 1: I told you, it’s not April Fool’s!  (Disconnects the call firmly)

FIVE YEARS LATER

           (In a park, Friend 1 and Friend 2 sit on beach chairs, wearing hats and sunglasses and facing a lake, while Friend 1 flips frantically through a large book)
            Friend 2: I thought you wanted to relax now that time means nothing to you?
           Friend 1: How can I relax when I have yet to master the subjunctive of Vedic Sanksrit?!  (Flips more pages)
            Friend 2: (Furrows brow) I don’t think that one’s spoken too much anymore.
            Friend 1: It won’t be at this rate!  (Flips faster)
            Friend 2: (Settles back in the chair to watch the ducks paddle by) [Sigh]

FIFTEEN YEARS LATER

            Friend 1: (Answers call in a hurry) Yes?
            Friend 2: Hey, sorry I had to back out of our skydiving trip sort-of last minute, but the arthritis is acting up again.
           Friend 1: Always excuses!  Never mind, you would’ve just slowed me down anyway – after I land back on Earth I’m hopping on the nearest train to begin my third round-the-world trek, which you already backed out of, again!
            Friend 2: Well, we did just get back from the Moon, and you know it’s my kid’s high school graduation –
            Friend 1: No sense of priorities!  You’re letting every opportunity to live pass you by!  (Turns off hologram call and jumps solo out of a plane) Liiiiiiiiiife!!!!

THIRTY YEARS LATER

           (In a park, Friend 1 and Friend 2 sit on beach chairs, wearing hats and sunglasses and facing a lake)
           Friend 1: – and I clearly explained the entire history of the U.S. banking system to demonstrate how their plan will lead to yet another recession, and the entire board room stared at me as if I had two heads!  Oh sorry, outdated reference: one of the board members does have two heads, so I guess it reminded me of that old phrase, heh…. Do you ever wonder if everybody on what we used to call Proxima Centauri b think we’re weird for just having one brain? 
             Friend 2: (Wakes up with a half-snore) Huh?  What?
             Friend 1: Forget it.  Oh, and Happy 80th Birthday, if I missed mentioning that before.
         Friend 2: Oh, thanks.  You know, I really do owe you for helping find the cure for dementia all those years ago – I realized recently I’d’ve been knee-deep in it by now.
           Friend 1: No problem.  It’s amazing how simple it is to find a solution once one has adequate time to devote to the problem, know what I’m saying?  Sorry about the multiple sclerosis, though – working on that one now!  (Continues scrolling through medical texts on a holographic screen)
            Friend 2: That’s OK, I’ll take it over the other one any day.  You gonna stop all that and just watch the water with me now?
            Friend 1: Oh all right.  (Turns off the screen and leans back to watch the water) You know the Earth’ll rotate away from the Sun in less than two hours and the day is pretty much over.
            Friend 2: Unbelievable.

TWO HUNDRED YEARS LATER

            (In a lecture hall on Mars)
          Friend 1: (Pointing to a presentation on a large screen) And in conclusion, our continued presence in this universe actually will create the very extinction-level event for our insignificant planet that we have been dreading since the beginning of our entire species’ existence!  (The attendees stand, bow at Friend 1, and leave the room)  I miss applause.  (Stares out the panoramic window at tiny Earth, far in the distance) Sigh.  Think I reached the end of this academic avenue: what should I study next?  How to reverse entropy?  Time travel that actually works within this dimension?  Comparative religions of Earth and Venus?  Why fictional romances are so much more satisfying than real-life ones?  (Sighs softly) Why having all the time for everything I could ever want to do feels empty instead of fulfilling?
            Friend 2: Because you never learned to really appreciate anything?
           Friend 1: Huh?  What?  (Wakes up with a half-snore, back on the beach chair facing the lake in the park with Friend 2)
            Friend 2: You were talking in your doze.  And snoring pretty loudly.
         Friend 1: (Looks around, discombobulated) What – how – do you know I just lived several lifetimes’ worth of experiences and intellectual growth, and it was all for nothing!
          Friend 2: Well, welcome back, Dorothy.  Learn any life lessons that you’ll instantly forget?
          Friend 1: (Stares at the ducks as they paddle by) That I really do need to appreciate more in life and focus less on the time that’s passing.
            Friend 2: Good.  (Leans back in the chair and closes eyes)
            Friend 1: And also that space travel is the absolute worst.
            Friend 2: You certainly learned to keep on complaining.