Story 642: Midsummer or Mid-Summer?

            (Friend 1 and Friend 2 sit in beach chairs facing a lake in a park and read beach-read books)

Friend 1: (Lowers the book to watch a duck land in the water and start taking a bath; to Friend 2) When is Midsummer anyway?

Friend 2: (Without looking up from reading) Northern Hemisphere or Southern?

Friend 1: Ha-ha.  (After a few moments of silence) Northern.

Friend 2: (Sets aside the book and takes out a cell phone) Well, let’s consult the Oracle, shall we?  If I can get a signal out here.  (Searches online for a minute) OK, got it: summer solstice.

Friend 1: What?!  That can’t be right.

Friend 2: (Holds out the phone to Friend 1) Oracle says so right here.

Friend 1: (Takes the phone, skims the online encyclopedia article, and hands the phone back to Friend 2) That makes no sense – why would people celebrate Midsummer at the beginning of summer?!

Friend 2: (Skims through the rest of the article) Says here the festival’s in the middle of the growing season.

Friend 1: Exactly: so why isn’t it called Midgrowing, then?

Friend 2: (Types a bit) I guess “Midsommar” has a nicer ring to it than “Mellanväxt”.

Friend 1: That’s not a real reason.

Friend 2: (Returns to the original article) Says here that it also celebrates the longest day of the year at the beginning of summer.

Friend 1: Yes, again, the beginning of summer, so why isn’t it – hang on – (Takes out a cell phone and types a bit) “Bӧrjan Av Sommaren”?

Friend 2: I dunno; go ask Scandinavian countries centuries ago when it all started.

Friend 1: (Nods and begins typing)

Friend 2: (Grabs Friend 1’s phone) I was being facetious – that wasn’t an invitation for you to cause an international incident.

Friend 1: Oh fine.  (Grabs the phone back and pockets it) So, going back to my original question: when is the midpoint of summer?

Friend 2: The exact middle of the season itself?

Friend 1: Exactly.

Friend 2: August 7.

Friend 1: (Blinks in shock) Wow – how did you know that precise date off the top of your head?

Friend 2: I read about it during summer vacation when I was 13, and I remembered it ever since.

Friend 1: Rought summer?

Friend 2: You have no idea.

Friend 1: Yeesh.  Well, good to know, thanks.

Friend 2: Why do you want to know, anyway?

Friend 1: (Stares out at the lake as more ducks arrive to bathe) Oh, just curious how much more of this glorious, magical season I have to enjoy, that’s all.

Friend 2: We’re in the middle of July.

Friend 1: (Wistfully) I know.

Friend 2: August 7 is weeks away, and even then you’d still have another month before the start of school that you no longer go to but still use as a benchmark for your year.

Friend 1: (Sighingly) I know.

Friend 2: Then why aren’t you enjoying this – (Waves an arm up at the blazing Sun and the cloudless sky and the chirping birds and the gentle breeze and the swaying trees and the green grass all around them) now?

Friend 1: I would, it’s just… fall will be here soon enough –

Friend 2: Oh, jeez.

Friend 1: And it’s supposed to thunderstorm the rest of the week, and possibly even flood because of all the drought we’ve had lately.

Friend 2: Well… we do… need the rain….

Friend 1: Yes, but must we need it right now?

Friend 2: …Yes….

Friend 1: Doesn’t it know I’m on staycation this week?

Friend 2: I… don’t think “it” cares….

Friend 1: Well then.  The entire summer, gone in a downpour flash.

Friend 2: Not the entire summer.  And not today.

Friend 1: (Grudgingly) No, not today.

Friend 2: (Staring at the ducks with Friend 1 for a few moments) Even though it’s not Midsommar or Mid-Summer, you wanna celebrate regular summer today and go to the promenade by the bay and have some ice cream?

Friend 1: I think that’s the only appropriate response to this situation, yes.

Story 627: Weather Whiplash

 SATURDAY 

“Morn-ning!”

“Good morning!  I hate to say, but you look awfully dreadful today.”

“Right you are: spent a solid hour digging the old bucket of bolts out from under the ‘bomb cyclone’ or ‘polar vortex’ or ‘thunder snow’ or whatever it is the youth are calling it these days, only to have it all plowed back in by the necessary street clearers immediately afterward and had to start the whole bloomin’ process all over again.”

“Hm.  Blast.”

“Indeed.  You’re just lucky you no longer drive and everyone has to come to you instead, yeah?”

“Well, usually, not being able to drive anymore is quite a hindrance, but I must say on days when there are 15 feet of snow outside and temperatures are in the negative digits, not going anywhere does have its perks.”

“Quite.  Tea?”

“Already had mine, so help yourself.”

“Thanks, but I’ll save it for the return journey; as you can see out the window, those innocent-looking flurries are unceasing in their descent from the heavens, and an additional six feet are predicted by tonight.”

“Oh my.  You’re welcome to stay the night, you know.”

“I packed my bag for just such an occasion.”

“Good thinking.” 

SUNDAY 

“Morn-ning!”

“Good morning!  Ready to do battle once more in rescuing your bucket of bolts from the clutches of the frozen water smothering it?”

“I would be, if it wasn’t all gone.”

“Sorry?”

“Take a look.”

“…I don’t understand; I can see out the window.”

“Exactly.  The frozen water transformed into water-water overnight and washed everything away.”

“But how is that possible?  We were surrounded by literal walls of snow – that all should take weeks to go away, even with the rain!  And yet I can see the lawn again for the first time in a month!”

“I suppose it helps that the temperature shot up by 50°F overnight as well.”

“Ah.  It did feel a bit stuffy in here when I woke this morning.”

“I took the liberty of turning down the thermostat when I got up.”

“Good move.  So, off you go then, I suppose; into the downpour instead of the blizzard.”

“Seems like it.  You might want to call a plumber at some point, though – the sump pump’s been running all night so the crawl space is probably flooded.”

“I’m sure I won’t be the only one calling.” 

MONDAY 

            “Morn-ning!”

“Oh, good morning!  So nice of you to call, but aren’t you stopping by later?”

“Actually, I’m calling to let you know that I have to cancel for today, sorry.”

“Oh, that’s all right, I can manage – is everything OK?”

“Yes, everything’s fine: the thing is… I decided to spend the day at the beach.”

“Oh.  As in, the beach?”

“Yes, well, we only have the one in this area, and I’m at it.”

“My, that sounds lovely, but I do have to ask: why?”

“Oh, you know, really, why not?”

“I mean, everyone’s free to do as they please if they’re not hurting anyone or themselves, but I can’t help but notice that we’re physically located in the upper region of the northern hemisphere, and we’re temporally located in the middle of March.”

“Yes?”

“Not exactly beach weather, I should think.”

“Have you stuck your head out the window yet today, or checked the news at all?”

“No, sadly: still trying to wrangle an available plumber and it’s been quite draining.”

“Ah, well, then you may not have noticed that summer arrived while you weren’t looking.”

“Sorry?”

“Temperature rocketed to 90°F today.”

“You’re having a laugh.”

“Take a look outside if you don’t believe me.”

“I certainly will…. Oh dear.”

“What is it?”

“The window sill is melting somewhat.”

“That’s rough – you might need a home repair service when all this is done, too.”

“Well, that’s dashed inconvenient – I’m sweating already, and I can only imagine the entire house is warping as we speak.”

“Rotten luck, that [Slurp].”

“Is that a frozen lemonade I hear you slurping out there?”

“You know me too well.  I’d’ve invited you to come along, you know, but I remembered you can’t stand the beach.”

“Gracious no, once you get anywhere near it, that sand is with you forever.  Oh, perfect timing, the ice cream truck is here – yoo-hoo!  Driver!  One small cone with strawberry, please!”

“I’ll leave you to it and come by tomorrow, yeah?”

“Cheers – enjoy the boiling waves!” 

TUESDAY 

“Morn-ning!  Not at the beach today, so I should get there at my usual time!”

“Actually, that’s why I’m calling – you perhaps want to skip again today.”

“That’s all right: the sunburn’s minimal, I’ll be fine!”

“Lovely, but it’s probably not a good idea for anyone to be out on the roads around here today.”

“Oh?  Why not?”

“Well, I did stick my head out the window this morning, and I did check the news, and it seems that this neighborhood is under a tornado warning.”

“Oh dear, really?  And just your neighborhood, is it?”

“Apparently the conditions here and nowhere else are ‘just right’, they said.”

“My word.  Is that why I’m hearing an emergency siren in the distance over the phone?”

“Yes, and seeing how the winds ae blowing everything around and I can see a funnel touching down about five houses away, it’s probably best that I nip down to the crawl space for half a tick.”

“Quite right.”

WEDNESDAY 

“Morn-ning!  You and the neighborhood still in one piece after the twister?”

“Oh good morning; quite all right, thank you – the mailbox was a little stirred up, but fortunately the cyclone continued down the middle of the street and disintegrated after making its point, so all’s well that ends well, and all that.”’

“Jolly good.  So, I’ll come over this morning as per usual then, shall I?”

“If you like, but I don’t mind if you’d prefer dashing off to the beach again.”

“Thanks, but not likely, seeing as it’s 28°F out.”

“Yes, but you’ve gotten me into checking the weather all the time now, and the reliably accurate prediction is that it’ll hit 100°F by noon.”

“Oh.  Today?”

“Indeed.  Why, in the single minute we’ve been talking, the thermometer has jumped to 45°F.”

“…So it has.  Well, I’m still coming over – maybe pass on the tea, though.”

“I fail to grasp the connection.” 

THURSDAY 

“Morn-ning!”

“Good morning!  After you’re all settled, I’ll need your help on a project today.”

“Ooh, sounds fun, what is it?”

“Taping all the windows before the hurricane hits.”

“So it’s definite that it’s going to hit this area?”

“As of this moment; since you insisted on still coming over today, I hope you brought your overnight bag again, seeing as the storm drains are expected to flood and the winds are expected to knock down everything.”

“I didn’t, but I suppose I can always row home, right?”

“I’d rather you didn’t.” 

FRIDAY 

“Morn-ning!”

“Good morning!  All safe and snug at home, then?”

“Indeed I am!  Thank goodness the hurricane turned out to be only a mild torrential downpour instead – that, I can handle.”

“Yes, we’re all grateful, and I hope you’re not planning to come over today, either.”

“Well, just have to dig out the old bucket of bolts from the eight feet of snow we got overnight, so it might take me a bit longer than usual but other than that, I’ll be there.”

“Please don’t: I heard that the roads are a giant wall of mush right now, and if you wait it’ll all have melted away again when it hits 105°F tomorrow.”

“Right you are then, thanks.  Funny way to observe the first day of spring, isn’t it?”

“Quite.”

Story 552: Off-Season Hot Chocolate

             (In an ice cream parlor at a beach town during the summer, the line snakes out the door and around the corner of the building late at night.  Behind the counter, Manager and three Employees field multiple orders at a time from large groups, with no breaks from the never-ending line)

Manager: (Smiling while handing over several cones and cups to a multi-generational party, who take the desserts and run) Here ya go!  (Immediately rings up the order from memory and addresses the group’s representative) That’ll be $40.87.

Customer 1: (Freezes while digging out a wallet) It wasn’t that high last year.

Manager: (Still smiling, briefly points to the giant sign on the wall behind the counter listing all the food, drinks, and prices) Well, prices are all posted, and as you know, this is a family-run business with all our specialty, hand-crafted tastes and treats made with the utmost care and love – and all that ain’t gettin’ any cheaper.  (Holds out a hand) $40.87, please.

Customer 1: (Counts out exact change) Here – next time I’m telling them all to order the smallest size.

Manager: (Dumps the cash into the register) You do you.  (As Customer 1 starts to turn away, Manager slides the tip jar over) Ah-ah-ah.

Customer 1: I thought you said this was family-run?  Don’t you get all the profit?

Manager: Me and behind-the-scenes are family – (Nods at Employees) That crew’s a bunch of doomed college students who’ll need all the help they can get.

Employee 1: (Freezes mid-scoop) Huh?

Manager: Like you don’t know – (Points to the ice cream carton) and make sure you don’t sweat in that thing like last night!  (Employee 1 ducks out of the case while finishing scooping as Manager cheerfully turns back to Customer 1) So?

Customer 1: (Tosses a dollar into the jar) Vacations ain’t getting’ any cheaper, either.  (Leaves)

Manager: (Mutters) I’ll bet.  (Loudly) Next!

Customer 2: (Approaches the counter) Hi, can I have a… (Squints up at the giant sign) Rootin’ Tootin’ Banana Split Fruitin’ Fudge Brownie –

Manager: Yeah, I really need to shorten that title; what size?

Customer 2: GRANDE.

Manager: Ohh-kaay, that’s a large.  (Briefly taps Employee 2’s shoulder as the latter is topping off a sundae) When you’re done with that order, go in the back and make up a large #4.

Employee 2: (Whines) Aw, Boss, do I have to?

Manager: (Stares balefully at Employee 2) Yes!  You’re the only one here besides me who can make it competently, and I am not leaving this counter unsupervised!  And it’s your job, so get moving.  (Turns back to Customer 2) That’ll be a few minutes – (Points to a nearby table) Would you mind waiting there until it’s done, please?  You can pay when it’s delivered to you.

Customer 2: With great anticipation.  (Spins around, glides over to the table, and slides onto the chair)

Manager: (Quietly) Oh my.  (To the rest of the room) Next!

Customer 3: (Steps up to the counter, very intense) Hello.

Manager: Hi!  How can I help you?

Customer 3: I would like a small hot chocolate, please.

(Everyone else in the ice cream parlor freezes; mouths drop open in shock and/or mid-bite, and ice cream falls off scoops and back into cartons, unchecked)

Manager: (Trying to maintain a smile) …Come again?

Customer 3: You heard me.

Manager: We… don’t serve hot chocolate here.

Customer 4: (On line by the front door) Yeah, `cause this is an ice cream parlor, ya weirdo!

Customer 3: (Ignoring the comment) I see that you serve coffee here, correct?

Manager: Yes, rarely –

Customer 3: Well then: use the same milk steamer that you would use for that, and pour some syrup or melt some fudge in it, and there you are.  Oh, and some of your homemade mini marshmallows to top it off would be most appreciated.

Manager: It’s… more of an… off-season menu item….

Customer 3: I fail to discern the issue here.

Customer 5: (In the middle of the line) That’s right: I see everyone else having hot coffee and hot tea all summer long, what’s the big deal?!  (Is shoved back toward the door by other Customers)

(Employee 2 slowly emerges from the back delicately carrying an extremely large platter laden with brownies, fruit, candy, and more toppings than ice cream)

Employee 2: All righty, who ordered the Rootin’ Tootin’ – ?

Manager: (Still locking eyes with Customer 3) NOT!  NOW!

Employee 2: (Immediately turns around and heads into the back) Okey dokey.

Manager: (Turns and points to Employee 3) You: turn on the steamer, grab five tablespoons of chocolate chips, and make a small hot chocolate topped with mini marshmallows.

Employee 3: (Panicking) But Boss, it’s the middle of summer, this just isn’t done!

Manager: That’s an order, Rising Sophomore!  (Employee 3 wails while turning on the steamer and scrambling to gather the chocolate chips)  Welcome to the real world, kiddo!  (Turns back to Customer 3 with a strained smile) Anything else?

Customer 3: No, that’ll be all for tonight, thank you.

Manager: (Types into the register) That’ll be $4.00… plus an extra 90 cents for the topping.

Customer 3: (Hands over $5.00) Keep the dime.  (Shoves a few dollars into the tip jar) For your trouble.

Manager: (Strained smile) Thank you.  It’s no trouble.

Employee 3: (Carefully walks over to Customer 3 and shakily hands over the hot chocolate, sniffling) One small hot chocolate with mini-marshmallows topping.

Customer 3: (Takes the cup) I thank you.  (Turns to leave)

Manager: DON’T – (Customer 3 turns back) you want to try it out?  Make sure it was made to your… satisfaction?

Customer 3: (Smiles bitterly) I trust the integrity of your family-run business and doomed college staff.  (Turns around slowly to address the waiting Customers) I will not be shamed further by your judgmental views of my dessert beverage of choice, just because it’s not the stereotypical season for it!  Or iced!  Or coffee!  Or tea!  Hypocrites!  (The other Customers lower their heads, chastened)  Besides – it’s too hot and I’ll burn my mouth if I drink it right now.  (Rushes through the parting crowd and out the door, cackling)

(A few moments of embarrassed silence, until – )

Customer 2: (Raises hand while sitting at the table) Excuse me?  Can I have my #4 now, please?

Manager: (Shakes self out of daze as Employees begin taking orders from Customers again) Oh yeah, sorry – it’s on the house.  (Yells at the back) #4, you’re up!

Employee 2: (Peeks head out) Is it safe to come out now?

Manager: Yes, before the whole thing melts!  Just bring it to Table 1!

Employee 2: (Slowly emerges from the back delicately carrying the platter again) Right: which one’s Table 1?

Manager: (Stares at Employee 2 in disbelief) The only table with a customer sitting at it!

Employee 2: Gotcha.  (Brings the large dessert to Customer 2 and sets it gently on the table) Here ya go!

Customer 2: Thanks ever so much.  (Employee 2 rushes back to the counter; Customer 2 takes a spoon that was stuck into the dessert and whispers to the giant mass of sugar) At last, you are mine.

Manager: (To the crowd) Next!

Customer 6: (Steps up to the counter) Wow, I bet when you started this business you never thought you’d have an order for hot chocolate in the summer, huh?

Manager: True, but I also never thought I’d be serving ice cream to dozens of people past midnight either, and yet, here we are.

Story 537: The Ultimate Thrill Ride

             (At an extremely large outdoor amusement park)

Sibling 1: (After purchasing admission and putting on a wristband while handing another over to Sibling 2) I can’t believe how prices just keep going up and up and up from when we went here as kids!  At this rate, inflation’ll never end!

Sibling 2: I can’t believe you make the same observation every time you buy something lately.

Sibling 1: Oh.  Do I?

Sibling 2: Yes.  I wouldn’t have mentioned it, but I just know you’d say it again when we get something to eat and when we go to the arcade and when we do pretty much anything else here, so I decided to head you off at the pass and save myself the aggravation of having to hear it.

Sibling 1: (Mildly miffed) Wow.  I had no idea – is there anything else I do that irritates you while we’re on the subject?

Sibling 2: Well, now that you bring it up –

Sibling 1: Forget it: right now I wanna go on the swings and have a good time, and by gum, I’m gonna!  (Runs to that ride’s line)

Sibling 2: (Strolls after) Sure – no one’s stopping you.

SEVERAL HOURS LATER

Sibling 1: (As both make their fifth circuit through the amusement park) I think we hit all the highlights we wanted, right?  I still can’t get over how amazingly short the lines are!

Sibling 2: Yep: can’t beat going here on a Thursday in September.

Sibling 1: So, wanna do any repeats before we head back home and collapse in satisfied exhaustion?

Sibling 2: (Looks around) Well… not a repeat, but I’ve always had my eye on that one.  (Points to a space shuttle launchpad)

Sibling 1: (Laughs) Heh, yeah, OK.  (Looks back at Sibling 2) …You’re serious?

Sibling 2: Of course.  Why not?

Sibling 1: Because!  That’s the Rocket Ship Space Launcher – and it’s not hyperbole: it literally launches you into OUTER SPACE!

Sibling 2: Yeah?

Sibling 1: (Huffs in disbelief) I know you’re a daredevil, but even you have to admit that’s taking “thrill seeking” a bit too far!  I’m shocked it’s still in operation – last I heard, a group of riders got stuck in orbit and no one’s heard from them since!

Sibling 2: That’s an urban legend: they touched down in Antarctica a day later.

Sibling 1: WHAT?!

Sibling 2: Everybody was fine – eventually – I don’t see what the big deal is.

Sibling 1: Unbelievable.

Sibling 2: Well, I’m going on it; it you’re too much of a coward to join me, I’ll see you from the Moon, then.  (Starts walking toward the ride)

Sibling 1: (Grabs Sibling 2’s arm) Hold on: you realize this might be a little too much for you to handle, right?

Sibling 2: (As Sibling 1 lets go) Are you joking?  Don’t you remember the time I rode the Colossal Cavernous Cretinous Coaster?

Sibling 1: You must’ve been with your buddies on that trip – I’ve never even heard of it!

Sibling 2: (Chuckles while staring off in reminiscence) Few have, for only those deemed worthy in mind, body, and spirit are allowed to even learn of its existence, let alone ride it.

Sibling 1: …For real?

Sibling 2: (Still staring into the distance) It was a thing of beauty: 40 loops; 360° spins every five seconds; more than 80% of the ride is spent upside-down; the cars were reversed at least four times on the tracks; and our bodies completely broke free from gravity’s greedy grasp for a solid minute.  I’ve never experienced anything so transcendent in my entire life, and I doubt I ever will again.

Sibling 1: Oh, please.

Sibling 2: (Turns back to Sibling 1 and points at the launchpad) This one might run a close second though, and I think you should experience something that monumentally profound at least once in your life, too.

Sibling 1: I don’t get why I should: I already went on the Suborbital Slingshot with you today, against my better judgement.

Sibling 2: And you didn’t regret it, right?

Sibling 1: Mildly!  My stomach is still up in the clouds somewhere!

Sibling 2: So you won’t miss it when we go on this one – maybe you’ll get it back on the way down!

Sibling 1: (Sighs in defeat) You owe me.

Sibling 2: (Loops an arm around Sibling 1’s shoulders to lead them both to the ride) What for?  It’s not like I need a guardian or something to go on the ride.  If anything, you’ll owe me for the awesome experience you’re about to have.

(Since there is no line, the Ride Operator leaning against the control panel wakes up and straps Sibling 1 and Sibling 2 into their seats, placing spacesuit helmets over their heads and hooking them up to oxygen tanks)

Ride Operator: (Goes back to the control panel and grabs a loudspeaker) OK, keep all limbs immobile at all times; keep breathing no matter what; and if anything goes wrong, hit the red button on your seat.

Sibling 1: (Through the helmet’s microphone as Ride Operator completes the final pre-flight checks) And how are we supposed to hit the red button if our limbs are immobile at all times?!  (To Sibling 2)  The instructions need a little workshopping, it seems.

Sibling 2: (Bouncing lightly in the seat) Yeah, I wanna get off.

Sibling 1: Heh-heh, yeah.  (Turns to Sibling 2 and sees that the latter’s face is extremely pale) Are you kidding?

Sibling 2: (Shakes head slowly back and forth) Nope.

Sibling 1: I don’t believe it – how is this any different from the Colossal Whatever-Whatever Coaster?!

Sibling 2: (Barks out a laugh) That was a baby ride – they had to wake me up when it was over so I would get out.  This?!  Is off the map!

Sibling 1: (Yells over the sound of a massive exhaust release from the ride’s engines) You’re the one who talked me into riding this thing, and now you wanna bail?!  You are not leaving!

Sibling 2: (Squeezes eyes shut as the ride begins to vibrate violently) I regret everything I’ve ever done in my life!

Sibling 1: AND I HATE YOUUUUUU – (Ride launches into space) UUUUUUUU…!!!

(Sibling 1 and Sibling 2 scream as they exit Earth’s atmosphere; the capsule reaches escape velocity, then hovers in semi-orbit above the planet)

Sibling 1: (As they gaze out into the vastness of space) Wow.  Talk about transcendent.

Sibling 2: …Is that Mars?

Sibling 1: I think so.

Sibling 2: Wow. Makes everything planet-side seem rather insignificant and pointless, huh.

Sibling 1: I’ll say.  I’m starting to question the meaning of my whole existence right now.

Sibling 2: Same.

(A spaceship flies up to them and a voice beams into their helmets)

Voice: Earth Creatures: Return to your doomed planet and cease your pollution of the rest of the universe!  This is your final warning!

Sibling 1 and Sibling 2: What in the –

(They scream again as the ride begins to free fall and re-enter Earth’s atmosphere)

Sibling 1: (Sees that both of their seats’ red buttons have started flashing) What does that mean?!

Sibling 2: Guess there’s an emergency!  It’s getting a little hot in here, so I think it’s a distinct possibility we may be burning up on re-entry!

Sibling 1: For the love of – so do we both have to hit a button, or does just one of us have to hit a button?!

Sibling 2: I dunno!  (Tries wriggling a thumb to the nearest button) I can’t reach it – what about you?!

Sibling 1: Maybe!  (Reaches thumb to the nearest button) Yeah, I think so!

Sibling 2: At least one of us’ll make it, then!  I would never have forgiven myself if it was me!

Sibling 1: Don’t be so dramatic!  I’m gonna hit it now!

Sibling 2: Go ahead!  And farewell!

Sibling 1: Oh, shut it!  (Hits the button; the ride along with Sibling 1 and Sibling 2 disappear from the sky and reappear back where they started on the launchpad)

Sibling 2: (Frozen in place, along with Sibling 1) Did we just get… beamed up?!

Sibling 1: …I think we technically got beamed down.

(Ride Operator runs over to them, takes off their helmets, and releases their restraints)

Ride Operator: Are you two OK?!

Sibling 1: (Slowly stands) Yeah?  We survived, I think.

Ride Operator: (After helping Sibling 2 stand) Awesome; I forgot before you boarded the ride: could you sign these forms, please?  (Hands over two computer tablets) You can just put your thumbprint on them at this point.

Sibling 1: (As both discombobulatedly do so) Sure, what are we signing?

Ride Operator: Only that you won’t sue the amusement park, the ride manufacturer, and/or me, and that you will never speak a word to anyone else regarding what you saw, heard, smelt, tasted, and/or touched while on the ride or all those parties mentioned will sue you, thanks-bye!  (Gently shoves them through the line gate, slams it shut behind them, and shuts down the ride completely, tossing up a sign that reads “Temporarily Closed for Maintenance”)

Sibling 2: (As both stumble down the steps back to solid ground, holding onto each other for support) That… was amazing.

Sibling 1: Now that we’ve safely landed back on Planet Earth, I actually have to agree.  (They eventually start walking more steadily and stop leaning on each other) Sorry I said I hate you.

Sibling 2: That’s OK; sorry I almost abandoned you at the last minute.

Sibling 1: That’s OK.  (They stop and look around at the crowds of families and friends obliviously going about their day, then simultaneously look up at the twilight sky) You think our lives are forever changed after experiencing something like that?

Sibling 2: I do indeed.  One doesn’t touch the stars and remain the same afterward.

Sibling 1: Huh.  (They look back at each other) So now what do we do with ourselves, knowing what we know?

Sibling 2: Hmmm…. (Looks off in thought for a few moments, then back at Sibling 1) Get some ice cream?

Sibling 1: Sweet.

Story 497: First Day of Summer (for Adults)

 (In Manager’s office)

Manager: (Reviewing a large pile of paper with a red pencil; stops drawing strikethroughs and slowly looks up to stare into the middle distance) This really is all pointless….

Employee: (Startles Manager out of reverie by popping around the open door and giving it a cursory knock) Hey-Boss-you-got-a-minute?

Manager: (Shoves papers aside and gestures to a chair in front of the desk) Of course, have a seat – and you know you don’t need to call me “Boss,” right?

Employee: (Sits quickly) Yeah-yeah, sure-sure – listen, I was wondering if I could have the rest of the day off today, hm?

Manager: Why, are you feeling sick?

Employee: Of this place, yes.

Manager: Don’t… tell me that.

Employee: Sorry, it’s just that – you know what today is?

Manager: Wednesday.

Employee: Deeper than that.

Manager: …Burger Day in the cafeteria?

Employee: No, not – ooh, I should order one next time – no, I mean today’s the day.  (Manager stares blankly) The First Day of Summer.

Manager: Oh.  Right.  Great.  (They stare at each other some more)  So what?

Employee: Sooo, this used to be one of the top days of the year when I was a kid, and now it’s nothing!

Manager: No it isn’t; it’s Burger Day.

Employee: Deliciously flavored cow parts, vegetables, and bread are poor substitutes for the utter bliss that The First Day of Summer formerly entailed, and I would like to spend the rest of it this year reclaiming that joy, please.

Manager: All right, you’ve got my interest: how so?

Employee: You know!  Riding bikes throughout the countryside!  Swimming in all the pools!  Shooting hoops until midnight!  Running down the middle of an empty residential street screaming at the top of our lungs that SCHOOL!  IS!  OUT!!!!

Manager: Wow.  What an obnoxious child you must have been.

Employee: Probably, but who cared back then?!  I didn’t!

Manager: Clearly.  So, what, you want to leave here and make a public nuisance of yourself to celebrate your so-called freedom from a school you no longer have to attend, is that it?

Employee: Pretty much, yeah.

Manager: Whelp, we’ve got nothing urgent scheduled for the rest of the day, so go ahead and knock off three hours of vacation you’ll never get back this fiscal year.

Employee: (Quietly fist pumps) Yes!  Thank you!

Manager: (Briefly checks cell phone) I’m almost tempted to say “Take me with you,” but you realize the downpour that started last night hasn’t stopped for a moment and isn’t predicted to until at least next month, yes?

Employee: (Stands) No matter – the spirit of eternal youth will endure in the face of all obstacles.  Farewell!  (Skips out the door humming the tune of “No more pencils/ No more books”)

Manager: (Stares down at the red pencil and pile of papers) I must be doing something wrong with my life.

(Outside the office building, Employee bursts through the main doors and stops to breathe in the fresh air)

Employee: Aaaaaaahhhhh…. Freedom from time.  (Skips past the overhang and is immediately drenched but never falters)

(At a recreation center, Receptionist looks up from a textbook as Employee, now dressed in a bathing suit and carrying a soaking wet towel, saunters into the lobby)

Employee: Hello there – I would like to utilize the ginormous public pool on this First Day of Summer, please.

Receptionist: Pool’s 50° Fahrenheit right now and it’s continuously overflowing with the pouring rain out there.

Employee: And your point is?

Receptionist: City didn’t want to pay a lifeguard when there’s an outdoor shower going on.

Employee: Very well, then: onward to bigger and better!  (Saunters out)

Receptionist: (Shakes head and returns to homework) Kids these days.

(On a residential street, a car backing down a driveway suddenly slams on the brakes as Employee, still wearing the bathing suit, splashes by on a bicycle)

Employee: Wheeeeeeee!!!!!!

Driver: (Opens the window and leans out to yell) Nuts – ! (Is drenched and sputters) Aw, nuts!

Employee: (Continuing down the street; pops a wheelie) I’m flyin’, I’m flyin’, I’m – (Skids into a puddle) oops.  (Struggles to right the bike) All right, then – no hands!   (Releases the handlebar, balances for two seconds, and nosedives into a hedgerow.  After landing, Employee sits up while spitting out leaves) Totally worth it.

(At an outdoor basketball court, passersby carrying umbrellas briefly slow down to stare at Employee, now wearing a T-shirt and shorts, playing a one-person game of HORSE)

Employee: (Spins around several times and tries for a three-point shot; the ball bounces off the rim) Aaaaand nothing but net!  They could go all the way to the championship this year, folks!  (Retrieves the ball, does some fancy dribbles, and shoots again; the ball sails over the backboard and bounces off the fence) Yes!  They win the pennant for the 50^th season in a row!  (Stands with hands on hips in satisfaction as the rain cascades all around) I could go for some ice cream right about now.

 THE NEXT MORNING

(In Manager’s office)

Manager: (Reading aloud while typing a report) “And so, in conclusion, the point is, at the end of all things” – (Stops typing) Why I am saying the same thing over and over?

Employee: (Bursts into the room with a cursory knock again; Manager jumps slightly in chair) Hey-hey-hey, Boss!  Mind if I come in?

Manager: (Still recovering from the jump-scare) Yeah, sure, have a seat.  (Employee slides into the same chair as on the previous day) I’m surprised with your hours in the rain you don’t have all the colds for the year.

Employee: Heh-heh, that’s a myth – I feel great!

Manager: Great.  So, did you enjoy your summer vacation on the company’s dime?

Employee: (With a serene smile) Well, it was only a third of a day celebrating The First Day of Summer, but yes, yes I did.  Eternal Youth in Eternal Summer lives on for another day.

Manager: Fantastic: we have back-to-back meetings with Corporate for the rest of the week and I don’t think they’re happy with our performance this quarter so it’s very likely there’ll be no raises again this year.

Employee: (Serene smile freezes) …I’ll be on the boardwalk if you need me.