Story 552: Off-Season Hot Chocolate

             (In an ice cream parlor at a beach town during the summer, the line snakes out the door and around the corner of the building late at night.  Behind the counter, Manager and three Employees field multiple orders at a time from large groups, with no breaks from the never-ending line)

Manager: (Smiling while handing over several cones and cups to a multi-generational party, who take the desserts and run) Here ya go!  (Immediately rings up the order from memory and addresses the group’s representative) That’ll be $40.87.

Customer 1: (Freezes while digging out a wallet) It wasn’t that high last year.

Manager: (Still smiling, briefly points to the giant sign on the wall behind the counter listing all the food, drinks, and prices) Well, prices are all posted, and as you know, this is a family-run business with all our specialty, hand-crafted tastes and treats made with the utmost care and love – and all that ain’t gettin’ any cheaper.  (Holds out a hand) $40.87, please.

Customer 1: (Counts out exact change) Here – next time I’m telling them all to order the smallest size.

Manager: (Dumps the cash into the register) You do you.  (As Customer 1 starts to turn away, Manager slides the tip jar over) Ah-ah-ah.

Customer 1: I thought you said this was family-run?  Don’t you get all the profit?

Manager: Me and behind-the-scenes are family – (Nods at Employees) That crew’s a bunch of doomed college students who’ll need all the help they can get.

Employee 1: (Freezes mid-scoop) Huh?

Manager: Like you don’t know – (Points to the ice cream carton) and make sure you don’t sweat in that thing like last night!  (Employee 1 ducks out of the case while finishing scooping as Manager cheerfully turns back to Customer 1) So?

Customer 1: (Tosses a dollar into the jar) Vacations ain’t getting’ any cheaper, either.  (Leaves)

Manager: (Mutters) I’ll bet.  (Loudly) Next!

Customer 2: (Approaches the counter) Hi, can I have a… (Squints up at the giant sign) Rootin’ Tootin’ Banana Split Fruitin’ Fudge Brownie –

Manager: Yeah, I really need to shorten that title; what size?

Customer 2: GRANDE.

Manager: Ohh-kaay, that’s a large.  (Briefly taps Employee 2’s shoulder as the latter is topping off a sundae) When you’re done with that order, go in the back and make up a large #4.

Employee 2: (Whines) Aw, Boss, do I have to?

Manager: (Stares balefully at Employee 2) Yes!  You’re the only one here besides me who can make it competently, and I am not leaving this counter unsupervised!  And it’s your job, so get moving.  (Turns back to Customer 2) That’ll be a few minutes – (Points to a nearby table) Would you mind waiting there until it’s done, please?  You can pay when it’s delivered to you.

Customer 2: With great anticipation.  (Spins around, glides over to the table, and slides onto the chair)

Manager: (Quietly) Oh my.  (To the rest of the room) Next!

Customer 3: (Steps up to the counter, very intense) Hello.

Manager: Hi!  How can I help you?

Customer 3: I would like a small hot chocolate, please.

(Everyone else in the ice cream parlor freezes; mouths drop open in shock and/or mid-bite, and ice cream falls off scoops and back into cartons, unchecked)

Manager: (Trying to maintain a smile) …Come again?

Customer 3: You heard me.

Manager: We… don’t serve hot chocolate here.

Customer 4: (On line by the front door) Yeah, `cause this is an ice cream parlor, ya weirdo!

Customer 3: (Ignoring the comment) I see that you serve coffee here, correct?

Manager: Yes, rarely –

Customer 3: Well then: use the same milk steamer that you would use for that, and pour some syrup or melt some fudge in it, and there you are.  Oh, and some of your homemade mini marshmallows to top it off would be most appreciated.

Manager: It’s… more of an… off-season menu item….

Customer 3: I fail to discern the issue here.

Customer 5: (In the middle of the line) That’s right: I see everyone else having hot coffee and hot tea all summer long, what’s the big deal?!  (Is shoved back toward the door by other Customers)

(Employee 2 slowly emerges from the back delicately carrying an extremely large platter laden with brownies, fruit, candy, and more toppings than ice cream)

Employee 2: All righty, who ordered the Rootin’ Tootin’ – ?

Manager: (Still locking eyes with Customer 3) NOT!  NOW!

Employee 2: (Immediately turns around and heads into the back) Okey dokey.

Manager: (Turns and points to Employee 3) You: turn on the steamer, grab five tablespoons of chocolate chips, and make a small hot chocolate topped with mini marshmallows.

Employee 3: (Panicking) But Boss, it’s the middle of summer, this just isn’t done!

Manager: That’s an order, Rising Sophomore!  (Employee 3 wails while turning on the steamer and scrambling to gather the chocolate chips)  Welcome to the real world, kiddo!  (Turns back to Customer 3 with a strained smile) Anything else?

Customer 3: No, that’ll be all for tonight, thank you.

Manager: (Types into the register) That’ll be $4.00… plus an extra 90 cents for the topping.

Customer 3: (Hands over $5.00) Keep the dime.  (Shoves a few dollars into the tip jar) For your trouble.

Manager: (Strained smile) Thank you.  It’s no trouble.

Employee 3: (Carefully walks over to Customer 3 and shakily hands over the hot chocolate, sniffling) One small hot chocolate with mini-marshmallows topping.

Customer 3: (Takes the cup) I thank you.  (Turns to leave)

Manager: DON’T – (Customer 3 turns back) you want to try it out?  Make sure it was made to your… satisfaction?

Customer 3: (Smiles bitterly) I trust the integrity of your family-run business and doomed college staff.  (Turns around slowly to address the waiting Customers) I will not be shamed further by your judgmental views of my dessert beverage of choice, just because it’s not the stereotypical season for it!  Or iced!  Or coffee!  Or tea!  Hypocrites!  (The other Customers lower their heads, chastened)  Besides – it’s too hot and I’ll burn my mouth if I drink it right now.  (Rushes through the parting crowd and out the door, cackling)

(A few moments of embarrassed silence, until – )

Customer 2: (Raises hand while sitting at the table) Excuse me?  Can I have my #4 now, please?

Manager: (Shakes self out of daze as Employees begin taking orders from Customers again) Oh yeah, sorry – it’s on the house.  (Yells at the back) #4, you’re up!

Employee 2: (Peeks head out) Is it safe to come out now?

Manager: Yes, before the whole thing melts!  Just bring it to Table 1!

Employee 2: (Slowly emerges from the back delicately carrying the platter again) Right: which one’s Table 1?

Manager: (Stares at Employee 2 in disbelief) The only table with a customer sitting at it!

Employee 2: Gotcha.  (Brings the large dessert to Customer 2 and sets it gently on the table) Here ya go!

Customer 2: Thanks ever so much.  (Employee 2 rushes back to the counter; Customer 2 takes a spoon that was stuck into the dessert and whispers to the giant mass of sugar) At last, you are mine.

Manager: (To the crowd) Next!

Customer 6: (Steps up to the counter) Wow, I bet when you started this business you never thought you’d have an order for hot chocolate in the summer, huh?

Manager: True, but I also never thought I’d be serving ice cream to dozens of people past midnight either, and yet, here we are.

Story 335: Professional High School Student

            (In a high school guidance counselor’s office)

            Guidance Counselor: (Reviewing a college’s application requirements on its Web site) Don’t know whether they’re expecting too much from our youth or our youth expect too little from themselves – almost makes one long for a dictatorship so we can focus our disappointment on that instead.  (There is a knock on the door) Yeah, come in.

            Administrative Assistant: (Peeks head into the room) Hi – your 1:00 is here.

          Guidance Counselor: (Hurriedly looks at watch) Already?  Well, this day is just lost – send `em in.  (The door opens wider to let in a student as Guidance Counselor stands) Hi!  Thanks for meeting with me today – please sit down.

           Student: (Sits at the same time as Guidance Counselor) Thanks for scheduling this after my lunch period – especially today, I hope it means I don’t have to make up the debate that’s going on right now.

            Guidance Counselor: Yes, about that –

            Student: Oh no, am I failing Debate?!

            Guidance Counselor: Quite frankly, yes.  But I think you knew that already.

            Student: This is the first I’m hearing about it!  I can’t believe this!

            Guidance Counselor: …You see, I would empathize, if this was the first time you were failing Debate.  But it isn’t: you already have failed it.  Five times, as a matter of fact.

            Student: Oh.  Has it been five times?  I don’t remember stuff like that.

          Guidance Counselor: Or much else, apparently.  (Drops several bursting file folders onto the desk) My predecessor gave me the heads-up before retirement that you have yet to pass a single course in your senior year.

            Student: Aw gee, that’s too bad.

            Guidance Counselor: It certainly is, since you’ve been in the 12^th grade for the past 10 years.

            Student: Ooh, you mean I hit a decade?  Sweet.

          Guidance Counselor: I’m frankly flabbergasted that you weren’t forcibly graduated after the second year of this, just to get you out of here – you know you’re now older that several of your teachers, yes?

            Student: Age means nothing to me; I still treat them with the same respect as I do any of my tenured elders.

            Guidance Counselor: That’s admirable of you, but missing the point: you shouldn’t be here anymore.

            Student: Why not?  Clearly I still don’t have a good grasp of the material.

          Guidance Counselor: And yet you’ve never requested after-school help, or gotten a private tutor, or even picked easier electives!

            Student: If it’s easy, then how will I learn anything?

        Guidance Counselor (Opens a smaller file folder) What baffles me in the whole situation is this: (Hands the folder to Student) This one folder encompasses your records from Grades 9 to 11 at this school.  (Student slowly turns the pages in the folder) Three whole years!  And you were doing just fine!  Not brilliant, but at least passing!

            Student: Amazing.

            Guidance Counselor: That’s not the word for it!

           Student: No, I mean it’s amazing that all this is still on paper – doesn’t everything have to be entered into a database by now?

           Guidance Counselor: Don’t get me started on that.  (Snatches back the folder) Now.  (Holds up the folder in one hand and slams the other hand onto the piles of bursting file folders) Care to explain?

            Student: I should think it explains itself: I’m a bad student.

         Guidance Counselor: No!  (Slams the smaller file folder down onto the desk and points at Student) No, no, no!  You clearly were not a bad student up until the end of your junior year, your home life is decent, the students in all the grades love you, I snooped around and saw that nothing horrifically horrible has happened to you, and you’re in almost every extracurricular activity we have going on here, so this – (Slams hand again on the bursting file folders) is deliberate!

            Student; You snooped on me?!

           Guidance Counselor: Don’t deflect on a moral/legal point – why are you continually failing the 12^th grade on purpose?!

            Student: (Slumps in the chair in defeat and sighs dramatically) Because I don’t want it to end.

            Guidance Counselor: How’s that?

          Student: I know what’s coming, all right?  The pointless struggle, the escalating stress, the regrets, the feeling that you’re never good enough, the imposter syndrome when you actually are good enough, and the neverending fear of failure, if you’re lucky; the actual feeling of failure for pretty much everyone else.

            Guidance Counselor: You’re failing now!

            Student: Yeah, but that’s on my terms.

          Guidance Counselor: So, what, you’re afraid to go on to college?  You have other options, you know.

            Student: It’s not that – it’s this.  (Waves arms around the room)

            Guidance Counselor: You’re afraid of school?

           Student: No-no, I love school.  That’s the problem: I love the routine, going to class, hanging out with my friends, working on projects, playing sports, going to competitions, feeling like I’m somebody here.  But once we graduate, it’s all over.  Everyone scatters to the four winds to start their adult lives, few of us are ever going to see each other again, and the time is never as special as it was here.  Well, I refuse to join the ranks of the eternally disappointed, you hear me?!  So, I’m staying here forever instead.

            Guidance Counselor: But your classmates graduate every year, so you’re still never going to see them again.

            Student: Not every year: I figured out the third time around that if I make closer friends with them as freshmen, I get all four years outta them as if we were in the same grade.

            Guidance Counselor: I feel for you, I really do, but you can’t live like this.

           Student: Why not?  My parents actually like me staying at home, I have an after-school job that pays the bills, the only one this is hurting is the school’s stats, but I’m just one student out of hundreds of thousands so really, who cares?

            Guidance Counselor: But you can’t be happy flunking for the rest of your life!

            Student: It’s actually gotten to be kind of fun, so your argument’s fallacious.

            Guidance Counselor: Aha!  So you should be passing Debate after all!

          Student: (Shrugs) Eh: take the same class for six years, you’re bound to pick up something.

         Guidance Counselor: (Types on the computer) I’m entering a recommendation that you be graduated at the end of this year due to time served.

            Student: (Sits up) WHAT?!

          Guidance Counselor: I also need a full-time assistant, since the student size has doubled since you originally started your career here – if you take courses in school counseling, you can stay here and work with students for the rest of your days, and never ever have to leave.

            Student: (Slumps again) I guess I should’ve known the dream had to end one day – that’s life for you.

            Guidance Counselor: See?  And you didn’t even have to graduate to experience that.