A summer morning
in a city that never sleeps: the constant traffic that had lessened a bit in
the past few hours starts ramping it up from “steady” to “bumper-to-bumper”; stores
that were closed only to reset after the business day have opened with the
rising sun, lines of customers already circling around the block; the beaches
have not a grain of sand uncovered by blankets and chairs; all the tours are in
full-swing; and the birds sing the anxiety of the day.
A shift worker
driving during through the city mid-morning stops over 50 times in a three-mile
commute to avoid hitting cyclists swerving out of the bike lane and pedestrians
crossing streets just everywhere.
Worker: (Stopped
in the middle of the busy avenue as a whole group of babies cross against the light
on their way to the beach) Let’s move to the shore – it’ll be sooooooo relaxing
– you can avoid the main road during the summer – not if work is on the
main road, now can I?! (Leans out the
driver’s side window) No, no trouble at all, I’ve got nowhere to be in a hurry,
you enjoy the easy life you so richly deserve!
Tourist: (To
self, while crossing the street) This is my one week off a year….
A refurbished
trolley turns onto the avenue at half speed in front of Worker’s car.
Tour Guide 1:
(Voice blasting through the trolley’s speakers) And coming up on our left is a
house-turned-hostel considered to be the most haunted building in all of
–
Worker: (Blares the
car horn and leans out the window again) The original building burned down 15
years ago and the ghosts are just the defective central air ductwork!
Tour Guide 1: (Leans
out the left front trolley window, still holding the microphone and speaking in
a low, deadly voice) Shame on you.
Worker: (Blares the
car horn longer) MOVE IT!!!
The trolley,
filled with the sounds of children crying, eventually turns down a side
street. Thirty minutes later, Worker
finds an opening in the traffic to make a hasty left turn into the seafood
restaurant’s parking lot and snags the last spot in the back.
Worker: (Exits
the car, stares at the calm exterior of the restaurant belying the chaos
within, and then turns to the nearby dock where the day’s specials still are
being hauled in) You know, I’ve really gotten to hate fish.
At a nearby
park, several adults sit on benches watching their children in the playground.
Adult 1: I
actually have a dentist’s appointment later today.
Adult 2:
Really? Your doctor stuck around for
August?
Adult 1: Yeah,
basically riding it out till retirement.
I can’t walk from my house and expect to get there before tomorrow
though, so I gotta leave here in a few minutes if I want to make it on time.
Adult 2: What
time’s the appointment?
Adult 1: 3:00.
Adult 2: (Checks
watch and sees that it is almost 11 a.m.) Might just about make it.
A charter bus
turns into the parking lot and the passengers disembark in groups of 10.
Tour Guide 2:
(Speaking through a megaphone) And this little oasis of tranquility is one of
the best-kept secrets of –
Adult 1: (Gasps
in horror, then quickly gathers belongings as Adult 2 does the same) Playtime’s
over, kids – they found the park!
The adults and
children run screaming back to their cars and re-enter the collective traffic
jam.
At a beach
entrance, the badge checker seated in a chair fights the intense sunshine with
an umbrella and the intense boredom with a book as a beachgoer approaches with
minimal gear.
Beachgoer: Howdy! (Shows a badge)
Badge Checker:
(Stares at it closely) I don’t understand – this is a resident badge.
Beachgoer: Yes
indeedy! Moved here this past winter and
been looking forward to finally going to the wonderful beach my taxes are
paying for! (Takes in the brief snippets
of ocean between umbrellas and bodies, and sighs) This’ll be great!
Badge Checker:
Well, have fun!
Beachgoer:
Thanks – stay cool! (Sets off at a brisk
trot across the hot sand)
Badge Checker:
(Watches as Beachgoer struggles to find a patch of sand to stake a claim) Poor naïve
newb – you’ll learn. (Sees a horde of
badgeless bathers approaching) Ergh – no one for ages, then they all come at
once.
In a school,
students attending summer session work on their projects when a car full of
post-adolescents drives by with loud music blaring.
Driver and
Passengers: (All wearing swimsuits and leaning out the car windows to yell at
the school) SUCKERS!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Student: (Raises
hand) Teacher? Must The Tourists always
declare that as they pass our academic institution?
Teacher: Forgive
them, children, for one day you too may be The Tourists yourselves.
Students: (In
understanding) Ohhhh….
They resume
their work as Teacher stares wistfully out the window.
Teacher: As I
myself was, long, long ago….
That night, one
of the 200 ice cream parlors in the city has a never-ending line as the
college-student employees struggle to keep up.
Employee: (Mutters
while walking from the cash register back to the front counter and seeing the
formless crowd that awaits) We really need a ticket system like a supermarket
deli counter – (Louder) Next?!
Customer: Ooh,
me! (Looks intensely at the cases
holding the different ice cream flavors) Ummm, let me think….
Employee: You’ve
been on line for at least 10 minutes and there are several signs listing the
choices on the way in.
Customer: I
know, but I need to see them for myself… ummm… OK, could I have the peanut
butter chocolate, please?
Employee:
(Stifles a scream) That’s the carton that’s empty.
Customer: Oh,
sorry! None in the back, then?
Employee: It
wouldn’t have stayed there long.
Customer:
Gotcha. (Starts looking at the flavors
again) Ummmm….
Employee: (Looks
up at the front door and sees the line outside has tripled) The one with peanut
butter cups is similar if you want something like that.
Customer: (Finds
that in the case) Um, nah, I’d want more chocolate ice cream, this one’s
vanilla. Ummmm....
Employee: (Sees
the line has quadrupled) Would you like a few more minutes and I’ll serve you
after the next – ?
Customer: Oooh,
I got it! Plain chocolate, please.
Employee: …Cone
or cup?
Customer: Ummmm…
which do you recommend?
Employee:
Neither: we’re not allowed to influence customers’ decisions.
Customer: Oh,
ummmm, cup then, please.
Employee: Small,
medium, or large?
Customer:
Definitely large – go all out when you’re on vacation, am-I-right?
Employee: Yeah. (Creates the order and rings it up at the
register; Customer adds a tip to the jar before Employee hands over the cup)
Thank you – enjoy.
Customer:
(Starting on the ice cream) Oh I will.
It must be hard working here, surrounded by all this yummy, yummy ice
cream, so tempting!
Employee:
(Stares out at the quintupled line of customers crowding the front door) Not
especially, no.
In a
supermarket, a shopper arrives with a full cart at the front register.
Cashier: (While
ringing up the items) Oh, hi! I haven’t
seen you in a while, but I only just got switched back to nights recently.
Shopper: That’s
a bummer.
Cashier: It’s
OK, I requested it – summer daytime hours were getting to be too much with all
the you-know-whos all over the place here; it’s actually rather peaceful
working late nights while they’re off seafood-dinnering and ice-cream-sundaeing
and miniature-golfing and bar-hopping and after-hours-pool-trespassing and
after-hours-beach-trespassing and – yeah.
Shopper: Don’t I
know it; why do you think I always shop here after 9 at night?
Cashier:
Smart. Dodge the crowds and no waiting
on lines, either.
Shopper: Darn
tootin’.
As the full moon
shines down on the gatherings for movies-on-the-beach, diner cruises, casual
strollers, cyclists out for one last thrill, and overtired children vainly
struggling against the dreaded bedtime, the shift worker drives home from the restaurant
covered in food detritus.
Worker:
(Crawling through stop-and-go traffic on the main avenue) When am I gonna find
time to vacuum the house now that I’ve got a double-shift tomorrow? When’s my vacation from this vacation
town? I think I’ll book a getaway to the
Pine Barrens. (Stops as the traffic
light changes again, balefully watches the crowd continuously surging toward
the beach promenade, then looks up and sees the moon shining brightly over the
soothing ocean waves) Ahhhhh…. It’s a view like this that makes it all worth
it. (A party parade suddenly appears in
the middle of the street, club music blares from everywhere, and revelers dance
around the cars that are now at a standstill.
Worker’s eyes glaze over while taking in the scene) And then, something
like this happens.
