(On a park trail)
Friend 1: I’m mad.
Friend 2: Oh dear, what now?
Friend 1: Whaddya mean, “What now?” I don’t complain a lot.
Friend 2: Ha!
Friend 1: OK, you got me – I complain all the time.
Friend 2: That you do. So: what now?
Friend 1: (Sighs and gestures at the beauty of nature around them) This. (Gestures at the two of them) I mean, look at us!
Friend 2: (Looks down without breaking stride) Has something happened that I’m not aware of?
Friend 1: Apparently – we’re wearing long sleeves and long pants, and I can’t stand it!
Friend 2: …Whyyyyy???
Friend 1: Because only two weeks ago we were wearing short sleeves and short pants! And complaining how hot it was and that we were out here melting!
Friend 2: You certainly were.
Friend 1: That’s beside the point: just because our made-up calendar no longer states “August,” Nature gets it into her head to flip a switch and shut down production!
Friend 2: Other way around, you know: the calendar was made up to reflect the flipping switches of Nature.
Friend 1: Still – two weeks! And we suddenly have to bundle up in our woolies and watch in helpless horror as all these glorious leaves wither up in beautiful colors and collectively leap to their demise!
Friend 2: (Looks around) Been taking longer and longer to do that each year lately, you notice that?
Friend 1: That’s an unrelated catastrophe; my rant involves the fact that it took forever for us to get to summer, and now, oh well, inexorable march of time marches on, here’s fall all y’all, like it or lump it, and I’m sick of lumping it!
Friend 2: You could always just like it.
Friend 1: Bah!
Friend 2: OK.
Friend 1: I still want to go to the beach! I still want to have ice cream! I still want the thrill of the boardwalk!
Friend 2: You still can, you know – those things are around all year long.
Friend 1: Yeah, but not with lifeguards! Or college-kid-staffed parlors! Or fireworks! Or super-long-lines everywhere!
Friend 2: You’re right: some of those’re better this time of year.
Friend 1: You’re no help at all. It’s also getting too night out too early now.
Friend 2: That, I agree with: I miss sunset being around 9:00 in the evening; now it’s just getting gloomy.
Friend 1: Exactly! And soon enough, sunset’ll be at 4:30!
Friend 2: Well, by then it’ll be winter so we’ll be hibernating anyway.
Friend 1: Don’t talk to me about winter! I’m not done slandering autumn yet!
Friend 2: Then by all means, continue.
Friend 1: I’ll switch gears instead: summer means the smell of chlorine, and swimming in tidal waves under teenage supervision, and outdoor concerts, and outdoor dining, and staying up all night long without thought of any consequences, and parties with your friends, and vacation all day long even if you’re not going anywhere, and carefree biking through the neighborhood streets, and living just for the endless day, and, and….
Friend 2: And feeling like a kid again?
Friend 1: (Slows to a stop; Friend 2 does likewise) Is that what this is?
Friend 2: A bit, at least for you – sounds like it’s the one season you can time travel back to when you were happier.
Friend 1: I’m happy now!
Friend 2: I said “happier.”
Friend 1: Oh. I guess. Point is, I want it to be summer forever.
Friend 2: (Starts walking again, followed by Friend 1) Well, it can’t: the planet has to continue tilting on its axis back and forth as it orbits the Sun; flora and fauna have evolved to match the seasonal changes throughout the world; and you’ll feel better about everything if you just accept that instead of mentally fighting it all the time.
Friend 1: I guess. Unless….
Friend 2: What could possibly follow that?
Friend 1: Unless I figure out a way to stop the Earth tilting on its axis and straighten out its elliptical orbit so it’s optimal summer for our part of the world all year, every year, forever and ever, and –
Friend 2: And that’s a supervillain origin story if I ever heard one, you realize that?
Friend 1: Only if I fail!
Friend 2: You can be really bonkers sometimes, I have to say.
Friend 1: (Hastily brushes off several fallen leaves) Maybe, but it’s all in good fun.
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