Story 650: Fall Equinox, Fall Equilux

            (Friend 1 and Friend 2 sit on a park bench, watching the ducks swim in a pond, when a leaf falls onto the ground from a nearby tree)

Friend 1: (Looks down at the leaf and sighs) Whelp, it’s official.

Friend 2: What is?

Friend 1: Fall.  Just as that leaf did.

Friend 2: Oh, well – that time of year.

Friend 1: I know, it’s only that I wish summer would last all year long – it feels shorter and shorter every time.

Friend 2: You were complaining when it was 90° less than a month ago.

Friend 1: Well, I don’t want that much summer.  Just a mellow 70-80° spread and 16 hours of sunlight each day is all I’m asking.

Friend 2: All year long?

Friend 1: All year long.

Friend 2: You know, today we get around 12 hours of day and 12 hours of night with the Fall Equinox.

Friend 1: I prefer the Fall Equilux.

Friend 2: What’s that?

Friend 1: Exactly 12 hours of day and 12 hours of night.  Happens about a day earlier.

Friend 2: For real?

Friend 1: It’s a science nerd thing – we mere mortals wouldn’t understand.

Friend 2: You’re the one who brought it up.

Friend 1: I liked the sound of it.

Friend 2: Whatever: what I was driving at was that you should at least be happy that we get equal parts day and night this week.

Friend 1: Yes, I’m sure we Northern Hemisphere-ers are just thrilled to be reminded that we’re now going to have more night than day for the next six months.

Friend 2: Southern Hemisphere-ers should be happy getting more day than night for the next six months, though.

Friend 1: True.  How I loathe them.

(They stare at the swimming ducks and the falling leaves while the setting Sun shines through the trees)

Friend 1: Doesn’t all this withering plant life remind you that, with every autumn, you’re that much closer to The End?

Friend 2: I actively try not to let it.

Friend 1: Oh.  Just me, then.

Friend 2: Right, OK, here are some stuff to look forward to: fall festivals.

Friend 1: Mm.

Friend 2: Apple picking.

Friend 1: Mm.

Friend 2: Halloween?

Friend 1: I’ve barely reached the point in the year where I can emotionally accept it.

Friend 2: Looking at the colors of the beautiful leaves –

Friend 1: Dead leaves.

Friend 2: – beautiful dead leaves that you don’t have to rake up?

Friend 1: Mmmm.

Friend 2: Pumpkin spice everything?

Friend 1: I can get that any time of the year.

Friend 2: Not really.

Friend 1: Oh.

Friend 2: Cooler walks in the park without sweating up a storm?

Friend 1: Eh.

Friend 2: Back to sweaters and jeans instead of T-shirts and shorts?

Friend 1: Hm.  I do love a good sweater.

Friend 2: OK then.

(They sit in silence for a few moments again)

Friend 1: All right, I think I’ve quietly mourned summer enough –

Friend 2: “Quietly”?

Friend 1: – and I’m ready to accept fall and all its trappings.  I only ask for one favor.

Friend 2: Sure, I’ll try – what is it?

Friend 1: Keep winter and all its trappings away from me until at least November.

Friend 2: Now that’s asking for a miracle.

Story 426: Never Happy With the Weather

 WINTER

(At a table in a café)

Friend 1: (Bundled up in a snowsuit, several wool hats, and mittens over gloves, and shivering while sipping a coffee; to Friend 2) Sorry, but this was a mistake: we should’ve just had coffee at our respective homes and met by video chat or something.

Friend 2: (Has coat, hat, and gloves draped over a chair and sips a hot cocoa relaxedly) You’re the one who wanted to “break hibernation” for something that wasn’t work.

Friend 1: (Ironically burns tongue) I know, and I thought I could handle the short bursts outdoors from apartment to car to here like usual, but outdoors decided to turn the air conditioning up to the max and not break single-digit Fahrenheit.  I look up at the distant sun in the crystal clear sky, and it laughs at me.

Friend 2: Heard we’re supposed to get a blizzard tomorrow.

Friend 1: I heard that as well, and chose to ignore that abomination.

Friend 2: Snow, ice, and high winds – might get two feet accumulation.

Friend 1: You sound suspiciously schadenfreudedly about that.

Friend 2: You make that up just now?

Friend 1: I took the German word for getting enjoyment out of other people’s misery, and English adverbed it.

Friend 2: Well, I’m not thrilled about the storm, I’m just finding the situation amusing because you were recently complaining that last month was too warm and the Earth needed winter.

Friend 1: The Earth does need it, but I don’t!  And I’ll be happy when we hit 90° again.  (Spills some of the coffee while shiveringly sipping it some more)

Friend 2: Uh-huh: give you six months.

 SUMMER

(At a public pool, swimmers are frolicking while Friend 1 and Friend 2 relax on nearby deck chairs)

Friend 1: (Wearing a cropped tank top and short shorts) This was a mistake –

Friend 2: (Wearing a loose cotton T-shirt, baggy shorts, and a wide-brimmed hat) Here we go.

Friend 1: We should’ve just stayed in our respective homes and met by video chat or something.

Friend 2: You said being by the water should cool us off; I thought you were going to suggest the beach with the off-shore breeze, but this is fine, too.

Friend 1: I thought having all this water around would cool us off by osmosis – clearly, I was mistaken!

Friend 2: (Gestures to the pool) Why don’t you just jump in, then?

Friend 1: What, you mean with all the people in there?

Friend 2: You’re ridiculous.

Friend 1: It doesn’t help that outdoors decided to turn the furnace up to the max and break triple-digits Fahrenheit.  I look up at the nearby sun in the hazy sky, and it melts my face off.

Friend 2: Just think, six months ago you would’ve wanted to be as overheated as you are now.

Friend 1: (Blinks at Friend 2) I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Friend 2: I’m sure you don’t.  Going in for a swim now.  (Removes layers for swimsuit underneath and jackknifes off the diving board into the pool)

Friend 1: (Drenched by the outer edges of the resulting splash) Oh, sweet tidal wave – how I’ve longed for ye.

 WINTER

(At a table in a café)

Friend 1: (Wearing two snowsuits, barely able to move; voice is muffled by multiple hats and scarves) This was a mis-

Friend 2: Don’t even start.

 SPRING

(In a public park, Friend 1 and Friend 2 are lounging in beach chairs under a shady tree)

Friend 1: (Breathes in contentedly as a warm breeze wafts through the air) Ahhhh….

Friend 2: Is this all right now, Goldilocks?

Friend 1: Hm?

Friend 2: Temp’s in the high 60s; mild to no wind; we don’t have to wear quilts or ice packs…?

Friend 1: Oh.  Yeah, you’re right: this is perfect.

Friend 2: Finally.

(They sit in silence for a few moments)

Friend 1: (Starts shifting around in the chair) Too perfect.

Friend 2: Theeeeere it is.