Story 448: The Great 4th of July Party Platter Hunt

 The great hunt begins.

After the ordeal of commuting from The City after the ordeal of The Workday, The Hunter mounts the trusty metallic steed and frantically charges toward the stationary herds where the prey is anticipated to await.

The date: July 3.

The target: a fruit platter large enough for a gathering of both family and friends.

The back-up plan: buying individual strawberries, cantaloupes, honeydews, pineapples, and watermelons, and chopping up the whole mess.  This is not an ideal alternative: it will be slipshod, it will be haphazard, it will be slovenly, and it will reek of procrastination.

The Hunter arrives at Herd #1, Supermarket Down-the-Street; rapidly dismounts the cooling metallic steed; and charges directly into the Herd.

Target Acquired: the display of pre-packed fruit and vegetables sits brazenly in the open, daring those strong enough to come seize the spoils.

The Hunter hesitates not and plunges ahead.

The shelves in the display are practically bare: the only ones left are a tiny platter fit for a mere family dinner, and a large platter exactly at its sell-by date.

Blast.  The hunt continues.

The Hunter remounts the metallic steed and charges across the street to Herd #2, The Rival Supermarket Down-the-Street.

After several minutes wading through the terrain, it is determined that no fruit platters were ever actually to be had here.  This Herd is left intact, and the hunt continues once more.

The Hunter remounts the metallic steed yet again, temperature of both rider and vehicle steadily increasing, and embarks for Herd #3, The Supermarket Next-Town-Over.

Upon charging into the midst of the herd, it is glaringly apparent that all prey have been claimed by other hunters long ago; The Hunter about-faces and leaves immediately.

At The Rival Supermarket Next-Town-Over, the shelves empty of prey in Herd # 4 stare back at The Hunter for quite some time before the former runs out the door.  Less than a minute later, an employee wheels over a cart of platters to restock the shelves, unobserved.

At last, The Hunter has success with Herd #5: a fruit platter that is not too big or too small, but just right.  The Hunter uses a net with a grappling hook to snare the perfect platter, inspect the sell-by date, and whisk the prize off to the self-check-out lane.  The Hunt has come to a successful conclusion after much toil and heartache.

The date: July 4.

The great migratory herds of hunters and their metallic steeds slowly crawl through roads packed with massive numbers of their kind, as all head to watering holes of various sizes to eat, drink, and watch colored flames exploding in the sky to celebrate their status as an independent nation, and all the sacrifices and hard work that these festivities represent.

Hunter’s Companion, in the driver’s seat of the metallic steed, turns to Hunter as they wait to advance another inch and says, “You know, it’ll take us forever to get there, but at least it’ll be fun once we do.  Good thing you got the fruit platter yesterday instead of waiting till today, huh.”

Hunter: “…I left it on the kitchen counter!”

Story 422: Next Year Will Be Different

 NEW YEAR’S EVE

 (At a large building transformed into a party hall)

Partygoer 1: It’s almost midnight, the beginning of a new year, I can’t wait!

Partygoer 2: Why?

Partygoer 1: …`Cause it’s a new year!  New beginnings, new starts, new initiatives!

Partygoer 2: That’s three ways to say the same thing, and it’ll be none of them.

Partygoer 1: Huh?

Partygoer 2: It’s just another day – the same problems you have right now won’t magically disappear because some arbitrary, human-made, time-telling device says we’ve started a new round of trying to organize the variable, location-dependent seasons into something our puny brains can comprehend.  The only actual real-world impact from tonight is that the Earth has reached the same spot in its orbit where it was last year, which we do every day anyway.  The whole thing is pretty meaningless when you think about it.

Partygoer 1: (Blinks)

Partygoer 2: (Blinks back)

Partygoer 1: Why are you even at this party?

Partygoer 2: Free booze.  (Slurps drink)

Partygoers 3-500: HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Partygoer 1: Woo-boo!  (Throws glitter into the air and spins a noisemaker; to Partygoer 2) You’ll see: next year will be different!

Partygoer 2: Don’t you mean this year now?

Partygoer 1: Oh.

 NEW YEAR’S EVE

(At a large building transformed into a party hall)

Partygoer 1: It’s almost midnight, the beginning of a new year, I can’t wait!

Partygoer 2: You again, I see.  So was this year any different from last year?

Partygoer 1: It sure was!  I got a new job and a new house!

Partygoer 2: Wow, that certainly is different.

Partygoer 1: Darn tootin’!  (Spins noisemaker)

Partygoer 2: So: new job to drain your soul and new expenses to drain your bank account?

Partygoer 1: (Looks around shiftily while sipping from a martini glass) Maybe.

Partygoer 2: So: next year you don’t want new beginnings, etc., etc., right?  You already got all that this year so next year shouldn’t be different, right?

Partygoer 1: Well….

Partygoer 2: Go on.

Partygoer 1: I would like a new boss – my current one apparently is an escaped demon.

Partygoer 2: Ah, one of those.

Partygoer 1: And I would like better neighbors – and my mortgage interest rate to go down – and that weird leak to go away – and better –

Partygoers 3-500: HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Partygoer 2: Whelp, it’s a new year now: time for everything to automatically change no matter what.

Partygoer 1: (Spins noisemaker frantically) Woooo-hooooo!  Next year will be different!

Partygoer 2: (Slurps the free booze) You tell `em.

 NEW YEAR’S EVE

 (At a large building transformed into a party hall)

Partygoer 1: (On crutches) It’s almost midnight, the beginning of a new year, I can’t wait!

Partygoer 2: Good heavens, you look awful.  How’s life treating you now?

Partygoer 1: Well, not so great, actually: I keep getting weird injuries; a few relatives passed away; demon boss hired a demon coworker for me to play with; half of my new house collapsed – you know, the usual.

Partygoer 2: I see.

Partygoers 3-500: HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Partygoer 1: (Swings noisemaker with one hand while holding onto crutches with the other) Wooooooo-hooooooo!!!!!  Next year will be different!

Partygoer 2: I don’t doubt it.

 NEW YEAR’S EVE

(At a large building transformed into a party hall)

Partygoer 1: It’s –

Partygoer 2: Come off it, mate; it’s just me here.

Partygoer 1: Oh right, never mind.

Partygoer 2: At least the crutches are gone now.

Partygoer 1: Only because both knees’ve been replaced.

Partygoer 2: Ouch.

Partygoer 1: Yeah; I was out from work for two months with all that so demon boss had time to turn the rest of the office against me and promote demon coworker, who is now demon boss #2.

Partygoer 2: Ew.

Partygoer 1: Still, I have a job, and the house repairs are coming along, even though I’m still technically only living in half of it.

Partygoer 2: Is that so.

Partygoer 1: Ooh, ooh, I almost forgot – I won the lotto this year!

Partygoer 2: Well, that’s great.

Partygoer 1: Yeah!  Except after taxes it was only about, you know, five bucks.  But it felt nice.

Partygoer 2: I see.

Partygoer 1: It’s funny, all these years and I’ve never asked: how’s your year been?

Partygoer 2: Oh, the same as last year, and the year before that, and the year before that, and –

Partygoers 3-500: HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Partygoer 1: (Spins noisemaker until the top half flies off) WOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Partygoer 2: – but I’m sure next year will be different.

Story 381: Bonding With a Stranger Over Pop Culture

 (At an anniversary dinner in a banquet hall, two couples and two singles are seated at that table during the lull between everyone arriving and the pasta course)

Guest 1: (To the others at the table) So, how do you all know the guests of honor?  We – (Gestures to Guest 2) used to play golf and mah-jongg with them, but once something major like knee surgery or moving out-of-state happens, these things just kind of drop off on their own, you know?

Guest 2: Yeah, that’s Life: things just happen.  Or stop happening, in this case.

Guest 3: Well, I used to work with both of them way back when, and then they got promoted and I got fired – the two events were unrelated, but they still invite me to all their stuff out of guilt for some reason.  I haven’t actually spoken to them outside of these things for over 20 years.

Guest 4: And I keep getting invited because we – (Gestures to Guest 3) were married; we divorced ages ago, but they don’t need to know that.

Guest 3: Least I could do: a free meal’s a free meal.

Guest 1: (To Guest 5 and Guest 6) And what about you two?

Guest 5: Distant cousin who didn’t make the cut for one of the family tables.

Guest 6: I met them once at my boss’s barbecue – I don’t even know how they got my address.

Guest 1: Oh.  Welcome.  (Servers deliver the pasta) Oh thank goodness – dig in!

(They all focus on the food and make it last as long as possible; the couples begin talking within their own units, while the singles continue on in silence.  Guest 5 cuts the pasta into miniscule pieces, and Guest 6 soon turns the old stand-by of playing on a cell phone)

Guest 6: (Scrolling through an article, grumbling) Aw no, someone posted spoilers already?  My night’s ruined.

Guest 5: (Maximizing the sauce) Everything OK?

Guest 6: (Distracted) Oh – yeah – just some show I watch; new episode’s on tonight and people already are posting spoilers.  It’s not even over yet; there’s still 20 minutes left.

Guest 5: Heh, is that Sword Slash?

Guest 6: (Perks up) Why, yes it is – you watch it?

Guest 5: Every week.  I’m gonna catch it after I get home from this, so please don’t tell me what everyone’s posting.

Guest 6: (Pockets the phone) Wouldn’t dream of it.  So, what do you think of the whole trapped-in-the-mountain storyline this season?

Guest 5: I’m on the fence about that: it’s an interesting change of pace, shake things up for the series –

Guest 6: Definitely after last season.

Guest 5: Oh yeah – those trolls?  The castle burning down for no good reason? The out-of-nowhere love triangle that nobody asked for?

Guest 6: Ugh, I hate love triangles.  Two people being mushy are bad enough and now we’ve got a third, adding their angst and drama?  Barf.

Guest 5: I know, it’s totally manufactured conflict and pads the runtime; take it out and we’d never miss it…. What was I saying earlier?

Guest 6: They’re all trapped in the mountain now.

Guest 5: Right – yes, good shake-up for the series, but after five episodes it’s getting a bit old, don’t you think?

Guest 6: Oh yeah, but they did have that whole issue with location filming so I can see why they had to keep the sets limited.

Guest 5: True, but still: how long can they all wander around the same bunch of tunnels and keep us interested?  I’m starting to feel the apathy creeping back in, and I used to be obsessed with this show two years ago.

Guest 6: Ah yes, The Golden Age when ---- ---- was still in the cast.  Too bad that one had to go off and make movies and be even more successful and whatever.

Guest 5: Speaking of, did you see their new movie?

Guest 6: (Servers deliver the main course, and Guest 5 and Guest 6 eat while talking) I did.  Not a fan.

Guest 5: Really?  I liked it, but it had its flaws.

Guest 6: I never thought I would use this term in my life, but I found the whole thing a bit bombastic.

Guest 5: Ouch.  I guess you could call it that.

Guest 6: Don’t get me wrong: acting was decent, writing was… passable, but the directing?  So.  Much.  Everything!

Guest 5: Oh yeah, my face was stuck in a cringe for the last hour, and I was sitting next to one of the speakers in the theater so that didn’t help.  Did they really need to show that many supernovas?  And I’m pretty sure there’s no sound in space, so why did we have to hear them all go “boom”?

Guest 6: I know.  The soundtrack was phenomenal, though; I actually bought it and it’s great to hear the music when it’s not overlaid by all the explosions and screams.

Guest 5: Ooh, I’ll have to check that out, thanks!

Guest 6: Sure.  I was surprised ---- did a song on it, during that one quiet scene by the neutron star.

Guest 5:  Really?  That was ----?  I love all their stuff, how could I’ve missed it?!

Guest 6: Easy to do: post-production added electromagnetic waves from stars over the vocals, I guess to emphasize how much in space we all were.  The soundtrack has just the vocals and the music, which usually bothers me when it’s changed from what was in the movie but in this case was an improvement.

Guest 5: I’ll have to get that album, then.  Did you get ----’s new one yet?

Guest 6: Yes, but it doesn’t have the movie song on it `cause of the rights or something.

Guest 5: Bummer; still, don’t you think the album’s amazing?

Guest 6: Sure do – listen to it all the time.  (Takes out the phone again)  Wanna listen to some of it now?

Guest 5: YES.

Guest 1: (Stands with Guests 2, 3, and 4) We’re all going to the buffet table for dessert – you two want some?

Guest 5: Nah, I’m good, thanks.

Guest 6: Yeah, we’re working on something here right now.  (Both lean closer to the phone to listen to the music)

Guest 1: (Mutters while heading to dessert) Weirdos.

(Later that night, Guest 5 greets parents while entering the house)

Guest 5: Hi!  I’m home!

Parent 1: Have a good time?  Or at least some good food?

Guest 5: Both!  I was at a table with a bunch of strangers, but I wound up talking to the one next to me about movies, and shows, and music – we pretty much liked all the same things, it was great!

Parent 2: How nice!  What was their name?

Guest 5: …Name?

Story 343: Epic Birthday Drive-By Party

            (On a park trail)

            Friend 1: Don’t you just love the beginning of Summer?

            Friend 2: Summer doesn’t start for another month.

            Friend 1: No one cares about the “official” date – this is the weekend it actually matters.

          Friend 2: You mean the weekend we’re supposed to be honoring those who served our country?

          Friend 1: That goes without saying – I’m talking about Summer!  Fun in the sun; crowds everywhere there’s water; vacation, vacation, vacation!

         Friend 2: Think that’s a little dampened this year – (Sees a walker on the trail approaching them) masks up.  (Friends 1 and 2 pull up their face masks as the walker passes them; all three nod at each other)

          Friend 1: (As they both lower their masks) You’re being more of a buzzkill than usual – something up?

            Friend 2: Where to start?!

            Friend 1: Besides all that – something new?

          Friend 2: Well, I guess it’s just that I normally don’t care much about my birthday, except this year is a big one and we all were going to go to Vegas –

            Friend 1: Ah, Vegas.

          Friend 2: – and I know there’s so much else going on right now, but I was really looking forward to it and we were supposed to fly out tomorrow morning so we’d be there for my birthday that night, and it would’ve been a lot of fun to see the whole crew together again, and I’m just a little bummed out about the whole thing.

            Friend 1: Hm.  Anything else?

            Friend 2: No, thank goodness.

         Friend 1: (Silent for a few moments) You know, I just got an idea: don’t make any plans tomorrow.

            Friend 2: I already didn’t have any now – what’s up?

            Friend 1: (Evil grin) Oh, you’ll see, mwahahahaha-!

            Friend 2: Knock it off.

            Friend 1: Sorry.  But don’t worry: you’ll love it.

            Friend 2: Why does that make me even more nervous?

THE NEXT MORNING

            Friend 2: (Answering the phone at home) Hi?

            Friend 1: Happy Birthday!  Look outside your front window.

          Friend 2: (Peers through the blinds and sees Friend 1 holding a “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” banner with balloons and waving wildly) Aw, thank you so much!  I’ll be right out!  (Goes outside and sees two beach chairs set up with a cooler and a boombox within reach) You’re so sweet!  You didn’t have to do all this, you know.

            Friend 1: I know – sit down.  (Plants the banner and balloons on stakes in the ground and they both sit on the chairs, facing the street)  Now – (Turns on the boombox to play really loud 80s and 90s music, opens the cooler, takes out two fruit drinks, gives one to Friend 2, and they clink bottles) – they should be here any minute.

            Friend 2: Aw, did you arrange a birthday drive-by party for me, too?

            Friend 1: Maybe.  (Looks at watch) Yes, and now they’re late.

            Friend 2: How did you get anybody with less than a day’s notice?

            Friend 1: They jumped at the chance to do something besides watching TV all day – ooh, here they come!

           (Both stand as decorated, beeping cars slowly drive down the street, everyone inside yelling out birthday wishes)

            Friend 2: (Waving and crying) This is so nice!  Oh look, our Vegas crew!

         Vegas Crew: (Everyone, including the driver, is hanging out the windows) Wooooooo!!!!  Party-party-party-party – (They continue down the street)

            Friend 2: (Sees trucks and flashing lights approaching) Oh no, that fire truck can’t get through with everyone in the way!

            Friend 1: There’s no fire – that I know of – that’s for you.

            Friend 2: What?!  Why?!

            Friend 1: I told them you were a disappointed 5-year-old.

            Friend 2: But that’s a lie!

            Friend 1: Not really – in a sense, aren’t we all disappointed 5-year-olds?

            Friend 2: You – (The fire truck stops in front of the house) Sorry, there’s no kid, it’s just me!

           Firefighter: Eh, we do it for everybody.  Have a lolly.  (Tosses Friends 1 and 2 lollipops as the radio crackles) Whelp, got a real emergency now – (Takes out a megaphone and addresses the line of cars ahead) Everybody, move to your right!  (The line of cars shifts to the right as the fire truck blares its way down the street) Happy Birthdaaaaaaayyyy….

            Friend 2: (Sits back on the beach chair) Wow, that was great, thank you so much for all this!

            Friend 1: (Still standing, squints in the distance and mutters) They said they’d be here….

            Friend 2: Who?

            Friend 1: Aha!  (Points as a tank approaches) That.

            Friend 2: (Stands suddenly) WHAT?!

         (A noisy line of the tank, motorcycles, parade floats, scooters, tractor trailers, gas trucks, oversized load trucks, and a tricycle pass by)

            Friend 2: Who are all these people?!

            Friend 1: Extremely bored citizens.

            Friend 2: My neighbors are gonna freak out with all this – this – (Waves arms at the parade) – hullabaloo!

            Friend 1: Are you kidding?  This is the most excitement they’ve had in months!

           Neighbor: (Standing nearby, clapping and waving at the procession) I’ll say!  This is helping me not miss going to the office every day!

            Friend 2: (To Friend 1) But this is getting to be too much – I hate to say it, but are they going to be done soon?

           Friend 1: Why, got some place to be?  (Turns at the sound of drums) Yesssss!  The circus made it.

            Friend 2: (Also turns) Huh?

          (Clowns juggling, acrobats tumbling, trapeze artists swinging on floats, and a marching band pass by)

            Friend 1: I know clowns aren’t your thing, but they’re part of the package –especially since the animals have all been restored to their natural habitats which, you know, good riddance.

            Friend 2: (Sits back on the beach chair) I think I’m getting sensory overload.

           Friend 1: Well, you’re in luck – you can relax and just tilt your head back, since the jets should be passing overhead any minute now.  (Friend 2’s eyes widen) Don’t worry, this is part of their training exercises anyway so no extra cost to the taxpayers!  (The sound of jet engines is heard overhead as Friends 1 and 2 look up) See, there they are, hiiiiii!!!  (Waves at the sky) I don’t think they can see us, but it feels rude not to.

            Friend 2: (Stands) I never thought I’d say this, but I need to go lie down.

            Friend 1: Hold that thought: they’re all gonna to circle the block one more time.

            Vegas Crew: (Circling the block one more time) – party-party-party-party –

           Friend 2: Everyone’s been so sweet, but I just need to step away from all of it for a minute.  Or a day.  (Trots quickly back into the house)

           Friend 1: (Yelling towards the front door) OK, but not too long: the International Space Station will be dipping down about a mile overhead in 13 minutes, so you’d better rally by then!  (Sits back on the beach chair, opens another fruit drink, and slurps it)

            Neighbor: (Points to Friend 2’s chair) Mind if I sit there for a moment?

            Friend 1: Sure thing – (Neighbor sits in the chair) – drink?

            Neighbor: Don’t mind if I do.  (Accepts a fruit drink and leans back while slurping)

         Friend 1: (Sighs as the tank approaches again) Times like these really make you appreciate the simple things in life.

Story 332: They Always Come Back in the End

            (At an office party)

           Coworker 1: (Holding a plate of dessert) Glad they brought the cookies out for this one – I can’t eat cake anymore.

          Coworker 2: (Also holding a plate of dessert; gestures with it toward the guest-of-honor who is surrounded by changing groups of colleagues) I can’t believe she’s leaving – she’s been here for almost 15 years, and she’s just up and leaving.

           Coworker 1: (After biting into a cookie) Ugh, raisins?!  I thought they were chocolate chips!  (Holds up the partially eaten cookie to stare judgmentally at it) Liar.

           Coworker 2: I mean, she practically is the department by now – and you know they’ll take forever to hire a replacement, if they hire one at all – but I can’t blame her, I mean, taking a job in the City really is a better career move then staying pretty much anywhere in this area.

            Coworker 1: Ha!  She’ll be back in less than a year.

            Coworker 2: What?

          Coworker 1: You may not have noticed, but no one here ever leaves for good – they always come back in the end.  Look at our CEO.  (Waves at a partying figure in the corner, who waves enthusiastically back)

            Coworker 2: Yeah, but that was different: we’d lost our interim and needed them to come back.

            Coworker 1: They wouldn’t’ve come back if, deep down, they really didn’t want to.  Same thing happened in Marketing last year, and that guy had full-out retired for crying out loud.

            Coworker 2: Yeah, but – well….

            Coworker 1: Exactly.

            Coworker 2: Maybe he just got bored

           Coworker 1: Doesn’t matter: no one can stay away from this place forever.  It’s like a compulsion, a siren call, a literal pull – yoink! – back into the spider’s web of madness.  Same thing’ll happen to you, if you ever quit; doesn’t apply to people who get fired.

            Coworker 2: (Laughs nervously) Oh, well, I wouldn’t –

          Coworker 1: It’s obvious you’re looking – nothing to be ashamed of, everyone’s got their reasons.  I’m just saying: if you get hired somewhere else, don’t expect to be gone from here for long.

            Coworker 2: Really?

          Coworker 1: (Eats a mini-muffin) Mmm-mmm!  Uh-huh; I’m a prime example: I’ve quit my job here seven times already, and I’ll be celebrating my 20^th nonconsecutive year next month.

            Coworker 2: Oh.  Wow.

         Coworker 1: (Tosses plate and napkin into the garbage) Uh-huh.  My advice: take advantage of any food you can get out of this place.  (Heads over to the crowd surrounding the guest-of-honor)

            Coworker 2: Oh.  Hmmmm….

NEXT OFFICE PARTY

            Coworker 2: So, here we are, at another one.

            Coworker 1: Yep – nice that they sprung for finger sandwiches this time, really carries me over from mid-afternoon to dinner.

            Coworker 2: You were totally right, by the way.

            Coworker 1: I often am.  About what this time?

            Coworker 2: (Gestures with a plate toward a figure partying in the corner) She’s back, not six months after the last party here that was for her.

           Coworker 1: You doubted me?  The prophecy is always fulfilled.  (Gestures toward the current guest-of-honor who is surrounded by changing groups of colleagues) I’ll give this one a year since the company actually did hire a replacement right away, and I heard the new job’s pretty decent.  But The Call will always bring them back.

         Coworker 2: Hm.  You know, I actually gave my two-week notice to my manager yesterday.

       Coworker 1: (Stares at Coworker 2, then laughs evilly) Seriously, though, congratulations and best of luck.  Going anywhere good?

           Coworker 2: Seems like it: it’s in a different field, but I’ll be doing stuff similar to what I’m doing here.  The pay and benefits also are much better, I hate to say.

            Coworker 1: (Devours a brownie) So, see you in nine months, then?

            Coworker 2: You shouldn’t; this is permanent.

            Coworker 1: That’s what they all say.

NINE MONTHS LATER

            (At an office party)

            Coworker 1: (Working on a piece of babka) Well, look who’s back.

           Coworker 2: (Grabs a plate and piles all the dessert onto it) Don’t, don’t say it, don’t say “I told you so – ”

            Coworker 1: Furthest thing from my mind.

            Coworker 2: Thank you.

            Coworker 1: BUT –

            Coworker 2: Ugh.

         Coworker 1: I like how you snuck in under the radar and they didn’t even announce you’d come back – classy.  So, did you start hearing The Call only recently, or did it begin screaming at you on your first day there?

           Coworker 2: Very funny.  You know, they should really disclose on job postings that all your coworkers are going to be psychopaths so you’re aware what you’re getting into before you fill out the application.

          Coworker 1: Good point.  (Gestures to the current guest-of-honor who is surrounded by changing groups of colleagues) This one’s a fake-out, by the way: they’re not really leaving, just going from full-time to per diem.  Guess the company figured, do one party now and save the expense from a back-and-forth later.

           Coworker 2: (Angrily stabs a piece of cake with a fork) I’m starting to remember all the reasons why I left here, but I have to be grateful they took me back at all or else I’d be unemployed and in a worse mess.  Is this similar to being trapped in an abusive relationship?

          Coworker 1: Hardly – your life’s not in danger, and you still can quit whenever you want.

            Coworker 2: Sure I can.  (Angrily chews)

            Coworker 1: By the way, I gave my two-week notice the other day.

            Coworker 2: Really?  Why?

           Coworker 1: Needed a vacation – haven’t been able to take one in over two years.