The great hunt begins.
After the ordeal of commuting from The City after the ordeal of The Workday, The Hunter mounts the trusty metallic steed and frantically charges toward the stationary herds where the prey is anticipated to await.
The date: July 3.
The target: a fruit platter large enough for a gathering of both family and friends.
The back-up plan: buying individual strawberries, cantaloupes, honeydews, pineapples, and watermelons, and chopping up the whole mess. This is not an ideal alternative: it will be slipshod, it will be haphazard, it will be slovenly, and it will reek of procrastination.
The Hunter arrives at Herd #1, Supermarket Down-the-Street; rapidly dismounts the cooling metallic steed; and charges directly into the Herd.
Target Acquired: the display of pre-packed fruit and vegetables sits brazenly in the open, daring those strong enough to come seize the spoils.
The Hunter hesitates not and plunges ahead.
The shelves in the display are practically bare: the only ones left are a tiny platter fit for a mere family dinner, and a large platter exactly at its sell-by date.
Blast. The hunt continues.
The Hunter remounts the metallic steed and charges across the street to Herd #2, The Rival Supermarket Down-the-Street.
After several minutes wading through the terrain, it is determined that no fruit platters were ever actually to be had here. This Herd is left intact, and the hunt continues once more.
The Hunter remounts the metallic steed yet again, temperature of both rider and vehicle steadily increasing, and embarks for Herd #3, The Supermarket Next-Town-Over.
Upon charging into the midst of the herd, it is glaringly apparent that all prey have been claimed by other hunters long ago; The Hunter about-faces and leaves immediately.
At The Rival Supermarket Next-Town-Over, the shelves empty of prey in Herd # 4 stare back at The Hunter for quite some time before the former runs out the door. Less than a minute later, an employee wheels over a cart of platters to restock the shelves, unobserved.
At last, The Hunter has success with Herd #5: a fruit platter that is not too big or too small, but just right. The Hunter uses a net with a grappling hook to snare the perfect platter, inspect the sell-by date, and whisk the prize off to the self-check-out lane. The Hunt has come to a successful conclusion after much toil and heartache.
The date: July 4.
The great migratory herds of hunters and their metallic steeds slowly crawl through roads packed with massive numbers of their kind, as all head to watering holes of various sizes to eat, drink, and watch colored flames exploding in the sky to celebrate their status as an independent nation, and all the sacrifices and hard work that these festivities represent.
Hunter’s Companion, in the driver’s seat of the metallic steed, turns to Hunter as they wait to advance another inch and says, “You know, it’ll take us forever to get there, but at least it’ll be fun once we do. Good thing you got the fruit platter yesterday instead of waiting till today, huh.”
Hunter: “…I left it on the kitchen counter!”
