Story 541: I Thought Memorial Day Was for Summer Barbecues?

            (On the phone)

Friend 1: Hey, what’s up?

Friend 2: Hi, just checking: do you have Memorial Day off this year?

Friend 1: Yes!  For the first time in almost 10 years, work finally didn’t schedule me on the most beloved of three-day weekends.  Of course, the one time it happened, it doesn’t matter: holiday’s ruined before it even started.

Friend 2: How so?

Friend 1: Well, my family was going to have an outdoor barbecue with the pool and the volleyball and the cornhole and the fireworks and everything and it was going to be awesome, but the forecast is calling for torrential downpours that day and we can’t do any of that stuff inside so they called it off and now I’m depressed.

Friend 2: Oh.  I actually was checking if you’d like to go to the parade with me that day, and since they’re having it rain or shine it seems you’re now available for it.

Friend 1: …Parade?

Friend 2: Yes, the Memorial Day parade our town’s having.

Friend 1: ….             

Friend 2: It takes over Main Street for three hours every year – surely you’re at least aware of that?

Friend 1: …Vaguely.

Friend 2: You do know what Memorial Day is about, don’t you?!

Friend 1: …Vaguely.

Friend 2: I’ll pick you up at 9:30 that morning – good-bye.  (Ends the call)

Friend 1: (Lowers the phone and stares into the middle distance) …Our town has a Main Street?

MEMORIAL DAY

(In a steady rainfall, Friend 1 and Friend 2 are wearing raincoats and waving small American flags while standing with others lining the sidewalks of Main Street, watching the floats and musicians parade by and speeches made on a covered dais)

Friend 1: (To Friend 2 during a brief break in the festivities) You know, I’m glad you dragged me out here super early on my day off – seeing all the active service members, veterans, and their families, and listening about how much they’ve sacrificed for our freedom and safety really makes me appreciate all the good things in my life and want to hug everyone here.

Friend 2: Glad to hear it.  Sorry you didn’t get to also go to your barbecue.

Friend1: (Shrugs) I suppose there’s always next year, but work’ll probably come to their senses and go back to scheduling me that day again.  (They watch the parade resume and start waving their flags again) I wish I’d been more aware of all this earlier in my life.  Did you know that all of May is National Military Appreciation Month?

Friend 2: (Freezes in mid-flag wave) I… never knew that.  How could I have not have known that?!

Friend 1: (Waves the flag self-satisfiedly) Guess you just learn something new every day, huh.

Friend 2: (Purses lips while waving the flag) How about you never bring that up again, and I’ll never bring up the fact that until last week you thought that Memorial Day existed just so you could go to a barbecue?

Friend 1: Sounds reasonable.

Story 343: Epic Birthday Drive-By Party

            (On a park trail)

            Friend 1: Don’t you just love the beginning of Summer?

            Friend 2: Summer doesn’t start for another month.

            Friend 1: No one cares about the “official” date – this is the weekend it actually matters.

          Friend 2: You mean the weekend we’re supposed to be honoring those who served our country?

          Friend 1: That goes without saying – I’m talking about Summer!  Fun in the sun; crowds everywhere there’s water; vacation, vacation, vacation!

         Friend 2: Think that’s a little dampened this year – (Sees a walker on the trail approaching them) masks up.  (Friends 1 and 2 pull up their face masks as the walker passes them; all three nod at each other)

          Friend 1: (As they both lower their masks) You’re being more of a buzzkill than usual – something up?

            Friend 2: Where to start?!

            Friend 1: Besides all that – something new?

          Friend 2: Well, I guess it’s just that I normally don’t care much about my birthday, except this year is a big one and we all were going to go to Vegas –

            Friend 1: Ah, Vegas.

          Friend 2: – and I know there’s so much else going on right now, but I was really looking forward to it and we were supposed to fly out tomorrow morning so we’d be there for my birthday that night, and it would’ve been a lot of fun to see the whole crew together again, and I’m just a little bummed out about the whole thing.

            Friend 1: Hm.  Anything else?

            Friend 2: No, thank goodness.

         Friend 1: (Silent for a few moments) You know, I just got an idea: don’t make any plans tomorrow.

            Friend 2: I already didn’t have any now – what’s up?

            Friend 1: (Evil grin) Oh, you’ll see, mwahahahaha-!

            Friend 2: Knock it off.

            Friend 1: Sorry.  But don’t worry: you’ll love it.

            Friend 2: Why does that make me even more nervous?

THE NEXT MORNING

            Friend 2: (Answering the phone at home) Hi?

            Friend 1: Happy Birthday!  Look outside your front window.

          Friend 2: (Peers through the blinds and sees Friend 1 holding a “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” banner with balloons and waving wildly) Aw, thank you so much!  I’ll be right out!  (Goes outside and sees two beach chairs set up with a cooler and a boombox within reach) You’re so sweet!  You didn’t have to do all this, you know.

            Friend 1: I know – sit down.  (Plants the banner and balloons on stakes in the ground and they both sit on the chairs, facing the street)  Now – (Turns on the boombox to play really loud 80s and 90s music, opens the cooler, takes out two fruit drinks, gives one to Friend 2, and they clink bottles) – they should be here any minute.

            Friend 2: Aw, did you arrange a birthday drive-by party for me, too?

            Friend 1: Maybe.  (Looks at watch) Yes, and now they’re late.

            Friend 2: How did you get anybody with less than a day’s notice?

            Friend 1: They jumped at the chance to do something besides watching TV all day – ooh, here they come!

           (Both stand as decorated, beeping cars slowly drive down the street, everyone inside yelling out birthday wishes)

            Friend 2: (Waving and crying) This is so nice!  Oh look, our Vegas crew!

         Vegas Crew: (Everyone, including the driver, is hanging out the windows) Wooooooo!!!!  Party-party-party-party – (They continue down the street)

            Friend 2: (Sees trucks and flashing lights approaching) Oh no, that fire truck can’t get through with everyone in the way!

            Friend 1: There’s no fire – that I know of – that’s for you.

            Friend 2: What?!  Why?!

            Friend 1: I told them you were a disappointed 5-year-old.

            Friend 2: But that’s a lie!

            Friend 1: Not really – in a sense, aren’t we all disappointed 5-year-olds?

            Friend 2: You – (The fire truck stops in front of the house) Sorry, there’s no kid, it’s just me!

           Firefighter: Eh, we do it for everybody.  Have a lolly.  (Tosses Friends 1 and 2 lollipops as the radio crackles) Whelp, got a real emergency now – (Takes out a megaphone and addresses the line of cars ahead) Everybody, move to your right!  (The line of cars shifts to the right as the fire truck blares its way down the street) Happy Birthdaaaaaaayyyy….

            Friend 2: (Sits back on the beach chair) Wow, that was great, thank you so much for all this!

            Friend 1: (Still standing, squints in the distance and mutters) They said they’d be here….

            Friend 2: Who?

            Friend 1: Aha!  (Points as a tank approaches) That.

            Friend 2: (Stands suddenly) WHAT?!

         (A noisy line of the tank, motorcycles, parade floats, scooters, tractor trailers, gas trucks, oversized load trucks, and a tricycle pass by)

            Friend 2: Who are all these people?!

            Friend 1: Extremely bored citizens.

            Friend 2: My neighbors are gonna freak out with all this – this – (Waves arms at the parade) – hullabaloo!

            Friend 1: Are you kidding?  This is the most excitement they’ve had in months!

           Neighbor: (Standing nearby, clapping and waving at the procession) I’ll say!  This is helping me not miss going to the office every day!

            Friend 2: (To Friend 1) But this is getting to be too much – I hate to say it, but are they going to be done soon?

           Friend 1: Why, got some place to be?  (Turns at the sound of drums) Yesssss!  The circus made it.

            Friend 2: (Also turns) Huh?

          (Clowns juggling, acrobats tumbling, trapeze artists swinging on floats, and a marching band pass by)

            Friend 1: I know clowns aren’t your thing, but they’re part of the package –especially since the animals have all been restored to their natural habitats which, you know, good riddance.

            Friend 2: (Sits back on the beach chair) I think I’m getting sensory overload.

           Friend 1: Well, you’re in luck – you can relax and just tilt your head back, since the jets should be passing overhead any minute now.  (Friend 2’s eyes widen) Don’t worry, this is part of their training exercises anyway so no extra cost to the taxpayers!  (The sound of jet engines is heard overhead as Friends 1 and 2 look up) See, there they are, hiiiiii!!!  (Waves at the sky) I don’t think they can see us, but it feels rude not to.

            Friend 2: (Stands) I never thought I’d say this, but I need to go lie down.

            Friend 1: Hold that thought: they’re all gonna to circle the block one more time.

            Vegas Crew: (Circling the block one more time) – party-party-party-party –

           Friend 2: Everyone’s been so sweet, but I just need to step away from all of it for a minute.  Or a day.  (Trots quickly back into the house)

           Friend 1: (Yelling towards the front door) OK, but not too long: the International Space Station will be dipping down about a mile overhead in 13 minutes, so you’d better rally by then!  (Sits back on the beach chair, opens another fruit drink, and slurps it)

            Neighbor: (Points to Friend 2’s chair) Mind if I sit there for a moment?

            Friend 1: Sure thing – (Neighbor sits in the chair) – drink?

            Neighbor: Don’t mind if I do.  (Accepts a fruit drink and leans back while slurping)

         Friend 1: (Sighs as the tank approaches again) Times like these really make you appreciate the simple things in life.