“Well, that’s it: the ordeal known as The Most Wonderful Time of the Year is finally over, and now at last there is peace on my Earth, and goodwill toward me.”
“That’s the spirit. So, you gonna relax now that you’re done with entertaining all the relatives?”
“And leave this
mess?!”
* * * * * * * * * * * *
“You know, I had to run around so much visiting everyone for Christmas and Hanukkah parties this year that it’s actually more relaxing to go back to work.”
“I agree: between visiting the kids, the grandkids, the in-laws, and the divorced relatives I still like, I think I tacked 100,000 miles on the car in the space of two days – it’s a phenomenon.”
“I wouldn’t know: I had to take buses, trains, and cabs everywhere.”
[Mutual shudder]
“Yeah, I’ll take driving in bumper-to-bumper traffic over riding with strangers any day.”
“I wish I had that option. Anyway, after all the hullabaloo of mass transportation and making merry with everyone I’ve ever met in my life, I’m now going to spend my off-hours lounging around doing absolutely nothing. Figure I should recover just in time for summer.”
“Good on you. So, any New Year’s Eve parties you got planned for tomorrow night?”
“…NEW YEAR’S EVE
IS TOMORROW NIGHT???!!!”
* * * * * * * * * * * *
“If I even see another baked good, candy cane, roasted roast, or cup of hot cocoa with those cute little marshmallows on top, I will literally burst at the seams.”
“Ew.”
“I know; I feel that gross right now. I keep telling myself I won’t overdo it this year, but I’m usually saying that in my brain right as my hands are piling up the second plate of appetizers, so it’s already a lost cause at that point.”
“I hear ya: I’m hoping this constantly full feeling for the next two weeks will finally drive home the lesson not to do that ever again, and remind me to send a donation to the local food bank. The lesson part probably will fail, but hope springs eternal.”
“Nice.”
“You gonna try the diet again this New Year?”
“You know it: healthier food, more water throughout the day, and home workouts with outdoor walk, weather-permitting.”
“That’s great!... Whaaaaat are you doing?”
“January 1 is only a few days away, and if I don’t eat these homemade cookies now they’ll go bad and it’ll be such a waste!”
“….”
“….”
“Need some help
with those?”
* * * * * * * * * * * *
“So we’ve got a few days left – make any New Year’s resolutions?”
“A few; my usual.”
“Really? What are they?”
“If I tell you, they won’t come true!”
“That’s birthday wishes – resolutions are all on you.”
“Oh. Right.”
“Well?”
“Oh, I usually resolve to be kinder, more patient, more generous with my time and help, that sort of thing.”
“That’s nice.”
“Yeah, it lasts for about five seconds and then I lose my temper and don’t want to help anybody, so my New Year looks like my Old Year almost immediately.”
“Bummer. Maybe work on that next year.”
“Very funny. What about you?”
“Oh, I resolve to enjoy the last days of the waning year as we straddle the nebulous not-quite-this-year/not-quite-next-year zone, which means I can do whatever I want and it won’t count because the year’s almost-but-not-yet-over.”
“Ohhhhhh-kaaaaaay, but what about your resolutions for next year?”
“That’s future me’s problem – present me wants to watch this year slowly crash into the next, like a stellar collision of time.”
“So, basically, no resolutions to be a better person.”
“Exactly. Happy Old Year!”
