(Friend 1 rings Friend 2’s doorbell)
Friend 2: (Opens the front door in surprise) Heyyyy… what’re you doing here?
Friend 1: (Holds up bags filled with junk food) It’s our Super Bowl Party!
Friend 2: We don’t do that.
Friend 1: It’s our Valentine’s Day Junk Food Fest!
Friend 2: We don’t do that, either.
Friend 1: All right, I’m just bored.
Friend 2: I’d say “Come on in then” but we’re supposed to get about two feet of snow tonight – didn’t you hear the weather?
Friend 1: I did, and fail to see your point.
Friend 2: You might get stuck here if you stay too late. Or at all, for that matter.
Friend 1: HA! I was born of the North-Northeast America – I laugh in the face of feet of snow! (Walks past Friend 2 and dives onto the couch)
FOUR HOURS LATER
(While watching a movie and eating all the junk)
Friend 1: I’ve seen this thing a hundred times and I still always think that guy’ll live at the end.
Friend 2: That guy’s a serial killer!
Friend 1: There’s that one moment of possible redemption – the movie should end there, while I still have hope for happiness.
Friend 2: Where’s the fictional justice in that? (Glances toward a window) Oh whoa, it’s really comin’ down.
Friend 1: Hm? (Eats some more popcorn while looking at the window) Eh – no biggie.
Friend 2: You probably should get going; it’ll take forever to clean off your car even now and the roads’ll be terrible.
Friend 1: And miss the end of the movie?!
Friend 2: You already know how it ends!
Friend 1: And I want to see it again! As for the rest of that – (Waves dismissively at the lint storm outside) I’ll take care of it tomorrow.
Friend 2: Oh, so you’re just inviting yourself to stay the night, is that it?
Friend 1: (Taps foot on what turns out to be an overnight bag) You won’t even know I’m here.
Friend 2: Says you.
THE NEXT MORNING
Friend 2: (Steps over Friend 1 in a sleeping bag on the living room floor in order to look out the window) Ooh, they barely plowed the street, and when I shovel the driveway that’s when they’ll come by and plow me in again, I just know it!
Friend 1: (Stirs noisily) Huh? Shovel?
Friend 2: Yes, the things those of us who don’t have the luxury of a parking garage on a city street have to use.
Friend 1: (Stands and looks out the window) Pfft. You don’t need to shovel that.
Friend 2: How else am I gonna get to work?
Friend 1: Call out?
Friend 2: Not at my job.
Friend 1: (Stares challengingly at the frozen field staring back) I’ll take care of it.
(Outside and so bundled they can barely move, Friend 1 burrows through the snow in the driveway to climb through the driver’s side door of the car parked behind Friend 2’s car)
Friend 1: (Shouting through the open window over the wind and snow resettling around the car) You see, you don’t even have to clean off your car – just turn it on and everything melts! (Turns on the car to demonstrate)
Friend 2: Not fast enough! There’s about three feet of snow all over!
Friend 1: It’s not a matter of degree, it’s a matter of technique. You must WILL the car through the snow!
Friend 2: What?
Friend 1: Observe. (Revs the engine a bit, floors the gas pedal, changes from Reverse to Drive several times to rock the car, then suddenly bursts backward through the snow in the driveway and out onto the street) See? Piece of cake. Want a ride to work?
Friend 2: (Staring with feet slowly freezing) Sure, why not.
(On the highway, Friend 1 tailgates a plow/sander truck)
Friend 2: You may want to back up a bit – and slow down a bit –
Friend 1: And let the snow immediately cover the roads again?! Never! (Turns a corner at high speed, fishtailing slightly)
Friend 2: (Holding onto the passenger side window) Easy there, partner!
Friend 1: If we slow down or – heavens forbid – stop, we’ll never be able to start again! The wintry mix’ll have us!
Friend 2: I don’t want to wind up hugging a telephone pole or another car, either!
Friend 1: We won’t! Not as long as we show no hesitation, show no fear! (Shakes a fist while driving through a yellow traffic light as it turns red)
Friend 2: And what if that was red before we got there?
Friend 1: Then I’d’ve just kept coasting till it turned green again. (Swerves into Friend 2’s parking lot at work)
Friend 2: You can drop me off over there, and please don’t hit any of my coworkers on your way out.
Friend 1: Nonsense! I’m skipping work today, so I’ll park here and explore the Magical Winter Wonderland all around us until your shift’s over.
Friend 2: Oh-kay, but there seem to be a lot of spots not really plowed out yet –
Friend 1: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! (Slams the car onto a snowbank, managing to stay between the parking spot lines; shuts off the engine and unlocks the doors) Have a nice day at work, sweetie!
Friend 2: (Gingerly emerges from the car) Gee, thanks – hope your car’s still in one piece by the time I get back.
Friend 1: No faith whatsoever.
EIGHT-AND-A-HALF HOURS LATER
(Friend 2 returns to Friend 1’s car; the snow never stopped and the car has been buried again)
Friend 2: (Gingerly lands on the passenger seat) So, enjoy your romp?
Friend 1: Yeah, for a few minutes; the snow in my face got tiresome, so I came back here and napped for the rest of the day. (Turns on the engine)
Friend 2: Well it looks like you got plowed in a bit so you might have to dig out your back tires.
Friend 1: Please. (With squealing tires, reverses out of the spot by slamming through the snow)
Friend 2: (Holding onto the car ceiling) You sure this isn’t a tank?!
Friend 1: (Cackles wildly) You wish! (Flies out of the parking lot and onto the snowy streets, with giant waves of dirty slush cascading on either side of the car all the way)
Friend 2: Wait a minute, what about the snow on the roof of this thing?
Friend 1: I told you, it all melts off! My car is magic, I say!
Friend 2: Whatever – as long as it doesn’t fly off onto someone’s windshield.
(They plow, skid, swerve, and bounce the entire way back to Friend 2’s house and bump up onto the packed driveway)
Friend 2: (Falls out of the car onto a snow mattress; holds onto the car door to stand up again) Well, thanks for the lift, and be safe getting home, OK?
Friend 1: Do you know who you’re talking to?! (After Friend 2 flings the door shut and backs away, Friend 1 throws the car into reverse, stalls, and then stares at the dashboard in horror) Ah! This can’t be happening!
Friend 2: What, you finally got stuck in the snow?
Friend 1: No – I ran out of gas!
