[8:01
a.m.]
Friend
1: (Entering the office) Morning.
Friend
2: (Sighs softly, not looking up from the computer) That it is.
Friend
1: (Settles belongings at desk and sits) Just a heads-up: I’ve got a thing
right after work today, so I have to leave at 4:30 on the dot.
Friend
2: (Looks over) What, you mean on time?
Friend
1: Yeah yeah, I always wind up doing one last thing that pushes me over a few
minutes, but today I really need to leave at 4:30. As in, not even a minute later.
Friend
2: Not gonna happen. (Returns to the computer)
Friend
1: What? How do you know?
Friend
2: (Looks back) Because you jinxed it: you said it out loud, and now it doesn’t
matter how much you prepare ahead, you will not get out of here on
time. The universe has accepted your
challenge and will deploy everything it has to keep you from leaving. Your fate is sealed: no point in fighting it.
Friend
1: I’d say you were talking out of your hat if you wore one, and now you’re
just throwing me off my schedule.
Friend
2: You’ll see I’m right. Enjoy your
misguided optimism while it lasts.
Friend
1: It’s like talking to a wall.
[10:30
a.m.]
Friend
1: Did you see the e-mail about a meeting at 3:00?! That’s going to set me back at least an hour
that I can’t spare, and it’ll be pointless to boot!
(Friend
2 looks over and smiles evilly)
Friend
1: Oh shut up. I’ll just have to push
that one report I was going to work on today off to tomorrow. That day is now pre-ruined, but this day is
salvaged. Yes, that should do nicely.
Friend
2: (Shakes head slowly) You poor, poor sap.
[1:15
p.m.]
Friend
1: (Answers the desk phone) Billing Department, this is -----, how may I help you?... Oh
hi, what can I do for you?... Oh…. Oh, OK…. Sure, I can do that for you…. How
soon do you need it by?... Well, we actually have that meeting at 3…. Yeah,
I’ll get it to you before 5…. `K, bye.
(Disconnects the call, then slams down the receiver and whispers)
Noooooooooooo….
Friend
2: (Leans back from the desk to look over at Friend 1) What’s that?
Friend
1: Nothing! (Starts typing furiously)
Friend
2: You sure? It seemed like the sound of
an unexpected project being tossed your way.
Friend
1: The more you talk, the more I’m delayed!
Friend
2: Uh-huh. (Resumes work. After a minute) Need any help?
Friend
1: (With blazing eyes fixed on the screen) No one can help me!
Friend
2: Hoo boy.
[3:15
p.m.]
Speaker:
(To the employees gathered in a conference room) …and when you select this tab,
you’ll see all your options for restructuring, drilling down, and purchasing….
Friend
1: (In a whispered conversation with Friend 2) Son of a gun, this is the exact same
stuff that was covered in the e-mail they sent out last week!
Friend
2: Yeah, but who actually reads those?
Friend
1: I do!
Friend
2: Then you’re in the minority.
Speaker:
Next question?
Co-Worker
1: Yes, will we still be able to use the old system to place orders once the
new system goes live?
Friend
1: (Stands and addresses the ceiling) For the love of all that is decent,
no! Read, fools, why can’t you people
read?!!! (Runs away)
Friend
2: Heh-heh, sweet.
[4:03
p.m.]
Friend
1: Done! Finished all of my work,
finished all of other people’s work, and I just have to finish this one last
thing and I’m free!
Friend
2: (Sing-song) You’re not gonna make it….
Friend
1: If you’re the one who makes me late, you will never know peace again.
[4:28
p.m.]
Friend
1: Dare I say it?
Friend
2: I wouldn’t.
(Friend
1’s desk phone rings)
Friend
1: (Turns sharply to glare at it and hisses) Beast!
Friend
2: I’d let it go to voicemail.
Friend
1: Of course you would, you never answer the phone anyway! (Ringing
continues) Ooh, I’m technically still on the clock, and what if it’s important
that can’t wait `til tomorrow and I get fired because I didn’t answer?! (Snatches the receiver) Billing Department,
this is – Hiiiii? How are you?... Well,
I'm actually leaving for the day…. (Friend 2 slowly taps a watch; Friend 1 grabs
a pencil to chew on) Uh-huh, so you need me to walk you through it?... I’m
sorry – what is your actual question then?
(Co-Worker
2 enters and hovers around Friend 1’s desk)
Friend
2: (Packing up to leave) Need help?
Co-Worker
2: Yeah, but I can wait. (Gestures at
Friend 1)
Friend
1: (Still on the phone) OK, I’m listening.
(Slumps down onto the desk and weeps soundlessly)
Friend
2: Take a number, and maybe bring some candy as a peace offering.
