(In a house full of Christmas trees, blinking lights, Nativity scenes, and snowpeople of all shapes and sizes, party guests eat, drink, and merrily finish preparing the main meal and all its side dishes)
Guest 1: (To Host) I know I’m stuffing my mouth with five different types of cheese right now, but I do mean it when I ask “Do you need any help?”
Host: (Pulling three trays out of the oven while stirring a pot of sauce with an elbow) Nah, I got it – but if you could light the burners under the racks for these pans, that’d be a big help!
Guest 1: (Stares at Host tossing the trays onto the racks and then whip up a salad out of thin air) …Sure, I think I can manage that.
(In the living room, guests stand, sit, and play according to age level when the front door suddenly bursts open)
Freeloader: Hey-hey, everybody, I made it!
Guests: Heyyyyy….
Guest 2: (Takes Freeloader’s coat and pointedly stares at the latter’s empty hands) Soooooo, anything that needs to be put in the fridge or out on the table?
Freeloader: Nope, just me, eh-heh-heh-heh! I need a drink. (Grabs an iced tea from a cooler, piles up a plate of appetizers, and sprawls across the couch, bumping a few guests aside) Coming in for a landing, folks! (Guests move to the other side of the couch; Freeloader finishes the plate, tosses it and the iced tea onto the coffee table, and takes a nap)
Host: (Enters the living room with arms full of cups and cutlery) Dinner’s ready!
Freeloader: (Immediately wakes up and zooms to the dining room) Dibs on everything!
Host: (Sways in Freeloader’s wake) I didn’t even know you were here yet….
(After dinner, as many guests as possible pile into the kitchen and shuttle back and forth from there to the dining room to pack up whichever food is left, wash dishes, pots, and pans, and make room for dessert)
Host: (Carrying a tower of leftover containers; to guests) Oh really, this is such a big help –
Guests 1-20: Not at all!
(In the living room, Freeloader dozes in preparation for the after-dinner nap as several children rambunctiously play)
Freeloader: (Chuckles) I love how rowdy children are always someone else’s problem.
Child 1: (To Freeloader) I was told that when I reach double-digits, I have to take my place in the dish-drying line.
Freeloader: (Eyes close) Good for you.
Children 2-8: As must we all.
Freeloader: (Eyes open wide; Children 1-8 are standing in a row facing Freeloader, who then jumps while seated and looks up at the ceiling) Whoa, was that Santa’s sleigh landing on the roof just now?
Children 1-8: SANTA, YIPPPPPEEEEEEE!!!!!! (They all run to their respective parents and beg to go outside)
Freeloader: (Leans back on the couch) Almost too easy. (Turns head against the cushion to gaze fondly at the gently lit tree, then notices a tabletop Nativity scene nearby. Squinting, Freeloader sees Baby Jesus in the manger, staring soulfully and gently accusingly back. The two stare at each other as sweat beads on Freeloader’s forehead, until the latter can take the silent judgement no longer, jumps off the couch, and runs to the kitchen) Wait! Save me a pot to scrub – a potato to wrap up – anything!
(Guest 2 and Guest 3 emerge from the corner they were watching from the whole time and follow)
Guest 3: That was a good idea, but I thought Baby Jesus isn’t supposed to be in there until Christmas Day?
Guest 2: What can I tell you? He works in mysterious ways.
