Hairdresser:
So, what’ll it be today?
Client:
I was thinking a few inches, you know, up to here.
Hairdresser:
The usual, then. (Starts snipping away)
So, how’re the kids?
Client:
Oh, they’re great – the oldest made the basketball team this year, and – (Goes
on for 20 minutes) Anyway, after all that happened, I’m seriously
considering sending that one to military school.
Hairdresser:
Uh-huh.
Client:
Yeah. Speaking of –
Hairdresser:
All done! (Flourishes cape off Client)
Client:
Oh. Thanks. Looks good.
(Stands and hands over a tip)
Hairdresser:
Thank you, have a great day, come back soon, byyyyyyeeeee! (Moves on to the next client at the washing
station)
Client:
(On the way to the cash register) I didn’t get to finish my story….
* * * * * * * * * * *
Dentist:
I see you just need a cleaning today?
Patient:
(All set up in the chair and wearing the bib) Well, maybe. You see, Doc, my gums have been a bit
inflamed lately – you think it might be the gingivitis we’ve always feared?
Dentist:
We’ll find out! Open up. (Patient opens mouth as Dentist explores with
mirror and scraper) Oh yeah, you’ve got quite a few things going on: we’ll be
here awhile. (Unravels array of
implements on a tray)
Patient:
[Gurgle]
Dentist:
(Props open Patient’s mouth, inserts the saliva ejector, and goes to work) So,
everything going well with you since your last visit?
Patient:
Wauh, ah –
Dentist:
Ooh, that’s a nice little cavity we’ve got here!
Patient:
Aughua?!
Dentist:
Heh-heh, save that one for later – let’s see what else we can find first. So, how’ve you been doing with the snow this
week?
Patient:
Ehoua –
Dentist: (Begins
drilling) Yeah, every day I had to clean off my car and shovel out the
entire driveway – by myself, mind you – and then it took me forever
just to get here what with the way the streets are plowed – do they even sand
the roads anymore? (Thirty minutes
later) I mean what are we paying taxes for, am-I-right?
Patient: Umf-uh.
Dentist: (Turns
off tools) Well, all done, good as new, don’t eat anything for at least an
hour, see you in six months! (Raises
chair, removes equipment and bib, and dashes to the next patient, as the rest
of the day now is just so far behind)
Patient: (Sits
in the chair for a few moments, holding tender jaw) They sand by me.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Cashier: Hello,
did you find everything you needed today?
(Begins scanning items)
Customer: No,
but too late now: I’m not going back out there.
Cashier:
Heh-heh. (Scans faster)
Customer: I
mean, no matter where I go, there’re like a billion people everywhere,
right?
Cashier: Yeah.
Customer: I
mean, where did all these people come from, you know?
Cashier: …From
other people?
Customer:
HA! Good one. I mean, I just feel like I spend my entire
life waiting on line, and all I want is new clothes and shoes every day. Life just isn’t fair, right?
Cashier:
Yeah. (Begins bagging while scanning)
Customer: I
mean, I’m a good person, right?
Cashier: Yeah.
Customer: I
don’t deserve to be stuck in traffic all the time on my way to the mall, or to
be written up at work for being “disruptive,” whatever that means, just because
I regularly make a few personal phone calls in the office, or to have my
so-called friends stab me in the back just because I was being honest and told them
that they’re horrible demons, right?
Cashier: Yeah.
Customer: I mean
–
Cashier: Sorry,
do you have a rewards card with us?
Customer:
Oh. Yeah, here. (Hands over card)
Cashier: (After
swiping) That’ll be $600.23.
Customer: (Hands
over credit card) These prices, I tell you, everything’s gotten so expensive
you can’t even treat yourself to a little somethin’-somethin’ anymore –
Cashier: (Hands
cards and 20 bags of merchandise over to the Customer) Thank you, have a good
night, next!
Customer:
(Expertly carries bags and leaves the store) And I didn’t even get started on
my views of the tax system.
