(Friend
1 is driving with Friend 2 in the passenger seat)
Friend
2: (Looking out the window) Sure you still don’t want to try ---------- -----
Park?
Friend
1: They’re digging up half the place to install who-knows-what and the other half’ll
be all muddy with yesterday’s rain.
Least at ----- ---- Park, we can use the paved trails all the way and
hop on the roads if the mud takes over.
Friend
2: Yeah, but this is the off-season; the beaches there are closed.
Friend
1: And? We’re not there for the beach: it’s
January and we’re not dedicated fishers, or surfers, or dog-walkers.
Friend
2: The restrooms also will be closed.
(Friend 1 glares at Friend 2) Might be something to think about.
Friend
1: I think you should’ve gone before we left, like a good child.
(They
drive into the park)
Friend
2: Oh no, the sign says there’s limited service.
Friend
1: Of course there is, it’s off-season; didn’t we just have this conversation?
Friend
2: No, it says there’s limited service because of the government shutdown.
Friend
1: (Covers right ear with right hand while steering with the left) No politics,
la-la-la-la-la!
Friend
2: It’s not – I’m telling you what the sign says; this technically is a national
park so there’s going to be limited service here during the shut –
Friend
1: (Briefly covers both ears) NO!
POLITICS!
Friend
2: Obtuse. I’m just surprised this place
is even open at all.
Friend
1: Whelp, they didn’t seal off the entrance and there’re other cars milling
about like us, so we’re going for it!
(They
aim for a parking lot and see a ranger truck and wooden barricades are blocking
it)
Friend
2: Huh, people are still working here – good show.
Friend
1: Aw man, this was my starting point for the trail!
Friend
2: Why not just go back to where it starts by the park entrance?
Friend
1: Go back? Never! It’s onward or nothing! (Speeds off)
Friend
2: You’re exhausting.
(They
turn onto a lane for another lot that leads through the woods and far off the
main road)
Friend
2: How big is this island? We’ve been
driving on this thing for five minutes and I’ve yet to see any other cars –
Friend
1: (Leaning forward intensely and gripping the steering wheel) It’s not an
island, it’s a peninsula!
Friend
2: Seriously?! Ooh, quick, there’s the
lot over there!
Friend
1: (Swerves into the lot and parks with screeching tires) See? There are other cars here.
Friend
2: Yes, two whole other cars. I have no
idea where we are now – where’s the trail map?
Friend
1: (As they exit the car) I never bother with those here: it’s all paved
trails, where else are we gonna go, the ocean?
Friend
2: Yeah, but that doesn’t mean the trail won’t just disappear into the
ocean, and then where will we be?!
Friend
1: We’ll just keep the water on our left as we head back, now stop ruining this
for me! (Finds the trail) You coming or
not?
Friend
2: (Sighs) The moment we get lost, I’m turning around and leaving you with the
seagulls.
TWENTY MINUTES LATER
Friend
1: Ah, there’s the lighthouse!
The last time I tried to drive over to it I wound up in the middle of a small town and was afraid the Coast Guard was going to kick me out.
Friend
2: Great, you finally found the ginormous lighthouse that’s been hiding from
you all these years, can we go now?
Friend
1: It took us 45 minutes to drive out here; we are staying at least an hour and a
half to get our time’s worth. I would
say money’s worth, but they only charge admission in the summer.
Friend
2: An hour and – ? I don’t think I can
walk that long in one stretch!
Friend
1: Lazy. Go sit on the World War
II battery wall and I’ll get you on the way back, then.
Friend
2: No way you’re not – the woods on the other side look like they’re hiding something
up to no good.
TEN MINUTES LATER
Friend
1: (Pointing to the right side of the trail) Oh look, a random workout station!
Friend
2: That… certainly is random.
Friend
1: Want to try it out? I need to work on
my arms. (Hops onto one of the machines
and begins pulling levers)
Friend
2: That’s OK, I’m getting sufficient exercise at the moment. (Hears a noise and freezes) Are there bears
here?
Friend
1: (In mid-pull) Huh? Nah, just about
300 species of migratory birds, but no bears.
Friend
2: How do you know?
Friend
1: Said so on the Web site. (Hops off
the machine)
Friend
2: Well what if that wasn’t updated?
What if bears were driven out of their homes on the mainland and decided
to hang out here where it’s peaceful?
These trees aren’t big enough to climb away from them and there’s no one
to call for help in time and I would never be able to outrun one and it’ll be a
terrible way to die!
Friend
1: You’re exhausting. (Continues on the
trail)
Friend
2: That’s my line!
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER
Friend
1: Ooh, look over there – ruins!
Friend
2: Huh?
Friend
1: (Runs past and climbs up an elevated cement floor in a clearing, spreading
arms out) I read this was a testing ground for World War II weapons – they used
to fire the big guns here – (Points down, then over to a fenced off area behind
them) and there’re old buildings over there where they used to store
everything. You can tell that was
important `cause now it’s all condemned.
Friend
2: (Reads one of the explanatory signs stationed in the area) Hm. They used to shoot things here until they saw
the range was too short and had to pack the whole thing off to another state. Bet the wildlife here was happy about that.
Friend
1: (Hops back down to the ground, looking off to the side) Yeah; wonder if that
guy is a reenactor or something.
Friend
2: (Looks up from the sign) What guy?
Friend
1: (Gestures with head) That guy, with the old-timey uniform. Think he’s an employee, or a volunteer who
does this sort of stuff for kicks?
(They
watch as the guy walks to the condemned area, opens a non-existent door, and
disappears from view)
Friend
2: I’d like to get lost some more now, please.
Friend
1: Let’s.
THIRTY MINUTES LATER
(On
a beach)
Friend
2: All right, how much longer can I stare at the soothing waves and impersonal
city skyline?
Friend
1: (Staring at the waves) Just a little longer….
Friend
2: (Looks behind them) Oh good, there’s the lighthouse; as long as we keep that
in view, we should be able to make our
way back to the car easily.
Friend
1: Hm? Oh yeah, good, `cause I lost
track of the turn-offs we made ages ago.
Guess I should’ve brought a trail map, huh?
Friend
2: Sigh.
TEN MINUTES LATER
Friend
2: So, the lighthouse should be getting bigger as we get closer to it,
yes?
Friend
1: Just keep walking: we are on the trail and the trail will not lead us
astray.
Friend
2: That’s true if we’re walking in the right direction –
Friend
1: Never question the trail!
TWENTY MINUTES LATER
Friend
2: Did we pass that half-collapsed building when we first got here this
morning, or did we just pass it five minutes ago?
Friend
1: (Starts spinning helplessly in the center of a grassy common, surrounded by
old Navy buildings converted into marine science labs) I – don’t – know!!!!!
(Collapses onto the grass and sobs)
Friend
2: All right, get up. (Hauls Friend 1
off the ground and brushes off grass; points to a road) I think that was by the
beginning part of the trail that led us here; we can take that back and see if
it’ll bring us to the car, OK?
Friend
1: (Sniffles) OK.
Friend
2: (Puts a comforting arm around Friend 1’s shoulder as they walk) Would you
like me to make you some hot chocolate when we get back?
Friend
1: (Sniffles) OK.
(They
turn a corner and see the car, now surrounded by a massive number of vehicles
in the lot)
Friend
1: (Runs to the car and kisses the windshield) Oh bless you, my baby, I’ll
never leave you again!
Friend
2: Whatever – could you let me in?
Friend
1: Oh, right. (Unlocks the doors and the
two collapse inside) Wow, my feet sure do hurt.
Good thing we don’t have to walk all the way back home, heh?
Friend
2: Heh-heh-heh – just drive.
Friend
1: (Starts the engine, pulls out of the lot onto one of the roads, then slams
on the brakes) So… any idea which way now to get out of here?
