Story 543: Trying to Call Out From Work on Father’s Day

             (On the phone)

Manager: Hi – what’s up?

Employee: Hi, yes, you’re never gonna believe this –

Manager: I bet I won’t.

Employee: –  but I would like to call out from work today, please.

Manager: Today is Father’s Day.

Employee: Yes, yes it is.

Manager: It’s the second biggest sales day for us after Christmas Eve.

Employee: I thought last time you said Mother’s Day was the second biggest sales day?

Manager: Turns out I was mistaken.  I’m big enough to admit I’m wrong when I’m caught.

Employee: Good on you.  Anyways, just letting you know, I’m taking today off.

Manager: No you’re not: you’re scheduled on alternating hours covering the front register and customer service desk to handle all the last-minute panicking guilt-ridden adult children.

Employee: I thought you might say that, so I counter that offer with my willingness to work on Labor Day instead, even though its very existence implies that I shouldn’t have to by law.

Manager: It’s not an offer; it’s the non-negotiable schedule that’s been up for weeks – don’t tell me you forgot to request off super-early again like you did for Mother’s Day?

Employee: …OK, I won’t tell you.

Manager: You’re a real piece of work.  And no one else can switch with you for today, is that it?

Employee: Would you believe me if I told you I forgot to ask anyone until this morning?

Manager: Yes.

Employee: Well, there’s your answer.

Manager: Then I’m not too sorry to say there’ll be no last-minute saves with shift-switching today like we were able to pull off last time, so you’re stuck working most of the afternoon and all night.  I pity your dad, you know: there’s no way you’re calling out today unless you send over a doctor’s note that you’re violently ill within the next 20 minutes.

Employee: A doctor’s note, eh?  <COUGH-COUGH>

Manager: And don’t think I won’t be able to tell if it’s something you just whipped up on your home computer.

Employee: Oh.  I retract those coughs, then.

Manager: So you’re still coming in today, yes?

Employee: (Sighs) Unfortunately, although it pains my very soul to do so, yes I’m still coming in today.  I just will have to tearfully explain to my beloved father that his beloved child has been forced by a cruel manager and the unfeeling forces of capitalism to spend precious hours serving idle consumerists instead of showing my appreciation of him being the World’s #1 Dad, that’s all.

Manager: Wonderful.  I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but if it’s any consolation he can commiserate with my father on what awful children they have.

Employee: How so?

Manager: I lost track of the Sundays in June and wound up scheduling myself today, too.