(On the phone)
Manager: Hi – what’s up?
Employee: Hi, yes, you’re never gonna believe this –
Manager: I bet I won’t.
Employee: – but I would like to call out from work today, please.
Manager: Today is Father’s Day.
Employee: Yes, yes it is.
Manager: It’s the second biggest sales day for us after Christmas Eve.
Employee: I thought last time you said Mother’s Day was the second biggest sales day?
Manager: Turns out I was mistaken. I’m big enough to admit I’m wrong when I’m caught.
Employee: Good on you. Anyways, just letting you know, I’m taking today off.
Manager: No you’re not: you’re scheduled on alternating hours covering the front register and customer service desk to handle all the last-minute panicking guilt-ridden adult children.
Employee: I thought you might say that, so I counter that offer with my willingness to work on Labor Day instead, even though its very existence implies that I shouldn’t have to by law.
Manager: It’s not an offer; it’s the non-negotiable schedule that’s been up for weeks – don’t tell me you forgot to request off super-early again like you did for Mother’s Day?
Employee: …OK, I won’t tell you.
Manager: You’re a real piece of work. And no one else can switch with you for today, is that it?
Employee: Would you believe me if I told you I forgot to ask anyone until this morning?
Manager: Yes.
Employee: Well, there’s your answer.
Manager: Then I’m not too sorry to say there’ll be no last-minute saves with shift-switching today like we were able to pull off last time, so you’re stuck working most of the afternoon and all night. I pity your dad, you know: there’s no way you’re calling out today unless you send over a doctor’s note that you’re violently ill within the next 20 minutes.
Employee: A doctor’s note, eh? <COUGH-COUGH>
Manager: And don’t think I won’t be able to tell if it’s something you just whipped up on your home computer.
Employee: Oh. I retract those coughs, then.
Manager: So you’re still coming in today, yes?
Employee: (Sighs) Unfortunately, although it pains my very soul to do so, yes I’m still coming in today. I just will have to tearfully explain to my beloved father that his beloved child has been forced by a cruel manager and the unfeeling forces of capitalism to spend precious hours serving idle consumerists instead of showing my appreciation of him being the World’s #1 Dad, that’s all.
Manager: Wonderful. I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but if it’s any consolation he can commiserate with my father on what awful children they have.
Employee: How so?
Manager: I lost track of the Sundays in June and wound up scheduling myself today, too.
