(In a warehouse store, Customer 1 intensely searches through the Halloween displays, going up and down the many aisles with an increasingly furrowed brow)
Customer 1: (Muttering) No – (Another aisle) That’s not it – (Another aisle) Not there – (Another aisle) No – no – no – no –
Employee 1: (Pauses after adding extra broomsticks to a bin at the end of the last aisle as Customer 1 is about to WHOOSH! by) Dooooo you need help finding anything?
Customer 1: (Whirls on Employee 1) Yes: you may regret you asked –
Employee 1: I already do, but go ahead.
Customer 1: I’m looking for something extremely specific, and the company’s site said this was the only store in 700 miles that had it, which is the only reason I left the house today. (Holds up a phone displaying the incriminating evidence of “In Stock: 2”) It’s the FrankenWolfWitch Door Hanger, and I irrationally MUST HAVE IT.
Employee 1: (Peers closer at the display and grumbles) Traitor online inventory tracking.
Customer 1: I sympathize, but knowledge gained can’t be unlearned or something like that, so how about it?
Employee 1: (Starts typing on a handheld device) Yeah, it’s just that all our Halloween inventory should be out by now, so if you didn’t see it on any of the shelves then it’s Somewhere Else, which never ends well. (Reads the results) OK, it’s supposed to be in Aisle 17, Bay 6, Shelf 3 – let’s go find out.
Customer 1: By all means: lead the way!
(They arrive at Aisle 17, Bay 6, Shelf 3 and are greeted by a sign for the item with a giant empty space below that)
Customer 1: Figures.
Employee 1: (Attaches the device back onto a utility belt) OK, time for Phase 2. (Crouches down and pulls out a large drawer full of overstock at the bottom of the bay)
Customer 1: Ooh, mysterious.
Employee 1: (Starts tossing out items backward over shoulders; Customer 1 dodges and ducks) Nope – not it – not even close – how’d this get in here? (Tosses back a Santa Claus pillow)
Customer 1: (Catching the pillow and holding it close) Maybe it’s kept in the back, or it got put in the wrong spot? I think it’d be too big for that drawer.
Employee 1: (Turns and stares balefully at Customer 1 for several seconds) You’re absolutely right. (Stands, kicks the drawer shut, ignores the items now lying all over the floor, leaves the aisle, goes to a nearby back wall, and pulls on it to reveal racks with even more overstock in a darkened space)
Customer 1: (Follows to the edge of the open wall, still holding the pillow) I feel like I’m not supposed to be seeing this.
Employee 1: (Rummaging deeper into the overstock) You’re technically not, but I don’t really care at this point. (Gets pulled deeper into the abyss) C’mon out, you little dweeb….
Supervisor: (Starts to pass by, backtracks to stare into the gaping hole in the wall, then turns to Customer 1) Dooooo you need help finding anything?
Customer 1: (Flinches as a large item crashes inside) I’m being helped, thank you.
Employee 1: (Stumbles out of the wall; to Supervisor) Yes! Yes, you can help – we’re looking for FrankenWolfWitch!
Supervisor: Sorry, the what?
Customer 1 and Employee 1: (Holding up their devices) Here.
Supervisor: (Quickly glances at both) Oh, that. Did you check the overstock drawer?
Employee 1: But of course!
Supervisor: OK, maybe it’s up top, then.
Customer 1: Up… top? (Supervisor and Employee 1 point to the very tops of the towering shelves; Customer 1 stares up for a few moments, then turns back to both) You know, I don’t really need –
Employee 1: (Pulling on heavy-duty work gloves as Supervisor makes a call) Oh no: computer says it’s in stock, and by golly, we are tracking it down if it’s the last thing we do! Before closing tonight.
Customer 1: Honestly, you’ve gone through more than enough trouble, I can just order it online –
Employee 1: ABSOLUTELY NOT!
(An enormous forklift turns a corner and slowly motors over to the group)
Manager: (Wearing a hard hat, drives the forklift to a stop by the aisle of Halloween shelves originally searched) You rang?
Employee 1: Yes, thank you! (Grabs a hard hat being held out by Manager, hops onto the forks, and points to the top of the shelves) Take me up! (Is lifted extremely high into the air)
Customer 1: (Holding the Santa Claus pillow tightly while watching Employee 1) This seems a bit dangerous….
Manager: (Monitoring the progress of Employee 1’s ascent) Nah, everyone here loves this stuff; breaks up the shift. What’re you folks looking for, anyway?
Customer 1 and Supervisor: (Heads tilting back farther and farther) FrankenWolfWitch.
Manager: (Head also tilts back farther and farther) Heh, you don’t know how many times I’ve written corporate and the manufacturer to change the name of that thing – Frankenstein was the name of the scientist, not the creature, but nobody wants to hear it.
Customer 1: Well, “Creature” is too generic and people probably wouldn’t know which one it meant.
Supervisor: Yeah, and “FrankenCreatureWolfWitch” doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.
Manager: I know, I know; still. It bothers me.
(Manager stops the ascending forks for Employee 1 to step off those and onto the top of the shelf)
Customer 2: (Passing by with a shopping cart full of items and rowdy children, and glancing up at Employee 1 for a moment; to Customer 1, while leaving) Whatever it is, it isn’t worth it.
Customer 1: I’m starting to feel that way, but they’ve all put in so much effort already.
Employee 2: (Comes over to look up at Employee 1; addresses Supervisor while neither one looks away from the search above) Does this mean we all have to stay late tonight?
Supervisor: Probably.
Employee 2: Drat. (Cups mouth to shout up at Employee 1) You can do it! We believe in you!
Employee 1: (Faintly from above) Thank you!
(Other customers and employees join the crowd to watch)
Customer 3: (To Manager) Hey, since you have that thing out, could you grab the last pack of paper towels at the top of the shelf at the front of the store?
Manager: (Not looking away from Employee 1) Not right now, I’m spotting my team member.
Customer 3: Oh. OK. (While walking away) Probably could make that climb, I’m still fit….
Manager: (Takes out a megaphone and points it upward to speak) How’s it going up there?
Employee 1: Any… minute… now….
Customer 4: (Shouts up from the back of the crowd) Could you also toss down another scarecrow if you see it, please? The ones down here are all messed up! (Several seconds later, a scarecrow soars off the top of the shelf and floats down into Customer 4’s arms) Thank – you! (Tosses it into a shopping cart and rushes away)
Manager: (On the megaphone again) Need me to bring you over to another aisle?
Employee 1: I don’t think – wait – wait – I GOT IT! (Holds up FrankenWolfWitch in triumph as the crowd below cheers and applauds)
Customer 1: (Clapping around the pillow, blinking around tears) It’s a Halloween miracle!
(Employee 1 hops onto the forks and holds on with one hand while being lowered back down to ground level by Manager)
Employee 1: (Hops off the forks to cheers, applause, and approving whistles, and formally presents the FrankenWolfWitch Door Hanger to Customer 1) As requested.
Customer 1: (Tosses the pillow to another customer, who puts it into their own shopping cart, and hugs the door hanger) Oh, thank you, thank you! You’ve truly gone above and beyond!
Employee 1: (Bows to the crowd) All in a day’s work, my good people!
Manager: (Exits the forklift; to the crowd) Yes, yes, I train all our team members personally.
Supervisor: (Looking down at a handheld device; back up to Employee 1) Hey, so, where’s the other one?
(A sudden silence descends upon the crowd)
Employee 1: …What?
Supervisor: It says “In Stock: 2”, so where’s the other one?
Employee 1: ….
Supervisor: ….
Manager: ….
Customers: ….
Employee 1: …The store ghost must’ve taken it.
Crowd: (In understanding) Ahhhhh….
Customer 1: (Shakes head) Typical.