Story 617: New Year, New… What?

            (In an apartment living room on New Year’s Eve, Sibling 1 and Sibling 2 sit on the couch watching the ball drop in some city broadcast live on TV as they each hold fresh mugs of hot chocolate)

TV: Three!... Two!... One!... HAPPY NEW YEAR! (Controlled chaos reigns on the streets)

(Now New Year’s Day, Sibling 1 and Sibling 2 stare vacantly for a few moments at the sparkling ball above the now-lit up year, then simultaneously perk up and tap mugs)

Sibling 1: Happy New Year!

Sibling 2: And a Happy New Year to you, too!

(They take a long sip, slightly burn their tongues, smack their lips in satisfaction, and sigh)

Sibling 2: (Looking into the mug) You know, we’re probably going to regret having something this heavy and this sweet this late in the night.  (Tilts head to think) Or is it now, this early in the morning?

 Sibling 1: (Takes a big gulp and swings the mug away with a flourish) Ahhhhh…. Totally worth it.  (Stares at the mug for a few moments, then over to Sibling 2) It’s funny, I never really thought about this before: you ever get a hangover?

Sibling 2: (After another sip) Hm, once.  Totally not worth it.

Sibling 1: Good to know.  (They watch the storm of confetti and the hugging, kissing, swaying, singing, and general good will on-screen for a bit) You know, I always feel a little different right at the beginning of a new year.

Sibling 2: Oh, really?

Sibling 1: Yeah; I dunno, I feel… renewed, rejuvenated, like anything’s possible and I finally can get my act together.

Sibling 2: Well, that’s… great.

Sibling 1: Yeah.  (Swirls the remaining chocolate in the mug for a bit before looking back at Sibling 2) It’s all gone by the time I wake up New Year’s morning, though.

Sibling 2: I figured.

Sibling 1: (Stares at the far wall) Yep: fall into the same old habits, the same old… rut.  No renewal, no rejuvenation; just back to my old routines like it’s the same year on repeat, and nothing changes for the better.

Sibling 2: Well, that’s not entirely true: you did stick to that workout routine you started a few years ago; that’s something.

Sibling 1: Yeah, but that was in a random March.  If it was in a New Year’s Day, I probably would’ve given up before I even started because the stakes would’ve felt too high.

Sibling 2: Maybe not.

Sibling 1: (Chuckling) Oh, I know me.  (Finishes off the hot chocolate, then gestures with the mug toward the kitchen) You good or you want some more?

Sibling 2: Still nursing mine, but thanks.

Sibling 1: Sure.  (Looks down at the empty mug, then places it off to the side on the floor and slouches back on the couch) I guess I should cut myself off at one – probably’ll wake up in a few hours anyway, cursing my past self and wondering where it all went wrong.

Sibling 2: I thought it was going to be totally worth it?

Sibling 1: My taste buds and brain say “Yes”, but my aging digestive system says “I hate you.”

Sibling 2: Know the feeling.  (Finishes off the hot chocolate and also sets the mug off to the side on the floor and slouches back on the couch as Sibling 1 uses a remote to turn off the TV) So, no New Year’s resolutions this time, huh?

Sibling 1: (Yawning) Well, I’ll just do the usual: try to be a better person, more patient, nicer, volunteer with worthy causes, solve all the world’s problems, prevent the inevitable end of the Universe, that sort of thing – but I always fail on Day 1, so I really don’t know why I bother.  You?

Sibling 2: (Also yawning) The usual: try to do as least damage as possible on my trips around the Sun until my inevitable end.

Sibling 1: (As they stare at each other while lying back on opposite ends of the couch; starting to fall asleep) Wow.  That’s a lofty goal....

Sibling 2: (While drifting off) Well, you know me: aim high.... 

HAPPY NEW ZZZZZZZZ....

Story 570: New Year, New Meh

            (On a park bench on a clear, cold day, Friend 1 sits staring into space)

Friend 2: (Finishes a run, then sits next to Friend 1) So: any reason why you’re not at least attempting to get some exercise today?  I thought one of your New Year’s resolutions was to have healthier habits or something like that.

Friend 1: Oh, it was.

Friend 2: And?

Friend 1: And then I realized: what’s the point?

Friend 2: …Better health?

Friend 1: For what?

Friend 2: …Longer life?

Friend 1: For what?

Friend 2: …Better life?

Friend 1: For what?

Friend 2: Listen, you’re getting on a morbid track here and it’s bumming me out.  Are you feeling all right?

Friend 1: (Finally turns to Friend 2) No, actually: as I stare down the waterslide that is January 2 of a new year, the futility of human endeavors has hit me like a figurative and literal sledgehammer, and I have lost the drive to exercise.  Or move in general.

Friend 2: With anyone else, I’d say you sound like you may have clinical depression and should speak with a mental health professional about how you’re feeling – however, since this is you, I know you’re just being overly dramatic and need to knock it off.

Friend 1: You’re right, but for some reason it’s taking a bit longer than usual to blow over, so bear with me.

Friend 2: (Stands abruptly) Nope!  This is a beautiful day, the start of a new year, where you have so many blessings in your life and whatever you wish was different is in your power to change, and I refuse to waste another second of my precious time on Earth listening to your faux pontifications on how meaningless it all is when I know they’re only symptoms of your self-inflicted boredom.  (Takes a candy bar out of a coat pocket and tosses it to Friend 1) Here – (Friend 1 catches the bar) have some chocolate: it seems to be your go-to for everything else, so it should help out now; I’m out.  (Resumes running)

Friend 1: (Stares at the candy bar for a few moments, slowly unwraps it, takes a bite, and chews thoughtfully while looking out at the ducks paddling around in a nearby pond, the bare trees swaying gently in the wind, the other human parkgoers walking, playing, or relaxing, and the grass hibernating) Worth it.