SUNDAY, AUGUST 24
(In a park, Friend 1 and Friend 2 walk along a very uneven moderate-level trail)
Friend 2: (Pointing to a branching trail) Hey, want to try that one out this time?
Friend 1: (Glances briefly at a trail map) Nah, it leads to the main road, and also’ll take forever to get back to the parking lot; neither scenario I want to deal with, ever.
Friend 2: Oh. OK.
Friend 1: Feel free to do it without me, though.
Friend 2: (Mildly sarcastic) Maybe another time, thanks.
Friend 1: (Completely serious) But of course.
(They walk for a few minutes in silence)
Friend 2: I can’t believe next week’s September already.
Friend 1: (Through gritted teeth) Don’t remind me.
Friend 2: I can’t believe next Monday is Labor Day.
Friend 1: As. I. Said.
Friend 2: Do you have off this year?
Friend 1: (Unclenches teeth) Shockingly, yes. I think my manager either feels sorry for me working almost every holiday for years and is finally trying to make up for it, or just forgot to put me on that day.
Friend 2: That’s great! I’d say we should meet up, but I’ll be away with my family for a really-late summer vacation that weekend – do you have any plans?
Friend 1: Nope: I try to make as few of my fellow workers as possible work on Labor Day.
Friend 2: Aw, that’s sweet.
Friend 1: Patronizing bourgeoisie.
Friend 2: So, you just going to relax at home all day?
Friend 1: Probably, in-between mourning summer’s passing. I’d invite you to the funeral, but it seems you’re already booked.
Friend 2: Summer’s still around for another month.
Friend 1: No, summer is over with Labor Day. If you haven’t noticed, Back-To-School is everywhere!
Friend 2: We don’t go to school anymore.
Friend 1: And yet, the sadness and anxiety of leaving summer fun behind and facing almost 10 months of judgment for almost 20 years remains. You don’t get over something like that.
Friend 2: Well, I sure did – present everyday work anxiety is enough for me to not revisit past ones. Besides, I thought you liked fall, and apple picking, and Halloween –
Friend 1: (Stops and turns on Friend 2) Don’t say the “H” world before September, I won’t stand for it!
Friend 2: (Continues walking as Friend 1 follows again) Jeez. That’s everywhere now too, in case you haven’t noticed.
Friend 1: I regretfully have. And I do like all that stuff, in their proper place and not encroaching on my days of lemonade and flip-flops.
Friend 2: Well, we’ve still got a whole week of August left for all that.
Friend 1: (Stops walking again; Friend 2 also stops) Do we? Let’s examine the evidence. (Briefly spreads arms out wide to take in the sky) For instance: this light… is all wrong.
Friend 2: (Looks around) It’s afternoon.
Friend 1: It’s fall light. The angle’s all wrong for a summer day, and lately sunset is way too early for my liking.
Friend 2: It’s not completely dark until 8:00.
Friend 1: I prefer 9. And what about that sudden, creeping chill in the air, hm? Hm??!!
Friend 2: (Starts walking again; Friend 1 also starts again) Whatever: go to a beach or a pool or lie in the shade doing nothing, just please have fun on your last summer day that you actually don’t have to work, all right?
Friend 1: No promises.
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 1
(On a beach, Friend 2 relaxes in a chair facing the waves and surrounded by other chairs, umbrellas, several family members playing in the sand, employees removing their companies’ chairs and umbrellas, lifeguards whistling and yelling at swimmers not to go near the rocks, and seagulls stealing junk food they really should not be eating, then takes out a cellphone and places a call)
Friend 1: (Answers while lying on a beach chair in the grass somewhere) I thought you were on a vacation getaway with the fam.
Friend 2: I am – figured while we’re at the beach one last time, I’d check in on how you’re doing on this glorious summer’s day.
Friend 1: Cute. Well, you’ll be happy to know I sort-of took your advice and am currently lounging near the shore of a local pond, watching the ducks swimming nowhere fast, reading my book, sipping my lemonade, and otherwise doing absolutely nothing.
Friend 2: (Sniffs exaggeratedly) I’m so proud of you.
Friend 1: I’m also doing my utmost best not to remember that Labor Day is the absolute earliest it can ever be on September 1 this year – (Friend 2 ends the call; Friend 1 sets down the phone and sips some lemonade while watching the ducks swim by) You’re right: no point in both of us being bummed out.
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