(In a park, Friend 1 and Friend 2 walk along a trail)
Friend 1: I’m just saying, if we want to see any lasting change for the better on this planet, then all of us should start taking some personal responsibility for once in our lives and stop breathing out so much carbon dioxide all day long.
Friend 2: You had me until that last phrase. (Stops at a World War II memorial stationed next to the trail and spends a few moments reading the dedication and soldiers’ names)
Friend 1: (Leans in closer to read the inscription; to Friend 2) Any relatives of yours?
Friend 2: No; just figured I’d pay my respects, considering the day.
Friend 1: What’s today? I thought it was just Memorial Day week… end…. (Trails off as Friend 2 gives Friend 1 a withering look) Never mind me.
Friend 2: Unbelievable.
(After a few moments of silence, they continue on the trail)
Friend 1: On another note –
Friend 2: Oh, what banality is it now?
Friend 1: I’ve been noticing lately that we walk for miles and miles every week, and yet my legs still are completely unacceptable.
Friend 2: (Stops walking to face Friend 1, who also stops) What?!
Friend 1: I mean, look at this! (Raises one leg to demonstrate a weak calf) What do you call that?!
Friend 2: I call that needing more exercise than once a week. Maybe join a gym?
Friend 1: (Lowers leg as they resume walking) Please. No, I have no room in my busy schedule of relaxing after work to fit in anything else, but I also can’t believe all this walking is doing bupkis for the very muscles in action.
Friend 2: I don’t know, maybe do some calf raises during the day; those usually are quick and you can do them just about anywhere.
Friend 1: Picking up a baby cow is fast and easy?
Friend 2: …Now I know you can’t be that stupid. (Stops again to slowly rise and lower on toes several times) These are calf raises. (Stops those and they both begin walking again)
Friend 1: Ohhhhhhh…. And those’ll turn my legs into steel, then?
Friend 2: They should help, yeah. And you can do a few anywhere, anytime, like when you’re standing on a long line or something.
Friend 1: Perfect: I know just the places I can do them, and then all my problems will be solved forever.
Friend 2: Wonderful.
THE NEXT DAY
(In a supermarket, Friend 1 is at the end of a long checkout line and suddenly starts bobbing up and down doing calf raises)
Customer: (Waiting behind Friend 1) Line’s pretty long still, if you’re trying to find the end of it.
Friend 1: (Looks back at Customer mid-raise) Huh? Oh, no, I’m just doing calf raises.
Customer: Oh. OK. (Friend 1 turns around and starts bobbing up and down again) Kind of weird.
Friend 1: (While turning back) What?
Customer: What?
THE NEXT DAY
(In a department store before the start of the business day, Friend 1 and coworkers stand in a circle around the customer service desk as Manager leads a meeting)
Manager: – so if we don’t make plan this week then everybody’s hours are getting cut again, but since that’s nothing new let’s move on to Corporate’s project where you all need to sell at least one box of the company’s new cookies every shift – (To Friend 1) am I boring you?
Friend 1: (Stops at the top of a calf raise) Hm? No, just aggravating – why?
Manager: You’re acting antsy with all that bobbing up and down there.
Friend 1: (Resumes) Just some calf raises to start off the day!
Manager: Not on company time they aren’t.
Friend 1: (Thuds back down on heels) Oh. (Whispers to Coworker as Manager continues the meeting) How do those affect company time?
Coworker: (Shrugs and whispers back without looking at Friend 1) Don’t ask me; I just work here.
THE NEXT DAY
(At a funeral home, Friend 1 and Cousin sit on folding chairs in the center of the room, surrounded by mourners; the former starts doing calf raises while seated)
Cousin: (Leans over to Friend 1 and whispers) Knock it off.
Friend 1: (Suddenly lowers heels to the floor) Good call.
THE NEXT DAY
(Friend 1 is in the living room doing calf raises while on the phone with Friend 2)
Friend 1: So I took your advice and started doing calf raises everywhere –
Friend 2: What?
Friend 1: – and I really have been noticing a difference already; the wobbliness is almost all gone for the first time since high school!
Friend 2: Well, that’s great, just don’t overdo it.
Friend 1: (Increases speed) Hey, what makes you think I’d overdo it?
Friend 2: I know you.
Friend 1: Point taken, but that’s just nonsense – ah! (Falls to the floor in agony but never drops the phone)
Friend 2: What, what happened?!
Friend 1: (Uses a knuckle to select the speaker option on the phone, then drops it to grab both calves while grimacing) I pulled the muscles in my both my legs!
Friend 2: Right on schedule.
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