Story 255: A Vacation Can Never Truly Be Washed Out

            Friend 1: (Answers phone) Hi, what’s up?

           Friend 2: Hey, I’ve been looking at the weather for next week where we’ll be staying, and it’s supposed to rain.  A lot.

           Friend 1: So?  It’s a week away; it’ll change.

         Friend 2: Actually, this’ll be from the storm that’s coming up the coast, so everybody’s pretty certain it’s going to rain where and when they say it will.

            Friend 1: So?

            Friend 2: So… we’re going to a shore town…?

            Friend 1: What’s your point?

           Friend 2: If it’s raining the whole time we’re there, we’ll be washed out of everything!

            Friend 1: It’s just rain; we won’t melt.  Besides, places like that always have rainy day stuff.

            Friend 2: Rainy day, not rainy week!  I don’t know; I think we may need to cancel.

          Friend 1: Listen: I have been looking forward to this trip for almost a year, work is literally Hell right now, and I put off buying a new car even as mine is dying a painful death to save up for this, so we are not cancelling.

            Friend 2: Well, we got trip insurance in case something like this happened, and we can always reschedule it –

            Friend 1: WE ARE NOT CANCELLING.

THE NEXT WEEK

             (On arrival at the shore town)

            Friend 2: So, the reports say this rain will continue non-stop all week.  As in non-stop.  All week.

            Friend 1: (Tilts head up at the rainy sky) Ah, so refreshing after the 100° weather this past month.  I’m going to the beach.

            (Sets up umbrella, chair, and cooler on the lake-ridden sand, then heads out towards the seven-foot-high waves)

            Friend 2: (Wearing a sweatshirt and jeans, yells from the shore to be heard over the wind) There’re no lifeguards here to save you!  And red flags are everywhere!  At least the ones that haven’t been ripped away by the gale-force winds!

            Friend 1: (Runs over a red flag) I know what I’m getting myself into!  (Dives into the waves, then turns around to face Friend 2, struggling to stay above water) Whee!  Nice and warm!  (Is nearly slammed into the rocks by a rip tide)

            (At a restaurant)

            Server: Hello!  Table for two?

            Friend 2: Please.

            Friend 1: Yes, could we actually have one of those outdoor tables?

            Server: Oh, we didn’t open that area tonight, due to the weather.

            Friend 1: That’s OK – we’ll be under the umbrella.

            Friend 2: [Sighs]

            (After they are seated)

            Friend 1: (Holds tightly onto the menu, as the restaurant’s deck is now a wind tunnel) I always have to eat outside in the summer: that’s the whole point of eating out in the summer, right?

            Friend 2: (Hugging self against the chill) Mm-hm.  (To Server, who is wearing a rain poncho) Could I have a bourbon and a hot toddy, please?

            Friend 1: Ooh, and can I have the kiddie lemonade that comes with the souvenir cup?

            Server: Whatever you like.  (Leaves to fill orders)

         Friend 1: (Grinning) I love novelty drinks, don’t you? (A sudden rush of water from the umbrella splashes onto Friend 1’s head; the grin remains)

            Friend 2: Mm-hm.

            (At Hole 15 on a miniature golf course)

            Friend 2: (Holding an umbrella and shivering) You know, there are a bunch of indoor courses on the boardwalk.

            Friend 1: Where’s the fun in that?  (Putts to the hole; the ball floats in the water that has filled it) That still counts!

            (At a park)

            Friend 1: (Splashes through puddles to bring over a tandem bicycle) Look what I found!  And it was super-cheap to rent: the guy gave me a discount because I was his only customer!

            Friend 2: Imagine that – listen, I’m going to the movie theater, and then I’m going to get some pizza, and then I’m going to bed.

            Friend 1: But you could do all that boring stuff at home!  Here you can tandem bike!  (Rings the bell)

            Friend 2: Not in an unending shower, I won’t.  (Leaves)

            Friend 1: You don’t know what you’re missing!  (Mounts the bike and slowly pedals, every so often splashed by the passing cars on the street) Yessir, this is the life!

Story 254: Why Is There a Soundtrack?

            The radiant sunset surrounded the couple with shades of red, purple, and pink as the two strolled through the cozy park, hand-in-hand.  The moment when he was going to pop the question was fast approaching: he knew it, she knew it, the dog walkers knew it.  The violins swelled in anticipation as he suddenly stopped, grabbing both her hands in his.

            “Beloved?” he opened.

            “Yes, my angel?” she replied; several stirring flutes got in on the action.

          “We have known each other for so long – ” the violins became more agitated – “I simply cannot face the rest of my life without you by my side – ” an expectant drumroll began, with cymbals winding up for the climax – “and what on Earth is that orchestra doing here?!”

          “Oh them,” she lightly laughed.  “They follow me on special occasions: they’re the soundtrack to my life.”  The cymbals finally crashed.  “Not yet, guys – maybe start again when we kiss to seal the deal?” she asked; the music abruptly cut off.  To her angel, she smiled: “You were saying?”

            “Ummmm….”

            *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *         

            The two spies snuck through the darkened warehouse and spoke to each other in whispers.

            “I’ll take the left, you take the right,” Spy 1 said.

            “Why do I always have to take the right?” Spy 2 almost whined.

            “Because right now I’m on the left, right?”

            “What?”

            A menacing bass line began.

            “So, you go that way,” Spy 1 gestured with a gun, “and I’ll go this way.  Ri – OK?”

            “Wait a minute, what’s that noise?”

            A synthesizer ratcheted up the thrill factor.

            “It’s underscoring the danger of our actions, now c’mon!”  Spy 1 gestured with the gun again.

          “Not so fast,” Spy 2 said, head tilting to listen.  “I know those chords.  This is the Villain Theme playing right now.”

            “What are you talking about?”

            “That’s the music played every time the villain shows up.”

            “Which makes perfect sense because that’s the reason why we’re here!  To catch the villain!”

           “Yes… or….”  Spy 2 pointed a gun at Spy 1.  “Perhaps the True Villain has been beside me ALL ALONG.”

            <DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUN!>

            Spy 1 pointed the gun at Spy 2.  “Now you’re just being stupid and tiresome.  <Gasp> Maybe this music’s playing because you’ve been the True Villain ALL ALONG!”

            “Nonsense – I’m not the villain.”

            “Ha!  Prove it!”

            “I’d know it if I was, wouldn’t I.”

            “You make a good point.”

            The True Villain jumped out from behind a pillar, accompanied by a crescendo.

         “Aha, you fools!”  The Villain laughed evilly.  “The music was signaling my approach, and now I have the drop on both of you!”

            “Blast,” Spy 1 said as the two raised their hands in surrender.  “We sure misread those cues.”

            “Yes, I must say they were deliberately confusing to the casual listener,” Spy 2 agreed.

            *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *         

            In the haunted house, the reckless teenagers paused on the third floor to regroup; they spoke with flashlights shining up on their faces due to the requisite power outage during the obligatory thunderstorm.

            “I say we head to the basement and wait it out there,” Teen 1 said.

           “I say we head to the attic, solve the mystery, and set the angry ghost’s soul to rest,” Teen 2 said.

            “I say we head to the front door and walk out of it,” Teen 3 said.

            “Hold up a sec!” Teen 4 hysterically shouted.

            “What?  We were having a nice rational discussion up until now,” Teen 1 said.

         Teen 4 looked around in terror before screechily whispering: “Where’s our supporting music?!”

            The others pondered this.

            “You’re right, it’s been suspiciously not playing for ages,” Teen 2 said.

            “That means when it does play, it’ll be a doozy,” Teen 1 agreed.

           “I’m going to climb down this drainpipe here,” Teen 3 said, opening a window.  “You’re all welcome to join me whenever you’d like.”

            The other three froze in place.

            “Should we run for it?” Teen 4 asked.

            “Maybe if we never move ever again from this spot, the ghost’ll forget about us and leave us alone,” Teen 2 said.

            “Or we could – ” Teen 1 started but was cut off by jump-scare music, which was followed by the jump scare of the tangible ghost getting in their faces.

            With everyone screaming, the music was no longer necessary.

            From outside the house, Teen 3 jumped onto the ground from the drainpipe, ran to the car, got inside, and started it.  The horror music quietly began to swell.

            Teen 3 turned to face the music: “Don’t even think about it.”

            The music stopped as Teen 3 drove off into the night.

            *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *         

            In an office, Manager approached Employee.

            “So,” Manager said, “we’ve got a huge project coming up, with lots of ways it can go wrong.”

            “All right,” Employee said, then pressed a button on a CD player; light-hearted music played through the speakers.

            “What are you doing?” Manager asked.

        “Scoring our new adventure,” Employee said.  “Judging by your statement, I trust that shenanigans will ensue?”

            “Not really – this is a very serious project for one of our top clients.  If it doesn’t go right, we could be – ” Manager leaned in slightly to whisper – “F-I-R-E-D.”

            “All right.”  Employee pressed a few different buttons; serious-sounding music then played.  “So this situation is dramatic, then.”

            “Well, yeah!  And I even feel a little uncomfortable taking it on, to tell you the truth; this is the client who is a bit – ” whispered again – “S-H-A-D-Y.”

            “Got ya.”  Employee hit several more buttons; hints of mystery and danger were signified by the presence of a bassoon.  “How’s this one?”

            “Perfect.”