Story 437: Babysitting for Family

 (At a house in suburbia)

Parent: (To Child as they both wait in the living room) Now, your cousin’ll be here any minute – you remember what I told you for tonight?

Child: Uh-huh: don’t waste any food at dinner; put everything in the dishwasher; not too much TV; do board games first.

Parent: Very good – and?

Child: Oh yeah: don’t swallow, run around with, or otherwise roughhouse with anything that doesn’t belong in the body.

Parent: (Hugs Child) Excellent.  (Knock at the front door) Here we go!  (Opens the door and sees Teen; waves at Cousin as the latter drives away from the house) Hi!  It’s so good to see you!  (Hugs Teen briefly)

Teen: Hi – am I late?  (Half-hugs Child) Hey there, squirt.

Child: Howdy.

Parent: Not at all, you’re right on time!  (Gathers belongings to head out the door) So, you two are going to have a great time tonight – I left a pizza in the freezer, and ice cream’s in there too if you want some later –

Teen: (Licks lips) Yum.

Parent: Oh, and all the phone numbers you might need are on the fridge; mine’s on top, police, fire –

Child: Poison Control?

Parent: Yes dear, if either of you wind up mistaking the clearly labeled bleach for water then that number’s there, too.  I think that’s it; any questions?

Teen: Yeah, when’s bedtime around here?

Parent: Oh, well, it’s not a school night so you don’t have to worry about that.

Teen: Sweet.

Parent: (Hugs Child and heads for the door) Now, you both be good!

Child and Teen: We will!

Parent: (At the open door) And call me if there’s anything you’re not sure about, OK?

Child and Teen: OK!

Parent: (Blowing kisses) Love you – bye!  (Closes the door and drives off)

Teen: (Spins on heel to face Child) So.  The house is ours, then.

Child: I guess.  Wanna play Amalgamation?

Teen: Nah, that one takes forever and the mergers are never satisfying.  Let’s watch TV, I never get to see the shows I want at home.

Child: Uh… the cable’s out.

Teen: Oh.  You got a laptop or something with Internet then?  I’m sure someone around here’s got a subscription service I can force myself into.

Child: Uhhhh…. (The landline phone rings)

Teen: (Jumps in shock) Ah!  Who’s that?!

Child: Dunno – there’s no caller ID on that one.  (Phone keeps ringing)

Teen: Well you live here, you should answer it!

Child: OK, I was going to let it go to voicemail, but sure.  (Picks up the receiver) Hello?

Voice 1: Hello.  Don’t hang up – (Child hangs up)

Teen: (Peeking from behind a kitchen chair) Who was it?!

Child: A robot.

Teen: (Gasps) We’re finally under attack from A.I.?!

Child: No, it probably just wanted to sell us insurance.  I’m actually getting hungry – wanna do dinner now?

Teen: (Emerging from behind the chair) Sure, there’s nothing else to do.

(They have the pizza, dump the dishes and glasses in the dishwasher, and enter the Post-Dinner Lull)

Teen: Soooo, whaddya do for fun around here?  Last time we came over you had that basketball hoop in the driveway.

Child: …It’s broken.  Hey, wanna watch a movie?

Teen: I thought the cable was out.

Child: I meant on DVD.

Teen: How retro.  Sure, whatcha got?

(They review the choices on shelves by the entertainment center)

Teen: (Points to a title) That one’ll give you nightmares.

Child: (Peers closer) It’s rated “G.”

Teen: Then someone out there made a mistake, because those goblins were most certainly not family-friendly.  (Grabs a case) Ooh, how about this one?

Child: (Reads the cover, then looks up at Teen) This one’s rated “R.”

Teen: I know, but all my friends’ve seen it and they said there’s barely any blood and gore – my parents wouldn’t let me go see it though; they’re the worst.

Child: I like them.

Teen: (Flops on the couch and grabs two remotes to start up the TV and DVD player) Yeah, well, you don’t have to be their kid!

Child: (Sits slowly next to Teen) I’m sure they mean well.

Teen: Yeah, yeah.  (Jumps in seat when there is a knock on the door) Who is that?!

Child: (Stares at Teen) Should I answer it then?

Teen: (Dives behind the couch) You betcha!

Child: (Walks to the front door but does not open it) Who is it?

Voice 2: Just a friendly salesperson offering a brand spanking new set of encyclopedias!

Teen: (Pops up from behind the couch) Liar!  Those went extinct years ago!

Child: We don’t want any, thank you.

Voice 2: (Droopingly) Nobody does.  (Footsteps recede)

Teen: (Climbs back over the couch to sit as Child returns) That was scary – let’s go watch the movie.  (Resumes remote work)

Child: Uh… I have an idea!

Teen: Better than space horror?

Child: Yes!  (Grabs one of the books scattered throughout the room) Can you read this to me, please?  I need it for school.

Teen: (Grabs the book and raises an eyebrow while reading the title) Sense and Sensibility?  A little advanced for the 5^th grade, isn’t it?

Child: Exactly: I’m in an advanced class.  (Cuddles next to Teen and looks up expectantly)

Teen: (Sighs, then shuts down the entertainment system and opens up the book) Fine – I could use a little Jane Austen wit right about now.

 TWO HOURS LATER

(Parent unlocks and opens the front door)

Parent: I’m home!  How is everybody?

(Child and Teen wake up from dozing on the couch)

Child: (Runs to hug Parent) You’re home, yay!

Parent: (Laughing) Silly.  Did you two have a good time?

Teen: (Rubbing eyes and stretching) Yep – learned everything we ever wanted to know about Regency English laws of property entailment and primogeniture.

(Parent looks down at Child in confusion)

Child: It was amazing.

Parent: Well, that’s… lovely.  (Teen subtly returns the movie to the shelf as Parent hangs up coat) So, did you have any dessert?

Teen: (Slumps) Argh, I missed it!

Child: The pizza was enough.

(There is a knock at the front door)

Parent: Perfect timing!  (Opens the door to Cousin and they hug) Hi!  This worked out well – I just got home now from the reunion, too!

Cousin: (Hugs Child) Great!  (To Teen) You ready to go, kiddo?

Teen: (To Parent) Actually, since we’ve got a bit of a ride, can I use your bathroom first?

Parent: Sure!  You remember where it is?

Teen: Oh yeah, I always secure those locations wherever I go.  (Trots away)

Cousin: (To Child) You two have a good time tonight, hm?

Child: It was… entertaining.

Cousin: Hope kiddo there wasn’t too much of a handful; I really appreciate you babysitting tonight, by the way.

Child: Of course – that’s what family’s for.

Story 254: Why Is There a Soundtrack?

            The radiant sunset surrounded the couple with shades of red, purple, and pink as the two strolled through the cozy park, hand-in-hand.  The moment when he was going to pop the question was fast approaching: he knew it, she knew it, the dog walkers knew it.  The violins swelled in anticipation as he suddenly stopped, grabbing both her hands in his.

            “Beloved?” he opened.

            “Yes, my angel?” she replied; several stirring flutes got in on the action.

          “We have known each other for so long – ” the violins became more agitated – “I simply cannot face the rest of my life without you by my side – ” an expectant drumroll began, with cymbals winding up for the climax – “and what on Earth is that orchestra doing here?!”

          “Oh them,” she lightly laughed.  “They follow me on special occasions: they’re the soundtrack to my life.”  The cymbals finally crashed.  “Not yet, guys – maybe start again when we kiss to seal the deal?” she asked; the music abruptly cut off.  To her angel, she smiled: “You were saying?”

            “Ummmm….”

            *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *         

            The two spies snuck through the darkened warehouse and spoke to each other in whispers.

            “I’ll take the left, you take the right,” Spy 1 said.

            “Why do I always have to take the right?” Spy 2 almost whined.

            “Because right now I’m on the left, right?”

            “What?”

            A menacing bass line began.

            “So, you go that way,” Spy 1 gestured with a gun, “and I’ll go this way.  Ri – OK?”

            “Wait a minute, what’s that noise?”

            A synthesizer ratcheted up the thrill factor.

            “It’s underscoring the danger of our actions, now c’mon!”  Spy 1 gestured with the gun again.

          “Not so fast,” Spy 2 said, head tilting to listen.  “I know those chords.  This is the Villain Theme playing right now.”

            “What are you talking about?”

            “That’s the music played every time the villain shows up.”

            “Which makes perfect sense because that’s the reason why we’re here!  To catch the villain!”

           “Yes… or….”  Spy 2 pointed a gun at Spy 1.  “Perhaps the True Villain has been beside me ALL ALONG.”

            <DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUN!>

            Spy 1 pointed the gun at Spy 2.  “Now you’re just being stupid and tiresome.  <Gasp> Maybe this music’s playing because you’ve been the True Villain ALL ALONG!”

            “Nonsense – I’m not the villain.”

            “Ha!  Prove it!”

            “I’d know it if I was, wouldn’t I.”

            “You make a good point.”

            The True Villain jumped out from behind a pillar, accompanied by a crescendo.

         “Aha, you fools!”  The Villain laughed evilly.  “The music was signaling my approach, and now I have the drop on both of you!”

            “Blast,” Spy 1 said as the two raised their hands in surrender.  “We sure misread those cues.”

            “Yes, I must say they were deliberately confusing to the casual listener,” Spy 2 agreed.

            *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *         

            In the haunted house, the reckless teenagers paused on the third floor to regroup; they spoke with flashlights shining up on their faces due to the requisite power outage during the obligatory thunderstorm.

            “I say we head to the basement and wait it out there,” Teen 1 said.

           “I say we head to the attic, solve the mystery, and set the angry ghost’s soul to rest,” Teen 2 said.

            “I say we head to the front door and walk out of it,” Teen 3 said.

            “Hold up a sec!” Teen 4 hysterically shouted.

            “What?  We were having a nice rational discussion up until now,” Teen 1 said.

         Teen 4 looked around in terror before screechily whispering: “Where’s our supporting music?!”

            The others pondered this.

            “You’re right, it’s been suspiciously not playing for ages,” Teen 2 said.

            “That means when it does play, it’ll be a doozy,” Teen 1 agreed.

           “I’m going to climb down this drainpipe here,” Teen 3 said, opening a window.  “You’re all welcome to join me whenever you’d like.”

            The other three froze in place.

            “Should we run for it?” Teen 4 asked.

            “Maybe if we never move ever again from this spot, the ghost’ll forget about us and leave us alone,” Teen 2 said.

            “Or we could – ” Teen 1 started but was cut off by jump-scare music, which was followed by the jump scare of the tangible ghost getting in their faces.

            With everyone screaming, the music was no longer necessary.

            From outside the house, Teen 3 jumped onto the ground from the drainpipe, ran to the car, got inside, and started it.  The horror music quietly began to swell.

            Teen 3 turned to face the music: “Don’t even think about it.”

            The music stopped as Teen 3 drove off into the night.

            *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *         

            In an office, Manager approached Employee.

            “So,” Manager said, “we’ve got a huge project coming up, with lots of ways it can go wrong.”

            “All right,” Employee said, then pressed a button on a CD player; light-hearted music played through the speakers.

            “What are you doing?” Manager asked.

        “Scoring our new adventure,” Employee said.  “Judging by your statement, I trust that shenanigans will ensue?”

            “Not really – this is a very serious project for one of our top clients.  If it doesn’t go right, we could be – ” Manager leaned in slightly to whisper – “F-I-R-E-D.”

            “All right.”  Employee pressed a few different buttons; serious-sounding music then played.  “So this situation is dramatic, then.”

            “Well, yeah!  And I even feel a little uncomfortable taking it on, to tell you the truth; this is the client who is a bit – ” whispered again – “S-H-A-D-Y.”

            “Got ya.”  Employee hit several more buttons; hints of mystery and danger were signified by the presence of a bassoon.  “How’s this one?”

            “Perfect.”