(At a work-from-home desk)
Coworker: (Speaking to a group through a video conference) So after reviewing the numbers, the upcoming fiscal year is projected to be a 10% improvement over the last one.
Manager 1: (Nodding head with others on the conference) Good-good, that’s what we want to hear. Any questions?
Director: No, I think we’re all set. (To Coworker) Great presentation; really sets my mind at ease for preparing next year’s budget.
Coworker: (Smiling in relief) Glad to hear it!
Manager 1: You can stop sharing your screen now.
Coworker: Oh right. (Stops sharing the screen and closes the presentation)
Director: OK, if nobody has anything to add then I say this meeting is adjourned.
(As everyone else nods, Coworker sees a private message from Manager 1 pop up in a corner of the screen)
Manager 1: (Message) “Please stay on after everyone else signs off.”
Coworker: (Smile freezes in horror) <Gulp>
Director: (To Coworker) Everything all right?
Coworker: (Looks back up at the group; chokes) Yes! – ahem – Yes, just… (Everyone stares back expectantly) I.T. issue.
(The others groan in sympathy)
Director: I.T.’s the worst, isn’t it?
Database Manager: I’m I.T.
Director: Sorry – you’re the best. Anyway, gotta go: got two overlapping meetings and I’m late for both, bye! (Signs off, followed by everyone else except Manager 1 and Coworker)
Manager 1: So! The reason why I asked you to stay on –
Coworker: (Wiping sweat off of forehead) Uh-huh, uh-huh –
Manager 1: – is because we’re already here and it’s easier than back-and-forth e-mails or – ugh – a phone call.
Coworker: (Drily swallowing) Uh-huh, uh-huh –
Manager 1: At any rate, I hate to bring this up but –
Coworker: The-presentation-was-awful-and-I’m-being-replaced-by-a-robot-and-the-company’s-finally-going-to-fire-me-with-no-severance-pay-or-holdover-health-insurance-I-just-know-it!
Manager 1: What?! No, the presentation was great and you’re actually getting a raise this year that I’m technically not supposed to tell you about yet – where is all this coming from?!
Coworker: …Nowhere.
Manager 1: We’ll chalk it up to stress. Listen, I’d rather couch this as asking for a favor, but since I’m your boss I really supposed to tell you to do this: I need to you to go back into the office tomorrow.
Coworker: (Blinks in confusion and whiplashing emotions) Go… back… into... the office…?
Manager 1: Yeah, I know, it’s been, what, five years since we last were there?
Coworker: (In awe) That’s half a decade….
Manager 1: Wow, phrasing it like that makes it sound even worse.
Coworker: Sorry. I didn’t realize the company still had an office.
Manager 1: I know, right? Last I heard, they cut it down to half a floor to save on rent; only a few people go in regularly.
Coworker: …Why?
Manager 1: Voluntold, I guess. CEO stops by every so often, too; probably to see how the money’s being spent, and also to get out of the house.
Coworker: (Back in a panic) Soooo… is this it?
Manager 1: “It”?
Coworker: Am I being sent back… in?
Manager 1: Oh no, this is only for a day. I won’t send you back in permanently as long as I can help it, and I know you’re actually working when you work from home which, let’s be honest, between you and me, can’t be said for everyone in our department. (Seals lips and “Ssh”s self)
Coworker: (As a few coworkers spring to mind) Oh, I don’t know….
Manager 1: Yeah-yeah, we all know – the point is, there’s an audit tomorrow and the surveyors want it in-person so someone from each department has to be there, and up until today it was going to be me but I just found out from our Director a little while ago that I now have to get myself thee states over with no travel reimbursement to do a site inspection of one of the warehouses because something funny’s going on, although who knows what I’m supposed to do about it except tattle and try to shame them into compliance, good luck with that, so there that is, the timing’s awful, I’ll give you all my notes, but you’ll do fine, I guarantee it!
Coworker: (Having lost track several phrases ago) Huh?
Manager 1: I’ll send you an e-mail – you’ve got this; just think of me driving for seven hours to face a bunch of incompetent liars and what you’ll have to go through will seem like nothing. Fare thee well! (Meeting ends)
Coworker: (Sits
back in a daze) Back to the office… I don’t think I remember how to get there….
THE NEXT DAY
(Coworker enters the nearly-empty lobby of a large skyscraper and walks to the security desk)
Coworker: Hello, I’m with -------- and was told to – (Swallows loudly) come in today.
Security Guard: (Checking the computer) Oh yeah, we’ve had a rush for that company this morning; you’re the second guest so far.
Coworker: …Wow.
Security Guard: Yeah, it’s been nuts – ID please. (Coworker hands over a driver license and company badge) That’s good you still have this: I can reinstate your access, but it’s only valid for 30 days.
Coworker: That’s OK; one will do.
Security Guard: (Chuckles) I know, right? Once they figure out how we can do remote security, I’ll be all over that, let me tell you. (Hands back the items) All set: still on the 39th floor, but half of it’s been closed off for a long time, so watch out for the ghosts, wooooo! (Wiggles fingers spookily; Coworker stares in fear; Security Guard lowers hands) A lot of stuff up there’s falling apart from neglect, so just be careful.
Coworker: Oh–OK–thanks. (Rushes to the elevator bank)
Security Guard: (Turns to see someone approaching from the main entrance) Another one? This is the most excitement I’ve had in years.
(The elevator doors open to a bleak hallway with minimal lighting; Coworker trots quickly to the other end and uses the badge to open the office door. The main section has a large open area where many desks clearly were removed, leaving their imprints on the carpet; a few remaining desks are bunched together in a far corner. Coworker stares at the empty space that is poorly lit and full of dust as a tumbleweed rolls by)
Coworker: (Starts walking toward the desks) Helloooo?! (In a small voice) And I was never seen again…. (Jumps as a phone on one of the desks rings, echoing throughout the open space, then looks around) Anyone gonna get that? (The rings eventually stop) Guess not.
(A door creakily opens, showing a room filled with light and a silhouette in the center; Coworker spins around at the noise and faces the silhouette approaching)
Coworker: (Softly) Oh noooo….
(The silhouette resolves into a human figure)
Supervisor 1: Oh hey – here for the audit?
Coworker: …Yes.
Supervisor 1: Guess you didn’t get the e-mail either, huh?
Coworker: If it was sent this morning, I can’t check e-mail while I’m… commuting. (Involuntarily shudders at the word)
Supervisor 1: (Sits at the desk that had the ringing phone) Heh, I’m sure that was a lot of fun – traffic as bad as it was when you last were here? Probably worse, I bet.
Coworker: I’m trying to expunge the memory – are you telling me in an extremely roundabout way that the audit’s been cancelled?
Supervisor 1: Oh no, it’s still going on today. They just figured that it didn’t need to be in-person after all, since, well – (Gestures at the cavern surrounding them) look at the place.
Coworker: (Flings away a passing cobweb) I have.
Supervisor 1: So, yeah: all the files they need to review are saved on the server anyway, and clearly nobody cares about the working conditions for the three of us saps still here, so like everything else, they’re doing it virtually.
Coworker: (Stares at Supervisor 1) So I could’ve stayed home this whole time?!
Supervisor 1: Yep. Hope the company’s paying for your trip in.
Coworker: It’s not!
Supervisor 1: Yeah, me neither. (Peers at a figure emerging from the office door) Oh hey – here for the audit?
Manager 2: Yeah.
Supervisor 1: Virtual now.
Manager 2: Blast. (Turns to leave)
Supervisor 1: (Stands) Hey, wait – (Manager 2 turns back) you all can use the computers here for that, you know.
Manager 2: Oh. Right; with the sudden upheaval, I forgot.
Supervisor 1: Yeah, I mean, this is an office, that’s what we do. And since now a few of you are here…. (Walks to the other door and leans in) You recovered yet?
Manager 3: (Comes out of the room while holding an icepack to the head) Almost: the fumes and other drivers are lingering still.
Supervisor 1: (To the group) I’ll set you all up for a teleconference and you can do your thing at the desks here. (Rubs hands together in glee) This is exciting: we haven’t had anybody besides us in years! (Opens the door again and sticks head into the room) We have more company!
(Two others come out of the room)
Supervisor 2: (Claps hands and jumps up and down in joy) Colleagues! Coworkers! It’s been so long! You want coffee? I’ll get you coffee. (Runs back into the room)
Supervisor 3: As you can see, it’s been ages since we’ve interacted with others besides ourselves here.
Coworker: (Sitting down at a desk prepped by Supervisor 1) It’s so odd – I figured whoever was left here was having the social interaction we’re supposed to need, but instead you seem so isolated while with all the meetings and phone calls I have at home, I don’t feel cut off from the world one bit.
Supervisor 1: (Stops prepping the other desks for Manager 2 and Manager 3 to sweep an arm taking in the barren office wasteland) As you can guess, the irony is not lost on any of us here.