(At home, Oblivia wears a comfy robe and pajamas and hums while making a cup of coffee and waffles. She then gleefully carries a tray with her breakfast and sets it on her bed, then snuggles under the covers before turning on a laptop and logging into a video conference)
Manager: (Addressing the four other screens in attendance) So let’s get started – first off, you’ve probably all guessed by now no one’s getting a bonus this year. (The others mumble in the affirmative) And we’ve lucked out the company doesn’t have lay off anyone – yet – but I was told we have to slash the department’s hours again –
Coworker 1: But my health insurance can’t take any slashing!
Manager: Don’t worry, I’m told that’ll be unaffected – (Mutters underneath biting nails) – for now.
Coworker 1: Oh. Then yay, shorter work week!
Manager: The workload’s increased and you have even less time to do it in.
Coworker 1: Aw, nuts.
Manager: Now, let’s go over the budget – how’re the numbers for this quarter?
Coworker 2: Abysmal.
Manager: Drat. How’s Marketing looking?
Oblivia: (Mouth full of toast, gives two thumbs-up) Great! Practically the best it’s ever been!
Manager: …Are you… wearing your PJs and eating breakfast in bed?
Oblivia: Oh yeah, this is the best set-up I’ve had in years! I love working from home, don’t you?
Manager: (Slow blink as a screaming toddler runs past in the background) Not particularly.
Coworker 3: Speaking of, year-ago-me can’t believe I’m asking this but any word on when we might be able to come back into the office?
Manager: (Tosses away a cat walking across the desk) What do you think?!
Coworker 3: Just checking – I’m starting to lose feeling in my legs for hours at a time now that I’m working from the couch all day long.
Manager: Oh, boo-hoo! Remind everyone out there to feel bad for your inconvenience!
Coworker 3: I withdraw my statement.
Manager: Seriously though – get up and take a walk once in a while, you might be working on deep vein thrombosis.
Coworker 3: What?
Oblivia: (Slurps coffee) By the way, anybody got plans for New Year’s Eve?
Manager: Are you kidding?!
Oblivia: I usually wind up staying home, but I like to live vicariously by hearing about what everyone else is doing.
Coworker 1: Staying home.
Coworker 2: Staying home.
Coworker 3: Staying home.
Manager: Staying home, like we’ve been doing all year long!
Coworker 2: I thought it was only since March?
Manager: “Only”?!
Oblivia: I also wanted to see if you all made resolutions yet. Mine’re the same every year: eat healthier and read at least one educational book. I fail every year, though.
Coworker 2: Heh, my resolutions usually are the book thing and lose 20 pounds. I also fail.
Coworker 1: I resolve in 2021 to be more appreciative for the good things in my life. Oh, and also wash my hands better, `cause apparently I’m still pretty bad at it.
Coworker 3: I’m resolving to walk every day, and call my family and friends more, and volunteer somewhere at least once a month, and – I’m already exhausted, forget it.
Oblivia: Ooh, I’m gonna add the walking bit, maybe I’ll be able to squeeze that into errands, hm?
Manager: Who cares?! I’m trying to run a meeting here and no one’s paying attention! This department barely functioned on a good day and it’s even worse now that everyone’s telecommuting!
Oblivia: I don’t know, I think this has been a successful experiment with all of us not having to deal with each other in-person 40+ hours a week; I’d like to continue it forever if that’s all right.
Manager: It’s not an experiment! Do you even know what’s going on around you?!
Oblivia: Year-round hibernation?
(Manager clunks head down on the desk)
NEW YEAR’S EVE
(In the same robe and pajamas, Oblivia samples from champagne and desserts while watching television shows leading up to 2021)
News Anchor: – we’ll all certainly be glad to say “Good Riddance” to 2020, and look forward to a hopefully better 2021.
Oblivia: Don’t people say that every year? (Watches the ball drop)
Crowds: Happy New Year, dagnabbit! Save us, 2021!
Oblivia: Hm. It would be ironic if this is the year an asteroid finally does wipe us all out.
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