(At a house in suburbia)
Parent: (To Child as they both wait in the living room) Now, your cousin’ll be here any minute – you remember what I told you for tonight?
Child: Uh-huh: don’t waste any food at dinner; put everything in the dishwasher; not too much TV; do board games first.
Parent: Very good – and?
Child: Oh yeah: don’t swallow, run around with, or otherwise roughhouse with anything that doesn’t belong in the body.
Parent: (Hugs Child) Excellent. (Knock at the front door) Here we go! (Opens the door and sees Teen; waves at Cousin as the latter drives away from the house) Hi! It’s so good to see you! (Hugs Teen briefly)
Teen: Hi – am I late? (Half-hugs Child) Hey there, squirt.
Child: Howdy.
Parent: Not at all, you’re right on time! (Gathers belongings to head out the door) So, you two are going to have a great time tonight – I left a pizza in the freezer, and ice cream’s in there too if you want some later –
Teen: (Licks lips) Yum.
Parent: Oh, and all the phone numbers you might need are on the fridge; mine’s on top, police, fire –
Child: Poison Control?
Parent: Yes dear, if either of you wind up mistaking the clearly labeled bleach for water then that number’s there, too. I think that’s it; any questions?
Teen: Yeah, when’s bedtime around here?
Parent: Oh, well, it’s not a school night so you don’t have to worry about that.
Teen: Sweet.
Parent: (Hugs Child and heads for the door) Now, you both be good!
Child and Teen: We will!
Parent: (At the open door) And call me if there’s anything you’re not sure about, OK?
Child and Teen: OK!
Parent: (Blowing kisses) Love you – bye! (Closes the door and drives off)
Teen: (Spins on heel to face Child) So. The house is ours, then.
Child: I guess. Wanna play Amalgamation?
Teen: Nah, that one takes forever and the mergers are never satisfying. Let’s watch TV, I never get to see the shows I want at home.
Child: Uh… the cable’s out.
Teen: Oh. You got a laptop or something with Internet then? I’m sure someone around here’s got a subscription service I can force myself into.
Child: Uhhhh…. (The landline phone rings)
Teen: (Jumps in shock) Ah! Who’s that?!
Child: Dunno – there’s no caller ID on that one. (Phone keeps ringing)
Teen: Well you live here, you should answer it!
Child: OK, I was going to let it go to voicemail, but sure. (Picks up the receiver) Hello?
Voice 1: Hello. Don’t hang up – (Child hangs up)
Teen: (Peeking from behind a kitchen chair) Who was it?!
Child: A robot.
Teen: (Gasps) We’re finally under attack from A.I.?!
Child: No, it probably just wanted to sell us insurance. I’m actually getting hungry – wanna do dinner now?
Teen: (Emerging from behind the chair) Sure, there’s nothing else to do.
(They have the pizza, dump the dishes and glasses in the dishwasher, and enter the Post-Dinner Lull)
Teen: Soooo, whaddya do for fun around here? Last time we came over you had that basketball hoop in the driveway.
Child: …It’s broken. Hey, wanna watch a movie?
Teen: I thought the cable was out.
Child: I meant on DVD.
Teen: How retro. Sure, whatcha got?
(They review the choices on shelves by the entertainment center)
Teen: (Points to a title) That one’ll give you nightmares.
Child: (Peers closer) It’s rated “G.”
Teen: Then someone out there made a mistake, because those goblins were most certainly not family-friendly. (Grabs a case) Ooh, how about this one?
Child: (Reads the cover, then looks up at Teen) This one’s rated “R.”
Teen: I know, but all my friends’ve seen it and they said there’s barely any blood and gore – my parents wouldn’t let me go see it though; they’re the worst.
Child: I like them.
Teen: (Flops on the couch and grabs two remotes to start up the TV and DVD player) Yeah, well, you don’t have to be their kid!
Child: (Sits slowly next to Teen) I’m sure they mean well.
Teen: Yeah, yeah. (Jumps in seat when there is a knock on the door) Who is that?!
Child: (Stares at Teen) Should I answer it then?
Teen: (Dives behind the couch) You betcha!
Child: (Walks to the front door but does not open it) Who is it?
Voice 2: Just a friendly salesperson offering a brand spanking new set of encyclopedias!
Teen: (Pops up from behind the couch) Liar! Those went extinct years ago!
Child: We don’t want any, thank you.
Voice 2: (Droopingly) Nobody does. (Footsteps recede)
Teen: (Climbs back over the couch to sit as Child returns) That was scary – let’s go watch the movie. (Resumes remote work)
Child: Uh… I have an idea!
Teen: Better than space horror?
Child: Yes! (Grabs one of the books scattered throughout the room) Can you read this to me, please? I need it for school.
Teen: (Grabs the book and raises an eyebrow while reading the title) Sense and Sensibility? A little advanced for the 5th grade, isn’t it?
Child: Exactly: I’m in an advanced class. (Cuddles next to Teen and looks up expectantly)
Teen: (Sighs, then shuts down the entertainment system and opens up the book) Fine – I could use a little Jane Austen wit right about now.
TWO HOURS LATER
(Parent unlocks and opens the front door)
Parent: I’m home! How is everybody?
(Child and Teen wake up from dozing on the couch)
Child: (Runs to hug Parent) You’re home, yay!
Parent: (Laughing) Silly. Did you two have a good time?
Teen: (Rubbing eyes and stretching) Yep – learned everything we ever wanted to know about Regency English laws of property entailment and primogeniture.
(Parent looks down at Child in confusion)
Child: It was amazing.
Parent: Well, that’s… lovely. (Teen subtly returns the movie to the shelf as Parent hangs up coat) So, did you have any dessert?
Teen: (Slumps) Argh, I missed it!
Child: The pizza was enough.
(There is a knock at the front door)
Parent: Perfect timing! (Opens the door to Cousin and they hug) Hi! This worked out well – I just got home now from the reunion, too!
Cousin: (Hugs Child) Great! (To Teen) You ready to go, kiddo?
Teen: (To Parent) Actually, since we’ve got a bit of a ride, can I use your bathroom first?
Parent: Sure! You remember where it is?
Teen: Oh yeah, I always secure those locations wherever I go. (Trots away)
Cousin: (To Child) You two have a good time tonight, hm?
Child: It was… entertaining.
Cousin: Hope kiddo there wasn’t too much of a handful; I really appreciate you babysitting tonight, by the way.
Child: Of course – that’s what family’s for.
