(In an office, Coworker 1 is typing agitatedly away as Coworker 2 approaches carrying a large soft drink)
Coworker 2: Haaaaaaappy Friiiidaaaaaaayyyyyy!!!!!
Coworker 1: (Without looking up) You know that sentiment unreasonably irritates me – we clearly are not happy and want nothing more than for Friday to end.
Coworker 2: Well, just the business-day part of it for us in the office contingent – I felt the same way you do when I worked weekends in retail; Friday nights were just the worst.
Coworker 1: I believe it: I probably was one of your customers. (An e-mail pops up – Coworker 1 freezes while reading it) Oh no – oh no – oh no – oh no – oh no –
Coworker 2: Uh-oh, sounds like that sinking feeling. What happened?
Coworker 1: The thing – I sent – I forgot – it needs – I missed – on Monday –
Coworker 2: Let me guess: you submitted something that’s due on Monday and just now were reminded that something else is needed for it but since it’s – (Looks at watch) 4:49 on a Friday afternoon it’s too late to add anything and now you’re doomed?
Coworker 1: (Nods a lot with a panicked face) And the worst part is, I’m not the one who’s going to be presenting it; my manager is.
Coworker 2: Ooh, double whammy. Now excuses’ll have to be made for your incompetence, but it’ll just look like your manager can’t supervise employees properly. You’re gonna get yelled at both for messing up and for making the boss look bad – I don’t envy you one bit.
Coworker 1: (Sinks down onto the desk) What-am-I-gonna-do?! My head’s gonna get taken off! Again!
Coworker 2: This has happened before?
Coworker 1: A similarly horrific mistake, yes.
Coworker 2: Well, there’re only two things for it: send your manager an e-mail confessing all, and spend the weekend having the time of your life before facing the end on Monday.
Coworker 1: (Sits up again) How can I even think about enjoying myself when I have this hanging over me?!
Coworker 2: Easy: it’s not going anywhere and there’s nothing to be done about it until three days from now, so why spend your remaining moments of non-punishment miserable? Go wild, I say. (Looks at watch again) Speaking of, that very nicely ends my shift – bye. (Leaves, slurping the drink)
Coworker 1: (Stares at the computer monitor for a few moments, then types a reply e-mail) Metaphorical falling-on-my-sword, commence. (Selects “Send,” sighs dramatically, logs out of the computer, cleans up the desk, and leaves)
FRIDAY NIGHT
(Coworker 1 slowly walks to the train station for the commute home, then stops in the middle of the sidewalk to the annoyance of pedestrians everywhere)
Coworker 1: Wait a minute – this is the self-appointed Greatest City in the World! Why am I heading home to mentally gnaw on work issues when I’m literally in the middle of all this stuff?! (Runs to the nearest club)
Pedestrian: You go, office drone! Take the world and give nothing back!
(Coworker 1 spends the evening club-hopping, dancing to loud music, eating delicious junk, and riding home on the late train humming that one song that never leaves)
SATURDAY MORNING/AFTERNOON
(Coworker 1 sleeps late, then makes a gourmet breakfast before heading to the nearest mountain to ski)
Ski Instructor: And how many lessons have you had prior to this?
Coworker 1: None! (Crouches into a ball before pushing off to head down the entire mountain)
Ski Instructor: Wait, I didn’t teach you how to fall yet!
(Coworker 1 screams all the way, reaches the bottom, stops safely, and tips over onto a small snowbank)
Coworker 1: (Lying on back and staring at the gray sky) Wheeeee….
SATURDAY EVENING
(At a movie theater box office)
Cashier: May I help you?
Coworker 1: Yes, I’d like a ticket to the double-double-feature please, along with five tubs of popcorn and seven gallons of soda. Oh, and all the candy.
Cashier: (Rings up the ticket) Just a reminder the final show doesn’t let out until 3 a.m., and you have to get all that other stuff at the concession stand.
Coworker 1: (Swipes credit card) Right – it’s been so long since I’ve done this, I thought it was all consolidated to one purchase by now.
Cashier: (Hands over the ticket and receipt) Thankfully not.
(Coworker 1 runs to the concession stand, the unconsumed sugar already kicking in, then sits in a theater getting lost in other worlds for the next six hours)
SUNDAY MORNING
(Coworker 1 joins a group doing yoga on a beach)
Coworker 1: (To Yoga Instructor) I saw some dolphins out there on my way over – will they be joining us like the goats do on those farms?
Yoga Instructor: No, they need to stay in the water.
Coworker 1: Cool – maybe I’ll join them later.
(The group members invert their bodies for the next half hour)
SUNDAY AFTERNOON
(Coworker 1 prepares to tandem skydive out of an airplane)
Skydiving Instructor: (Shouting over the rushing wind and the plane’s engine) Just remember: I’ll be doing all the work, so you literally don’t have to do a single thing except not get sick, if you don’t mind!
Coworker 1: No worries! I figure if something tragic happens we’ll both go out together, isn’t that comforting?!
Skydiving Instructor: Not really! (They jump, with Coworker 1 laughing and Skydiving Instructor guiding them and praying all the way down; they arrive back on Earth, intact)
Coworker 1: Yippee, let’s do that again!
Skydiving Instructor: Sure, if you’ve got another $300.00.
Coworker 1: Let’s do that again some other time! (Separates their harness and rolls around on the ground in glee) I feel so alive, hooray!
Skydiving Instructor: That’s great – listen, I’ve got to get back for the next customer’s once-in-a-lifetime experience, so could you speed this up a bit?
SUNDAY EVENING
(Coworker 1 curls up on the living room couch with a book and blanket; gentle music is playing in the background and lit candles are everywhere)
Coworker 1: (Engrossed in the novel) Aw, those two finally got together, that feels so fulfilling. (Suddenly looks up and around) Wait a minute, I’m forgetting something aren’t I?... Of course! Chocolate! (Springs off the couch to whip up a hot chocolate bomb that’s all the rage this season, then sinks back onto the couch while smacking lips after the first sip) Ahhhhhhh, I have never felt so satisfied in my entire life since the time before I was kicked out of the womb.
MONDAY MORNING
(Coworker 1 wakes in dread, eats breakfast in dread, rides the train in dread, walks to the office in dread, and approaches Manager’s desk in dread)
Coworker 1: Hi.
Manager: Oh hi, did you have a good weekend?
Coworker 1: The best. How about you?
Manager: Eh, it was all right – had to spend some of it finishing up the presentation for today.
Coworker 1: About that....
Manager: Yeah?
Coworker 1: Did you get my e-mail on Friday?
Manager: Oh yeah, I wrote back but you’d probably already left for the day – it’s OK you forgot that one section, turns out we don’t really need it for this so it’s no big deal.
Coworker 1: …Oh. Really?
Manager: Yeah, the rest of it can do without it so it doesn’t matter. You OK?
Coworker 1: I’m fine, why do you ask?
Manager: Well, you looked like you’ve been thinking all weekend I’d take your head off or something like that.
Coworker 1: The thought never crossed my mind.
