Story 305: Holding Onto August 31

AUGUST 24

            (On a beach, two siblings are lounging on chairs close to the ocean)

            Sibling 1: (Sighs) Man, I’m bummed.

           Sibling 2: How’s that?  Isn’t this one of the pinnacles of relaxation: lying in front of soothing waves, thinking of nothing?

           Sibling 1: Yeah, but I’m not thinking of nothing, am I?  I’m thinking of how summer’s over next week.

            Sibling 2: No it isn’t – summer isn’t over until the Autumnal Equinox on September 23.

           Sibling 1: Technically, but just as summer unofficially begins on Memorial Day in May, it also unofficially ends on Labor Day in September.  All the fun shore venues close up shop, the beaches become do-not-enter zones, the tourists cease their mass migration oceanward, and the dreaded s-word is set to begin all over again that week.

            Sibling 2: S-word?

         Sibling 1: School.  The children must report for duty by Thursday the latest and bid their carefree lives farewell for yet another 9.75 months.

            Sibling 2: Yeah, but you don’t have to go to school anymore, so what do you care?

            Sibling 1: I endured that ordeal for too many years to ever get over it.

            Sibling 2: Whatever.

           Sibling 1: Whatever indeed – at any rate, for me, summer truly ends the second that September begins.

            Sibling 2: And that’s not even for another week, so just enjoy today and stop nattering on the inevitable.  “Don’t be sad it’s over, be happy it happened,” or however the saying goes.

            Sibling 1: I guess.  (Gnaws lip in thought) Or….

            Sibling 2: (Temporarily distracted by the waves) Hm?

            Sibling 1: Or… something can be done about it.

            Sibling 2: What, you mean like declaring an extra federal holiday?

            Sibling 1: No, I’m thinking of something a big further-reaching.  And more permanent.

            Sibling 2: Such as…?

            Sibling 1: You’ll see.  (Turns to the side to snuggle into the beach chair) Yes, it’ll all be sorted out nicely.

            Sibling 2: I don’t like the sound of that.

AUGUST 31

            Sibling 1: (On the phone) Hi!  Have any good plans for today?

            Sibling 2: Yes, actually – some errands first, but then going out to the boardwalk with the fam and dinner and ice cream later.  What about you?

          Sibling 1: Theme park all day, quick meeting to close the deal, then watching the sunset closely to make sure it takes.

            Sibling 2: Wait, what?

            Sibling 1: Enjoy your day!

            Sibling 2: Oh… kaaaayyyyy….

AUGUST 31

            Sibling 1: (On the phone) Goooooood – morning!  Have any wonderful plans for this glorious day?

            Sibling 2: (Groggy) Uh, yes, actually, I think – some errands, and….

            Sibling 1: Boardwalk with the fam and then dinner and ice cream later?

            Sibling 2: Yeah… how did you – ?

            Sibling 1: Just intuition.  Enjoy your day!

            Sibling 2: Thanks…. Hey, wait, what’re you doing today?

            Sibling 1: Reveling in all the glory that is Endless Summer.

            Sibling 2: Tomorrow is September, you know.

            Sibling 1: Oh, is it?

AUGUST 31

            Sibling 1: (On the phone) Howdy-howdy-howdy!  Any exciting, fantastic, splendiferous plans for this magnificent day of days?

            Sibling 2: All right, now I know we’ve had this conversation already – what is going on?!

            Sibling 1: Whatever do you mean, love?

            Sibling 2: For one thing, you’re never this happy!

            Sibling 1: Point taken.

            Sibling 2: I can’t believe I’m even asking this: are we all reliving the same day, over and over again?!

            Sibling 1: (Giggles) You weren’t supposed to notice.

            Sibling 2: What have you done?!

          Sibling 1: Let’s just say I made an arrangement with a certain party who has influence over such things.

          Sibling 2: What?!  Did you sell your soul to the Devil like we’re all specifically told not to do?!

          Sibling 1: Ewgh, no, nothing that banal.  Let’s just say I ensured certain conditions were met –

          Sibling 2: You know what: forget it, I don’t even want to know the details because I might incriminate myself later, just – put it back!

            Sibling 1: Put what back?

            Sibling 2: The day!  The calendar!  Earth’s orbit!  The space-time continuum!

            Sibling 1: But why would I want to do that?

            Sibling 2: Because this is wrong!

           Sibling 1: How so?  You have a great day ahead planned, all the damage we humans have done to the planet and outer space is now suspended and literally can’t get any worse, and I know for a fact only tiny natural disasters occur today, so why end it?  We’re all happy as we are right now, aren’t we?

            Sibling 2: (Through gritted teeth) I’m sure there’s a significant percentage of beings here who are having an absolutely terrible day, and now have to go through it all again and again and again!

           Sibling 1: Oh.  Well, that unfortunately will always be the case – I pray their sufferings are brief.

            Sibling 2: You’ve condemned us all to a never-ending day!

            Sibling 1: A wonderful never-ending day.  The last day of summer, which now will be the only day as far as we’re all concerned.  And on that note, have a great day!

          Sibling 2: I won’t now, and I never will!  And you realize that it’s only summer for the Northern Hemisphere, right?  You’re prolonging the last day of winter for everyone else!

Sibling 1: Umm…

Sibling 2: This day is completely ruined – change it back!

            Sibling 1: (Chuckles) Now, now, you just need to get yourself acclimated to your new reality.  Why don’t you mix it up a little – you already did all that boardwalk whatchamacallit stuff today, so why not try something you’ve never done before, like family kickboxing lessons, or cliff diving?

          Sibling 2: I’m hanging up now, and when I wake up tomorrow it had better be tomorrow!

            Sibling 1: You sound just like Mom.

AUGUST 31

            Sibling 2: (On the phone) What the –

            Sibling 1: Look, don’t be mad –

            Sibling 2: Too late for that!

            Sibling 1: I thought maybe if you gave it once more chance –

            Sibling 2: CHANGE.  IT.  BACK!

            Sibling 1: Grumpy.  What you need is a summer vacation – (The call disconnects)

SEPTEMBER 1

           Sibling 1: (On the phone) Hi.  You happy now?  It’s your precious September, and it’s cold and damp and cloudy and everything.

            Sibling 2: Yes.  I am very happy, and I’m sure the space-time continuum is, too.

            Sibling 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Whelp, summer’s over, my life is miserable yet again, and it’s all downhill from here.

            Sibling 2: Look on the bright side: you get it all back in May.

            Sibling 1: Yippee – I could be dead by then.

            Sibling 2: Always the optimist.

            Sibling 1: Still, I suppose it could be worse.

            Sibling 2: How so?

           Sibling 1: I could be stuck living in one of the Poles, South or North.  There it wouldn’t matter what month it is: every day of the year would be Endless Winter.

Story 277: The Lazier I Am, the Lazier I Get

            (In a café)

            Friend 1: (Slowly chews a muffin and watches Friend 2 working while surrounded by piles of paper and handheld devices) What’re you doing?

            Friend 2: Oh, work.  Work-work-work-work-work.

            Friend 1: The category was obvious – I was referring to the specifics.

            Friend 2: It’s prep for tonight.

            Friend 1: But you just got off your shift; you pulling a split-double or something?

            Friend 2: No, I have a class tonight.

            Friend 1: But you graduated years ago.

            Friend 2: I’m teaching a class tonight.

            Friend 1: Oh.  (Takes another bite from the muffin) I didn’t know you taught on top of saving lives all day long.

            Friend 2: (Stares at Friend 1) I’ve had this class for years, where have you been?

            Friend 1: Guess not paying enough attention.  (Finishes muffin and sighs) Sounds exhausting.

         Friend 2: (Continuously writing notes) Yeah, no kidding.  Deal with unhappy patients and unhappy doctors and unhappy staff members by day, lecture how great it is to be a nurse to the next generation of unhappy students by night.

            Friend 1: (Slowly sips a milkshake) Right, and then you got the spouse and spawn at home.

            Friend 2: Don’t get me started!

            Friend 1: OK.  So how are you – ?

          Friend 2: (Drops pen) You know, my kids never once clean up after themselves?  I tell them and I punish them and they still don’t do it.  I swear, a cuckoo bird snuck their children into my house and my real ones are out there somewhere, being tidy and proper.  Although I have to admit, they do work hard in school; I have some glimmer of hope to hold onto.

            Friend 1: (Staring in disbelief, then shaking it off) Yeah, I gave up after I finished school for good.

            Friend 2: Clearly.  (Returns to notes)

           Friend 1: Once I stopped being graded, I faced a big old “Now what?”  Did you know that I used to go to school full time, work part time, and was an active member in three clubs when I was in college?

            Friend 2: (Looks up over glasses) You?!

            Friend 1: (Begins picking at fries) Hard to believe, I know.

            Friend 2: So what happened?

           Friend 1: (Stretches a bit) Inertia?  I guess, deep down inside, there was a lazy lump just biding its time, waiting to emerge from the cocoon of me.

          Friend 2: I don’t believe it.  How could you go from doing everything to doing almost-nothing?

          Friend 1: Surprisingly easily.  Once you stop doing one thing for good, you find yourself less inclined to do another, then another, then another, until one day you’re lying in bed on a Saturday morning, staring at the ceiling, thinking “Hmmmmm.”

            Friend 2: Whatever; I think that was just what you let happen to yourself.

            Friend 1: Could happen to any of us [slurp].

            Friend 2: So why don’t you, I don’t know, go volunteer for a worthy cause?

            Friend 1: Don’t feel like it.

           Friend 2: Fine – why don’t you take up yoga or kickboxing or something else aggressive and healthy?

            Friend 1: Don’t feel like it.

           Friend 2: OK, why don’t you go travelling around the world and skydive and all that stuff?

          Friend 1: Don’t feel like it.  Plus don’t have the money, for obvious reasons.  (Begins crunching on potato chips and speaks through a full mouth) I’m surprised I had the energy to come here today – I was napping on the couch until about 10 minutes before I left.

           Friend 2: Then you have some issues going on that you need to work out – I’m just thankful this’ll never happen to me.

            Friend 1: Ha.

         Friend 2: I’m serious!  I’m so busy now I can’t even find time for me; there’ll always be something to do.

           Friend 1: Just you wait: the inertia creeps up on you and you won’t even notice you’ve been consumed until one day you’re in that recliner, too tired to go to bed.

           Friend 2: Now that’s just lazy; as for me, I – (Phone rings) Excuse me; hello?... Oh, that’s fine, sure.  You want me to – ?... OK, maybe next semester, then.  Bye.  (Disconnects)  My class is cancelled for the rest of the semester – they discontinued the course because it was redundant.  (The two stare at each other) My weeknights are now completely free….

            Friend 1: And so it begins.

           Friend 2: It does not!  (Begins frantically gathering supplies off the table and stuffing them into a messenger bag) I just have some unexpected free time for myself, at long last, like a normal 40-hour-a-week person!  And I can find another class to teach, but for now I can relax without turning into a couch potato like you!

           Friend 1: If you say so.  Next will be the kids finally start cleaning up after themselves and taking over more household responsibilities – then your work hours will get sliced due to budget cuts – then your weekends running around will have less and less chores to fill them – you better take a second job as a department store cashier or find a relative who needs 24-hour home care, else you just may become a sedentary sack of flesh.

            Friend 2: (Covers ears) No!  I will never be like you!  I have purpose and meaning in my life!  (Runs out of the café)

          Friend 1: (Focuses attention on slowly slicing up a brownie) The lure of mediocrity sucks us all in eventually.