Story 476: How Easy It Is to Not Do Something

(On the phone)

Sibling 1: Hey, whatcha doing?

Sibling 2: Oh, not much, just taking the kids to school soon, then gotta get to work for the next eight-and-a-half hours, plus squeeze in food shopping somewhere between the end of my shift and picking the kids up from school, and cooking –

Sibling 1: That’s great; I need your advice on something.

Sibling 2: Sure, go ahead.

Sibling 1: I’ve got this huge mess in the apartment that’s really just the smaller messes joining forces into one giant horde, and it’s been hanging over me that I should do something about it, and I don’t know, what do you think?

Sibling 2: …Seriously?!

Sibling 1: It’s really bothering me.

Sibling 2: (Sighs) I dunno, maybe just throw everything out at this point.

Sibling 1: Now that’s plain wasteful.  And I might want to keep a few things that’re hiding at the bottom.

Sibling 2: Then just tackle it a bit at a time and go through what you want to keep and want you can get rid of.

Sibling 1: (Whines) But that’ll take forever!

Sibling 2: Fine, you’ve gone this long living with it so keep on not doing anything about it then; the world won’t end.

Sibling 1: Really?  It won’t?

Sibling 2: (Sighs again) Yes, it’ll only actually end as the sun expands into a red giant.  I’m hanging up now.  (Ends the call)

Sibling 1: (Staring into the middle distance) The world won’t end if I don’t do a thing….

(At a department store)

Supervisor (To Sibling 1): Hey – you gonna get around to taking care of the reshelves sometime tonight or what?

Sibling 1: (Was zoned out while leaning against a fixture) Eh?

Supervisor: I said, we’ve got a leaning tower of reshelves – you gonna put those away anytime soon?

Sibling 1: That sounds different from what you said the first time.

Supervisor: And?!

Sibling 1: And I’ll get right on those. 

Supervisor: (Smiles tightly) Thank you.  (Mutters while walking away) Weirdo slacker.

Sibling 1: (Resumes zoning out) Eventually….

(In Sibling 1’s apartment)

Sibling 1: (While opening mail, reads a notice) “Please reply with your donation in seven days” – or else what?  (Tosses the letter onto the giant mess pile and opens another) “Please remit payment for this bill in seven days” – or else what?  (Tosses the letter onto the giant mess pile and opens another) “Please submit your annual tax return in seven days” – or else what?  (Tosses the letter onto the giant mess pile, which heaves as it expands once again)

(At a café)

Sibling 2: (Enters in a rush, sees Sibling 2 at a table, and heads over there to sit) Hey, sorry I’m late: had to take the dog to the vet, and then start the turkey and hors d’ouevres and sheet cake for the party tonight –

Sibling 1: Yeah, sounds fun – I picked us up coffee and muffins, but that was a chore, let me tell you.  (Slides over Sibling 2’s drink and dish)

Sibling 2: How’s that?  (Blow vigorously on the coffee and proceeds to down it)

Sibling 1: Well, I took your advice and cut a lot of activity out of my life –

Sibling 2: (Mouth full of muffin) Huh?

Sibling 1: – and I’ve been noticing that the less I’ve been doing, the less I want to do.

Sibling 2: Is this about that garbage-dump mess in your apartment?  `Cause I can help you go through all that stuff if you want.

Sibling 1: (Sighs softly and settles even more into the chair) You’re very generous with your time and talent, but the mess and I have reached an understanding.  No, it’s gone way past that now: I’m just finding it easier and easier not to do things I don’t want to do, and I’m suffering few to zero consequences for it so I’m incrementally doing even more… less, if that’s actually possible.

Sibling 2: (Finishes the muffin) Heh, lucky.

Sibling 1: Don’t rush to envy: as much of a blessing, `tis also a curse.  There are fewer things I want to do now, and I’m choosing more often not to do them.  I’m surprised I even made it here today.

Sibling 2: Oh no, are you suffering from depression?

Sibling 1: No, nothing that legitimate: I’m just incredibly lazy.

Sibling 2: Oh.  Then get over it.

Sibling 1: That would require actual effort on my part, and my current lifestyle is the complete opposite of that.

Sibling 2: (Checks wristwatch, stands, and grabs wallet) Well, this was lovely – I gotta go make sure the kids are done cleaning the house and then finish what they missed, so good luck with your newfound life of leisure, I’m sure you’ll have a wonderfully miserable time.  (Tosses some money on the table) I assume you somehow managed to stir yourself enough to pay the cashier, so here’s my half.  I’m going back to my nonstop life now, byyyeeee!!!  (Takes the coffee cup and dish to deposit them at the garbage area, and leaves in a rush)

Sibling 1: (Stares at the money, coffee, and muffin) But it’s so easy not to do something; no effort at all.

Employee: (Wipes down Sibling 2’s side of the table) Not to hurry you out, but we’ve got a line of people waiting to sit and you’ve been here almost an hour, just saying.  (Moves on to wipe down other occupied tables)

Sibling 1: (Sighs again and gently picks at the mostly-intact muffin) So easy….

Story 277: The Lazier I Am, the Lazier I Get

            (In a café)

            Friend 1: (Slowly chews a muffin and watches Friend 2 working while surrounded by piles of paper and handheld devices) What’re you doing?

            Friend 2: Oh, work.  Work-work-work-work-work.

            Friend 1: The category was obvious – I was referring to the specifics.

            Friend 2: It’s prep for tonight.

            Friend 1: But you just got off your shift; you pulling a split-double or something?

            Friend 2: No, I have a class tonight.

            Friend 1: But you graduated years ago.

            Friend 2: I’m teaching a class tonight.

            Friend 1: Oh.  (Takes another bite from the muffin) I didn’t know you taught on top of saving lives all day long.

            Friend 2: (Stares at Friend 1) I’ve had this class for years, where have you been?

            Friend 1: Guess not paying enough attention.  (Finishes muffin and sighs) Sounds exhausting.

         Friend 2: (Continuously writing notes) Yeah, no kidding.  Deal with unhappy patients and unhappy doctors and unhappy staff members by day, lecture how great it is to be a nurse to the next generation of unhappy students by night.

            Friend 1: (Slowly sips a milkshake) Right, and then you got the spouse and spawn at home.

            Friend 2: Don’t get me started!

            Friend 1: OK.  So how are you – ?

          Friend 2: (Drops pen) You know, my kids never once clean up after themselves?  I tell them and I punish them and they still don’t do it.  I swear, a cuckoo bird snuck their children into my house and my real ones are out there somewhere, being tidy and proper.  Although I have to admit, they do work hard in school; I have some glimmer of hope to hold onto.

            Friend 1: (Staring in disbelief, then shaking it off) Yeah, I gave up after I finished school for good.

            Friend 2: Clearly.  (Returns to notes)

           Friend 1: Once I stopped being graded, I faced a big old “Now what?”  Did you know that I used to go to school full time, work part time, and was an active member in three clubs when I was in college?

            Friend 2: (Looks up over glasses) You?!

            Friend 1: (Begins picking at fries) Hard to believe, I know.

            Friend 2: So what happened?

           Friend 1: (Stretches a bit) Inertia?  I guess, deep down inside, there was a lazy lump just biding its time, waiting to emerge from the cocoon of me.

          Friend 2: I don’t believe it.  How could you go from doing everything to doing almost-nothing?

          Friend 1: Surprisingly easily.  Once you stop doing one thing for good, you find yourself less inclined to do another, then another, then another, until one day you’re lying in bed on a Saturday morning, staring at the ceiling, thinking “Hmmmmm.”

            Friend 2: Whatever; I think that was just what you let happen to yourself.

            Friend 1: Could happen to any of us [slurp].

            Friend 2: So why don’t you, I don’t know, go volunteer for a worthy cause?

            Friend 1: Don’t feel like it.

           Friend 2: Fine – why don’t you take up yoga or kickboxing or something else aggressive and healthy?

            Friend 1: Don’t feel like it.

           Friend 2: OK, why don’t you go travelling around the world and skydive and all that stuff?

          Friend 1: Don’t feel like it.  Plus don’t have the money, for obvious reasons.  (Begins crunching on potato chips and speaks through a full mouth) I’m surprised I had the energy to come here today – I was napping on the couch until about 10 minutes before I left.

           Friend 2: Then you have some issues going on that you need to work out – I’m just thankful this’ll never happen to me.

            Friend 1: Ha.

         Friend 2: I’m serious!  I’m so busy now I can’t even find time for me; there’ll always be something to do.

           Friend 1: Just you wait: the inertia creeps up on you and you won’t even notice you’ve been consumed until one day you’re in that recliner, too tired to go to bed.

           Friend 2: Now that’s just lazy; as for me, I – (Phone rings) Excuse me; hello?... Oh, that’s fine, sure.  You want me to – ?... OK, maybe next semester, then.  Bye.  (Disconnects)  My class is cancelled for the rest of the semester – they discontinued the course because it was redundant.  (The two stare at each other) My weeknights are now completely free….

            Friend 1: And so it begins.

           Friend 2: It does not!  (Begins frantically gathering supplies off the table and stuffing them into a messenger bag) I just have some unexpected free time for myself, at long last, like a normal 40-hour-a-week person!  And I can find another class to teach, but for now I can relax without turning into a couch potato like you!

           Friend 1: If you say so.  Next will be the kids finally start cleaning up after themselves and taking over more household responsibilities – then your work hours will get sliced due to budget cuts – then your weekends running around will have less and less chores to fill them – you better take a second job as a department store cashier or find a relative who needs 24-hour home care, else you just may become a sedentary sack of flesh.

            Friend 2: (Covers ears) No!  I will never be like you!  I have purpose and meaning in my life!  (Runs out of the café)

          Friend 1: (Focuses attention on slowly slicing up a brownie) The lure of mediocrity sucks us all in eventually.