AUGUST 24
(On
a beach, two siblings are lounging on chairs close to the ocean)
Sibling
1: (Sighs) Man, I’m bummed.
Sibling
2: How’s that? Isn’t this one of the
pinnacles of relaxation: lying in front of soothing waves, thinking of nothing?
Sibling
1: Yeah, but I’m not thinking of nothing, am I?
I’m thinking of how summer’s over next week.
Sibling
2: No it isn’t – summer isn’t over until the Autumnal Equinox on September 23.
Sibling
1: Technically, but just as summer unofficially begins on Memorial Day
in May, it also unofficially ends on Labor Day in September. All the fun shore venues close up shop, the
beaches become do-not-enter zones, the tourists cease their mass migration oceanward,
and the dreaded s-word is set to begin all over again that week.
Sibling
2: S-word?
Sibling
1: School. The children must report for
duty by Thursday the latest and bid their carefree lives farewell for yet another
9.75 months.
Sibling
2: Yeah, but you don’t have to go to school anymore, so what do you
care?
Sibling
1: I endured that ordeal for too many years to ever get over it.
Sibling
2: Whatever.
Sibling
1: Whatever indeed – at any rate, for me, summer truly ends the second that
September begins.
Sibling
2: And that’s not even for another week, so just enjoy today and stop nattering
on the inevitable. “Don’t be sad it’s
over, be happy it happened,” or however the saying goes.
Sibling
1: I guess. (Gnaws lip in thought) Or….
Sibling
2: (Temporarily distracted by the waves) Hm?
Sibling
1: Or… something can be done about it.
Sibling
2: What, you mean like declaring an extra federal holiday?
Sibling
1: No, I’m thinking of something a big further-reaching. And more permanent.
Sibling
2: Such as…?
Sibling
1: You’ll see. (Turns to the side to
snuggle into the beach chair) Yes, it’ll all be sorted out nicely.
Sibling
2: I don’t like the sound of that.
AUGUST 31
Sibling
1: (On the phone) Hi! Have any good
plans for today?
Sibling
2: Yes, actually – some errands first, but then going out to the boardwalk with
the fam and dinner and ice cream later.
What about you?
Sibling
1: Theme park all day, quick meeting to close the deal, then watching the
sunset closely to make sure it takes.
Sibling
2: Wait, what?
Sibling
1: Enjoy your day!
Sibling
2: Oh… kaaaayyyyy….
AUGUST 31
Sibling
1: (On the phone) Goooooood – morning!
Have any wonderful plans for this glorious day?
Sibling
2: (Groggy) Uh, yes, actually, I think – some errands, and….
Sibling
1: Boardwalk with the fam and then dinner and ice cream later?
Sibling
2: Yeah… how did you – ?
Sibling
1: Just intuition. Enjoy your day!
Sibling
2: Thanks…. Hey, wait, what’re you doing today?
Sibling
1: Reveling in all the glory that is Endless Summer.
Sibling
2: Tomorrow is September, you know.
Sibling
1: Oh, is it?
AUGUST 31
Sibling
1: (On the phone) Howdy-howdy-howdy! Any
exciting, fantastic, splendiferous plans for this magnificent day of days?
Sibling
2: All right, now I know we’ve had this conversation already – what is
going on?!
Sibling
1: Whatever do you mean, love?
Sibling
2: For one thing, you’re never this happy!
Sibling
1: Point taken.
Sibling
2: I can’t believe I’m even asking this: are we all reliving the same
day, over and over again?!
Sibling
1: (Giggles) You weren’t supposed to notice.
Sibling
2: What have you done?!
Sibling
1: Let’s just say I made an arrangement with a certain party who has influence
over such things.
Sibling
2: What?! Did you sell your soul to the
Devil like we’re all specifically told not to do?!
Sibling
1: Ewgh, no, nothing that banal. Let’s
just say I ensured certain conditions were met –
Sibling
2: You know what: forget it, I don’t even want to know the details because I
might incriminate myself later, just – put it back!
Sibling
1: Put what back?
Sibling
2: The day! The calendar! Earth’s orbit! The space-time continuum!
Sibling
1: But why would I want to do that?
Sibling
2: Because this is wrong!
Sibling
1: How so? You have a great day ahead
planned, all the damage we humans have done to the planet and outer space is
now suspended and literally can’t get any worse, and I know for a fact only
tiny natural disasters occur today, so why end it? We’re all happy as we are right now, aren’t
we?
Sibling
2: (Through gritted teeth) I’m sure there’s a significant percentage of beings
here who are having an absolutely terrible day, and now have to go
through it all again and again and again!
Sibling
1: Oh. Well, that unfortunately will
always be the case – I pray their sufferings are brief.
Sibling
2: You’ve condemned us all to a never-ending day!
Sibling
1: A wonderful never-ending day.
The last day of summer, which now will be the only day as far as
we’re all concerned. And on that note,
have a great day!
Sibling
2: I won’t now, and I never will! And
you realize that it’s only summer for the Northern Hemisphere, right? You’re prolonging the last day of winter for
everyone else!
Sibling 1: Umm…
Sibling 2: This
day is completely ruined – change it back!
Sibling
1: (Chuckles) Now, now, you just need to get yourself acclimated to your new
reality. Why don’t you mix it up a
little – you already did all that boardwalk whatchamacallit stuff today, so why
not try something you’ve never done before, like family kickboxing lessons, or
cliff diving?
Sibling
2: I’m hanging up now, and when I wake up tomorrow it had better be
tomorrow!
Sibling
1: You sound just like Mom.
AUGUST 31
Sibling
2: (On the phone) What the –
Sibling
1: Look, don’t be mad –
Sibling
2: Too late for that!
Sibling
1: I thought maybe if you gave it once more chance –
Sibling
2: CHANGE. IT. BACK!
Sibling
1: Grumpy. What you need is a summer
vacation – (The call disconnects)
SEPTEMBER 1
Sibling
1: (On the phone) Hi. You happy
now? It’s your precious September, and
it’s cold and damp and cloudy and everything.
Sibling
2: Yes. I am very happy, and I’m sure
the space-time continuum is, too.
Sibling
1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whelp, summer’s
over, my life is miserable yet again, and it’s all downhill from here.
Sibling
2: Look on the bright side: you get it all back in May.
Sibling
1: Yippee – I could be dead by then.
Sibling
2: Always the optimist.
Sibling
1: Still, I suppose it could be worse.
Sibling
2: How so?
Sibling
1: I could be stuck living in one of the Poles, South or North. There it wouldn’t matter what month it
is: every day of the year would be Endless Winter.
