(In a department store office, Manager is completing an interview with Applicant)
Manager: (Seated at a desk across from Applicant) So, I think that covers everything; you were our last eligible candidate for the position and the others were just awful, so the job’s yours if you want it.
Applicant: Really? Wow, thanks! I do, yes – want it, I mean. Thank you!
Manager: You’re welcome. Now, I’ll get all the paperwork sent over to you, but in the meantime, I almost forgot: do you have any questions for me?
Applicant: Yes, as a matter of fact; it’s always a touchy one, I’ve noticed.
Manager: Salary? It’s hourly and abysmal, I’m afraid.
Applicant: (Chuckles and waves dismissively) No, that’s expected; what I want to know about is: (Becomes very serious) vacation.
Manager: What about it?
Applicant: Exactly: what about it?
Manager: You accumulate it over time; what else is there to know?
Applicant: I want precise details: the number of hours each calendar year; how regularly we are allowed to be out; are there certain dates that are completely blocked off; that sort of thing.
Manager: Well, you’ll get a certain number of hours off per hours worked; I’d have to look up what the rates are for your specific position, but do you really need to know now? You haven’t even clocked in for a shift yet.
Applicant: I know, but my time off is precious to me and I plan my vacations years in advance.
Manager: “Years”?
Applicant: Yes: I had an unexpected job change this year so that throws off my schedule a bit, but I fully intend to take my Antarctica cruise as scheduled in November.
Manager: (Raises an eyebrow) That’s less than three months from now.
Applicant: I’m aware, yes.
Manager: And how long is this cruise to the South Pole going to take?
Applicant: Well, factoring in flights to and from, I’m blocking out two weeks.
Manager: Two weeks in a month that includes Thanksgiving?
Applicant: Oh, I should be back in plenty of time before then – who wants to deal with those crowds at the airport?
Manager: You do realize you work in retail where our busy season starts immediately after Halloween?
Applicant: I’m sure you’ll all be fine without me; and I believe I should have accumulated enough hours by then, provided I work seven days a week for the next few months.
Manager: We don’t pay overtime; and you’d run yourself ragged for months for a few weeks of rushing from airplanes to ships and freezing in an area where there’s practically nothing?
Applicant: I wouldn’t say “nothing”: there’s a surprising amount of wildlife in an area most people write off as a barren wasteland of snow. I’m extremely looking forward to witnessing actual penguins in their actual habitat, as long as they’re not eaten by leopard seals right in front of my eyes – I don’t think I’d ever get over it.
Manager: (Sighs and starts typing notes into a computer) Fine, since the trip’s already booked we’ll work something out; you’ll probably have to work a long stretch without any vacation days after that to make up for it, though.
Applicant: That’s all right, as long as I can take my next vacation in March, we’re all good.
Manager: (Stops typing to stare at Applicant) What’s in March?
Applicant: Oh, I randomly got in the habit a few years ago where I celebrate the vernal equinox by hiking a chunk of the Appalachian Trail; I know, a lot of people do it around then too, but it’s just so rejuvenating, a great way to welcome spring. Shouldn’t take me more than a month.
Manager: (Blinks slowly at Applicant) You can take three days.
Applicant: Oh. But I won’t get very far; probably barely make it out of Georgia before I have to head back.
Manager: (Blinks slowly again) Three days.
Applicant: Oh. OK. I’ll cut it short this time, I guess.
Manager: Please do. (Starts typing again)
Applicant: Actually, my ultimate goal is to hike the entire trail, but that takes about five to seven months so I suppose that’ll have to wait until retirement, heh-heh-heh.
Manager: (Mutters while typing) What retirement.
Applicant: What?
Manager: (Stops typing and looks up) What?
Applicant: Well, anyway, after that I plan to spend the spring and summer tubing across all the major rivers in the country – probably need a bunch of (Does air quotes) “three-day weekends” tacked onto whichever days I’m scheduled off each week here –
Manager: (Turns away from the computer to lean on the desk, facing Applicant) Listen, you really should prioritize actually working here first before you start planning extra time off, hm? You’ll be in a provisional period in the beginning, so you’ll have to demonstrate that you can do the job before you even start earning the extra hours off here.
Applicant: Oh yeah, no sweat: I just want to make sure that it’s guaranteed I can get away from it all at regular intervals. If not, that’s a dealbreaker, I’m afraid.
Manager: Strange: those who apply to work here usually are more concerned with – oh, I don’t know – a living wage, health insurance, things like that.
Applicant: (Thinks on this for a moment) I suppose most people are fixated on such minutiae, yes. Personally, all I need to know is how soon and how often I get my allotted “me time”.
Manager: Life isn’t all about vacation, you know.
Applicant: More’s the pity.