FRIDAY
(On the living room floor in house, Sibling 2 is rolling up clothes into teeny-tiny balls and shoving as many of them as possible into an average-sized suitcase)
Sibling 2: (Using entire body to push the giant pile into all available spaces and then shove the cover down on top) C’mon…. (Quickly zips up the bulging suitcase) Yes! Ha! (Suddenly sees a toiletry bag and a pair of dress shoes that were on the floor just out-of-sight) Dangit! (Starts unzipping the suitcase, then stops to check a text message alert, eyes widening while reading) Oh no – oh no – oh no-no-no-no-no – (Interrupted by the phone ringing, Sibling 2 hesitates slightly before answering it) Hiiiii – oh, there they go. (Stares at the clothes balls that escaped from the suitcase)
Sibling 1: (Reclined on a couch in an apartment, watching TV and eating potato chips) Huh?
Sibling 2: Never mind – what’s up?
Sibling 1: Not much, just wondering if you’re not busy this weekend and wanted to hang out.
Sibling 2: (Props phone onto shoulder against ear to shove clothes back into the suitcase) Ha-ha, you’re hilarious.
Sibling 1: (Chews) Naw, I mean it – I’m actually off on Saturday and got nothing planned, so you wanna go out to the arcade or the movies or something?
Sibling 2: (Freezes in disbelief) Are you serious right now?!
Sibling 1: (Dumps the rest of the bag’s contents into mouth) Of course. Nothing different than what we normally do, though it is a little last-minute, sorry.
Sibling 2: (Slowly stands and speaks with control) Tomorrow, you’re driving me to the airport for me to get to the cruise ship. For my vacation, that I’ve been planning for over a year.
Sibling 1: (Freezes mid-chew, then swallows) That’s tomorrow?
Sibling 2: YES!
Sibling 1: Guess that’s why I’m off from work then, huh.
Sibling 2: I guess so!
Sibling 1: Ah jeez, I thought it was next month, you know, since it’s an end-of-summer vacation and all that.
Sibling 2: This week is the end of summer! Unofficially.
Sibling 1: (Leans very far back over an arm of the couch to peer at a wall calendar in the kitchen, then returns to reclining) Oh yeah – time flies.
Sibling 2: You know, I would say “Unbelievable”, but knowing you, it is believable, and I think the word I’m really looking for is “Typical”.
Sibling 1: (Rips open a bag of popcorn and starts working on that) Whelp, no harm, no foul: now it’s ingrained in my mind to pick you up for the airport run tomorrow – 3 p.m., right?
Sibling 2: (Sighs in relief) Yes, thank you, I do appreciate it. I’d drive myself if the parking fees didn’t cost almost as much as the flight.
Sibling 1: Yeah – I’d even fly you myself if my pilot’s license hadn’t been revoked. [Crunch-crunch]
Sibling 2: (Resumes struggling with the suitcase) I don’t even wanna go there. This trip is costing me a fortune just getting there and back, so I hope it’s worth it.
Sibling 1: Well, I’m glad you’re finally going on this trip; you’ve been wanting to go for years.
Sibling 2: Yeah, I kept letting things get in the way, and then one day I realized I’m not getting any younger and there’ll eventually be a point where I can’t go on trips like this anymore, so I’d better stop putting it off, you know?
Sibling 1: Definitely! We’re all born with a ticking clock: we just don’t know when it’ll wind down, or if something’ll smash it instead.
Sibling 2: That’s… profoundly disturbing.
Sibling 1: OR: disturbingly profound.
Sibling 2: OK, enough of that: the point is, with the plane costs and the hotel costs and the cruise costs and the excursion costs and all the other costs along the way, I gotta save where I can, although the house sitting part was an unexpected add-on I almost forgot about, and now I just got a message with a last-minute cancellation and I’ve gotta scramble to find someone else. (Shoves shoes into the suitcase toe-first)
Sibling 1: Hold on: “house sitting”? (Slurps a drink through a straw)
Sibling 2: Yeah, since I’m gonna be away for over a week, I got some service to take care of the lawn and the plants and make sure the place doesn’t get robbed and all that. At least I did, up until right before you called about five minutes ago. (Sits on the closed suitcase to zip it up again)
Sibling 1: (Sits up with a furrowed brow) And you’re paying someone to do that?!
Sibling 2: (Stops zipping) Yes…?
Sibling 1: Dude! Why?! I’d do it for you for free!
Sibling 2: (Fidgets with the zipper) Uh, well, I didn’t want to ask, I know you’re busy –
Sibling 1: Not too busy for my own flesh and blood! And outside of work, I’m really not busy, ever.
Sibling 2: (Fidgeting with the suitcase locks) Well, that’s OK, you’re already doing the airport bit, I didn’t want to bother you with the house too, or bother Mom and Dad, either.
Sibling 1: (Stands and paces in excitement) Nonsense! It’ll be a vacation for me also, away from the mundanity of my humdrum life! Just give me a list of what you were gonna have the other folks do and I’ll take care of everything! Ooh, this’ll be so much fun!
Sibling 2: Uh, I don’t know….
Sibling 1: (Stops pacing) What, you don’t think I can handle it?
Sibling 2: Well, frankly, you didn’t even remember I was going away tomorrow when you are the one taking me there!
Sibling 1: (Waves a hand dismissively) Oh, that – I remembered in general, I just lost track of the specifics. Now, it’s all settled: get your money back for getting cancelled on, put it toward souvenirs for yourself, and write up what you want me to do at the house and make sure there’s enough dessert that I can get to and I’ll handle the rest, all right, OK, byeeeeeee!!!! (Ends the call, skips to the bedroom, and throws clothes into an overnight bag)
Sibling 2: (Tosses the phone onto the rug and slumps off the suitcase) I may regret this.
SATURDAY
(At an airport drop-off lane for departures, Sibling 1 forces Sibling 2’s car into a space between a giant truck and a giant van)
Sibling 1: (Gets out of the driver side and stares at a plane taking off while Sibling 2 dashes out of the passenger side to grab the bursting suitcase and a carry-on bag from the trunk) You ever wonder why it’s called an “airport” and not an “airplane port”?
Sibling 2: (Pauses briefly while hoisting out the suitcase) What?
Sibling 1: I mean, there’s “train station”; why not “airplane station”? We’re not flying, the planes are. And it sounds like it’s a port made up of air rather than a port to the air.
Sibling 2: (Slams the trunk door shut) Yeah, I’m not gonna miss this while I’m gone. You’ll be OK getting home?
Sibling 1: Oh yeah, it’s just rush hour on the turnpike – I tune that all out.
Sibling 2: Thought so. (They hug, then Sibling 2 starts heading over to one of the entrance doors) I’ll let you know when I get there!
Sibling 1: Thanks! Have a great time! And don’t worry about a thing here while you’re gone! (Waves at Sibling 2)
Sibling 2: (Waves back with a grimace) Thanks! (Turns away and mutters) I’ll try not to.
(On the line for Security, Sibling 2 is almost up to the screening section when the cell phone rings)
Sibling 2: (Answering the call; in a low voice) Hi, everything OK? You back at the house yet?
Sibling 1: (On the phone at Sibling 2’s front door) Yeah, everything’s fine – just wondering where you leave your house key?
Sibling 2: (Closes eyes in exasperation) I gave you a house key years ago.
Sibling 1: Hm? Oh yeah, that’s… somewhere, so I’m looking for the key you leave here, like under a fake rock or a fake tree or something like that.
Sibling 2: (Grinding teeth) I never leave a key under a fake anything.
Sibling 1: Got it. You didn’t board yet, right?
Sibling 2: No…?!
Sibling 1: Great – I’ll pop back over there in about an hour and you can just toss the key you used earlier over the security rope –
Sibling 2: (Extremely calm) Go to Mom and Dad and get their key, OK?
Sibling 1: Eh, I don’t want them pitying me.
Sibling 2: I don’t care!
Sibling 1: Well I do.
Sibling 2: You – !
Sibling 1: (Suddenly pulls out a giant ring of keys from a pants pocket) Oh, wait, never mind, key’s right here, forgot I had this whole thing.
Sibling 2: (Grinding teeth again) Are you sure?
Sibling 1: You bet! (Props phone on shoulder against ear and starts flipping through the many keys, one by one) It’s alllllll under control….
Sibling 2: Good. Good-bye. (Ends the call, then turns to a security agent at a counter) House-sitting family member.
Security Agent: You have my sympathies.
SUNDAY
(Text messages)
Sibling 2:
1:30 a.m.
I landed!
Sibling 1:
1:30 a.m.
Great!
1:31 a.m.
Sorry if I woke you!
1:31 a.m.
Nope, I’m up!
Have a good night, then!
1:32 a.m.
Hah, you mean morning, don’t you? LOL
1:32 a.m.
I have no idea what time it is
right now
1:33 a.m.
Know the feeling. Sleep well, and have fun!
1:33 a.m.
Thanks!
9:45 a.m.
Almost forgot – did you set
the alarm before you went to bed?
9:46 a.m.
You awake?
9:47 a.m.
….
9:48 a.m.
Are you OK?
9:48 a.m.
K
9:49 a.m.
Read my earlier message again
when you’re fully conscious – I’m
off to dinner, bye!
10:10 a.m.
K
MONDAY
(Sibling 2 is on an upper deck of a cruise ship as it slowly leaves port at the start of the voyage, leaning on a railing while taking in the view, and then the dials Sibling 1 for a video call)
Sibling 2: Hi! Sorry, are you at work?
Sibling 1: (Holding the phone extremely close up) Not until tonight! Where are you now?
Sibling 2: We’re off! (Pans the phone around to show the receding shoreline and the open sea)
Sibling 1: Wow, the water there is so blue!
Sibling 2: (Faces the phone back to self) I know, right? I’ll take lots of pictures so it’ll almost be like you’re here!
Sibling 1: Great, `cause I’m sure as heck never getting myself out there!
Sibling 2: Heh, yeah. So, how’s everything at the old homestead?
Sibling 1: (Distractedly) Oh, it’s all good, all good….
Sibling 2: Is anything wrong?
Sibling 1: Oh no, not “wrong”, per se….
Sibling 2: But…?
Sibling 1: Well, while we’re on the subject of water – hypothetically speaking, if there was, say… a leak somewhere –
Sibling 2: (Closes eyes and lowers head) Oh no.
Sibling 1: Totally not my hypothetical fault, by the way, but if there was, what kind of person would you call if something like that were to may or may not happen, say?
Sibling 2: (Wearily raises head) A plumber.
Sibling 1: Yes, that’s what I thought – and the number for such a person would be…?
Sibling 2: On the list that’s posted on the fridge.
Sibling 1: Right! Well, good to know on the off-chance I ever need to call such an individual – which I shouldn’t! (A towel briefly crosses the screen)
Sibling 2: Just turn the shut-off valve on whatever’s the nearest pipe to the issue and send me the bill later.
Sibling 1: Oh good, thanks – I mean, don’t think about anything here at all, and focus on the great time you’re having on the party ship, bye-bye-bye! (Ends the call with an off-screen splash)
(Sibling 2 pockets the phone with a sigh and leans head against the railing)
Server: (Holds a tray of glasses out to Sibling 2) Drink?
Sibling 2: (Looks up at Server) No thanks, but right now I wish I did.
WEDNESDAY
(On a beach, Sibling 2 stares at the gentle waves from a lounge chair)
Sibling 2: That really is a lot of blue…. (Phone rings; Sibling 2 sits up suddenly and answers) Oh no, what now?
Sibling 1: What, I can’t call just to say “Hi”?
Sibling 2: Not when I’m supposed to be relaxing, and you never call just to say “Hi”.
Sibling 1: True – who does, anyway?
Sibling 2: So, what disaster now?
Sibling 1: Worst case scenario there; I’m only curious where you get your ice cream, that’s all.
Sibling 2: …There was a full gallon in the freezer.
Sibling 1: Yes. There was.
Sibling 2: I’m sure you’ll figure out how to go on – bye. (Ends the call and lies back down with eyes closed) I’ll be shocked if there’s any food left in the house by the time I get back.
FRIDAY
(Sibling 2 walks through hills of ruins, pondering the ephemerality of life, when the cell phone rings)
Sibling 2: (Sighs) Almost wish I didn’t spring for the international plan and just stayed on radio silence this whole time. (Answers the phone) Everything OK?
Sibling 1: What makes you think something’s wrong?
Sibling 2: Gee, I don’t know, precedence?!
Sibling 1: OK, you got me there. Where are you now?
Sibling 2: Surrounded by an ancient city destroyed by time, and at the moment wishing I could join them.
Sibling 1: Hilarious. Weather there nice?
Sibling 2: Very hot, but there’s a breeze from the sea every so often.
Sibling 1: Oh good: enjoy it.
Sibling 2: That sounds ominous: why?
Sibling 1: Because by my count, back home we’ve had 15 thunderstorms in seven days, 11 of which have flooded pretty much everything.
Sibling 2: The house flooded?!
Sibling 1: What? Oh no, the house is fine – everything else around here flooded though, including my car.
Sibling 2: What about my car?
Sibling 1: Haven’t touched it – it’s high up the driveway so it should be fine.
Sibling 2: “Haven’t touched”…? I asked you to take it out around the block by Wednesday!
Sibling 1: What, like out for a walk?
Sibling 2: For a drive, doofus! I don’t want a dead battery by the time I get back! It was on the list you told me to give you!
Sibling 1: …Oh right, guess I missed that one.
Sibling 2: It’s OK, just – wait, if it’s been constantly pouring rain like you said, I hope you also ignored the part that said to water the plants every other day?
Sibling 1: …Oh my, I see a neighbor needing their car bailed out on the street, gotta go! (Ends the call)
Sibling 2: (To the ruins) Can I stay here? (The phone rings again; Sibling 2 answers) What.
Sibling 1: Almost forgot – reason I called: if, hypothetically speaking, there was an oversight one night where the side gate was left open, about how many furry creatures of varying sizes and temperaments are you comfortable with hanging out in the backyard? In theory?
Sibling 2: …I’m going back to hanging out with a fallen civilization now – bye. (Ends the call and pockets the phone, then looks out to the horizon) Sing in me, Muse, of helpless relatives….
SATURDAY
(Text messages)
Sibling 2:
10:30 p.m.
I landed!
Sibling 1:
10:30 p.m.
Yay! Glad that all went well and you’re
back safe and sound!
10:31 p.m.
Yes, thankfully! So, I should be
done with Customs and getting
my luggage in about an hour, so
I’ll wait where you originally
dropped me off, probably by
11:30, OK?
10:32 p.m.
….
10:33 p.m.
You forgot you also have to
PICK ME UP FROM
THE AIRPORT, didn’t you
10:34 p.m.
OF COURSE NOT!!!
10:34 p.m.
Uh huh
10:35 p.m.
Hypothetically speaking, which airport
10:35 p.m.
I have to deplane now –
check the flight details
I sent you and I’ll call
when I’m outside – bye
SEVERAL HOURS LATER
(Back at Sibling 2’s house, the suitcase and carry-on bag are tossed aside on the living room floor as Sibling 1 and Sibling 2 collapse on opposite ends of the couch)
Sibling 2: I don’t think I’ve ever been so drained after getting away from it all.
Sibling 1: Hm. But you had a good time, though.
Sibling 2: I had a great time. I’ll tell you all about it and show you photos when I’ve fully reset from the jet lag.
Sibling 1: Cool.
Sibling 2: And I got you some extra souvenirs for watching the house and driving me to and from the airport and all that.
Sibling 1: Sweet. You didn’t have to, though.
Sibling 2: Yes I did.
Sibling 1: Well, sorry I turned out not to be the best back-up house sitter, but I managed not to burn the place down, so there’s that.
Sibling 2: That you did… not. (Sighs in contentment and looks around the living room) After such a nice trip, it’s good to be back. (Chuckles) Kind of afraid to look at how much mail’s waiting for me, though.
Sibling 1: (Eyes widen) Be right back – forgot something in the car. (Runs out of the room)
Sibling 2: (Closes eyes and smiles as the front door opens and there are noises of scrambling and falling items by the mailbox) Yep – good to be back.