NOVEMBER 5
(In a café, Parent 1, Parent 2, and Parent 3 sit at a small round table, hastily downing gingerbread lattes)
Parent 1: I’m so proud of myself this year: I finished all my Christmas shopping today, and it’s not even anywhere near December yet!
Parent 2: Ha! I finished mine before Halloween!
Parent 3: Amateurs: I finished my Christmas and Hanukkah shopping the day after New Year’s.
Parent 1 and Parent 2: Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhh….
Parent 1: So, that’s it? We have almost two whole months with no extra running around to stores and tracking down sales online, trying to find the last item in stock and freaking out that everything’s late?
Parent 2: I think so!
Parent 3: I don’t know – I feel like we’re missing something.
Parent 1: Something?
Parent 2: Missing?
Parent 3: You know, something major; something between Halloween and Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa. Can’t put my finger on it, though.
Parent 1, Parent 2, and Parent 3: Hmmmmm….. (All three take a ponderous sip)
NOVEMBER 12
Parent 4: (In a kitchen making cookies while talking to a cell phone lying on the counter; every singer’s Christmas/Winter album plays on the radio in the background) And yes, children are a blessing, don’t get me wrong, but when you reach a certain number of them under the age of 18 within the near-immediate family, you just get to the point where you say, “Everyone’s getting gift cards, I don’t care.”
Parent 5: (Peeking in from the front door and holding up a string of colored lights) You really want all of these covering the house this year?
Parent 4: (Pauses in rolling dough to look at Parent 5) I said ALL OF THEM!
Parent 5: OK, yeesh. (Goes back outside)
Parent 4: (Back to the phone) As I was saying: “You all can buy your own gifts at this point in my life.”
Parent 6: (Also in a kitchen making cookies while talking to a cell phone lying on the counter) Same.
Parent 4: (Looks to the oven after a timer DINGS!) Oooh, great timing, I just finished the snickerdoodle batter. (Opens the oven door and swaps cookie sheets)
Parent 6: (Stirring batter endlessly in a large bowl) Yeah, I’m working on shortbread cookies right now.
Parent 4: Nice.
Parent 6: It’s funny, when you’re doing something mindless, you start thinking of the oddest things.
Parent 4: (Scraping cookies onto a cooling rack) Like what?
Parent 6: Well… you ever get the feeling you should be working on something else?
Parent 4: Whaddya mean? We already multitask 24/7. (Transfers clothes from a washing machine to a dryer and then starts another batch of cookies)
Parent 6: I know, but I have this nagging thought that I’m overlooking something important, and it has to do with food.
Parent 4: Well, once I finish these I’ve gotta start dinner, and then work on the gift baskets for the school’s Santa Bingo, not to mention when am I gonna start wrapping the kids’ presents, so anything else that may or may not be important is just going to have to wait.
Parent 6: (Stirs even slower while staring out into space) Something about a bird….
Parent 4: If it’s a partridge in a pear tree, count me out – call me Scrooge, but if I never hear that song again it’ll be too soon.
Parent 6: I like that one.
Parent 4: So did I, once upon a time. You any closer to figuring out what it is you forgot yet?
Parent 6: (Attention drifts to a wall calendar with a picture of a giant cornucopia on the top half) It’ll come to me….
NOVEMBER 19
(At a mall, Parent 7 carefully navigates through the crowds, carrying lots of large bags and surrounded by fake snow, decorated fake trees, ornaments, several menorahs, and “Jingle Bells” on a never-ending loop. On seeing a “Photos With Santa!” section, with a long line leading to Santa Claus on a throne with helper Elves managing the crowd and a faux reindeer coldly looking on, Parent 7 stops to stare at the controlled chaos for a few moments, blocking out the jolly carol and the tormented cries of unjolly toddlers, brow furrowed in sudden confusion)
Parent 7: (Muttering to self) Wait a minute – isn’t there something else that’s supposed to happen before all this?
Santa Claus: Next in line, please! Only 36 shopping days until Christmas, ho-ho-ho!
Parent 7: (Still muttering, now looking at the floor) Before Christmas…. Something else before Christmas…. What could it be…? (Looks up in realization) Of course! How could I forget Pearl Harbor Day?! So ungrateful of me. (Thinks for a moment) Grateful…? (Thinks for a moment, then shakes head and dives back into the fray)
NOVEMBER 26
(In an office, Parent 8 sits at a desk that is smothered in winter wonderland decorations and types an e-mail)
Parent 8: (Reading aloud softly while typing) “ – and if I – have to go in there – one more time – you’re gonna get it – ” (Stops typing) What am I doing? This isn’t going to my kids. (Holds down the backspace key)
Manager: (Approaches the desk) Hey, you busy?
Parent 8: (Swings away from the computer to face Manager) Always, but so are you.
Manager: Heh-heh, yeah. So, I was reviewing everybody’s time sheets and saw you didn’t put in for the holiday tomorrow yet.
Parent 8: (Slow blinks at Manager) “Holiday”?
Manager: Yeah, you still gotta put it into the system like it’s a requested day off, except you select “Holiday” instead of “PTO”, so I’d appreciate it if you did it in the next five minutes so I can approve it before the end of the day, OK?
Parent 8: (Slow blinks again) “Tomorrow”?
Manager: Yes. Tomorrow. (Blank stare from Parent 8) November 27. (Blank stare) Fourth Thursday of November. (Blank stare) Thanksgiving?!
Parent 8: …Ohhhhh! (Slowly nods in realization)
Manager: (Slowly nods along) Yeeessss!
Parent 8: Is that still a thing?
Manager: …Yes, it’s a federal holiday so the company actually pays you not to work. One thing to be thankful for, right, heh-heh-heh?
Parent 8: Mm. And it’s still every year?
Manager: Put in the request now, please – bye. (Leaves)
Parent 8: (Turns back to the computer and opens up the Human Resources portal to enter the request, then pauses to look at a “Countdown to Christmas!” calendar that reads “29” for days remaining) Thanksgiving, eh? Amazed that one’s still hanging in there.