[Commercial]
(Scenes
of Customer standing in the middle of an empty parking lot, an empty stadium,
and an empty beach)
Voiceover:
Life getting you down lately?
(Scene
of papers being sucked out of Customer’s hand and into a kitchen garbage
disposal)
Voiceover:
Did months of work just get obliterated?
(Scene
of Customer sitting at an office desk, slumped on one hand, while a coworker
screams in their ear)
Voiceover:
Was your day going just fine until that one person said something that ruined
absolutely everything?
(Flashing
lights, bright colors, and text cross the screen)
Voiceover:
Fret no more, my friends – all your worries will vanish as if they had never
been once you get your very own Don’t-Think-About-It Buddy!
(Customer,
now alone, still is slumped at the desk; the camera filter brightens as
Don’t-Think-About-It Buddy, wearing a superhero outfit, mask, cape, and “DTAIB”
printed on the shirt, bounds onto the scene)
Voiceover:
Marvel as those never-ending negative thoughts are immediately vanquished!
(Don’t-Think-About-It
Buddy grabs Customer by the shoulder and gives a slap across the face)
Voiceover:
Amaze as irreparable loss is rendered inconsequential!
(Customer
is leaning down to peer at the shreds of paper sticking out of the garbage
disposal; Don’t-Think-About-It Buddy bounds onto the scene and throws a glass
of water in Customer’s face)
Voiceover:
Wonder as – hopefully – temporary setbacks are made tolerable by comparison!
(Customer
walks up to an empty local baseball field, grabs onto the chain-link fence, and
sighs; Don’t-Think-About-It Buddy bounds onto the scene; Customer turns and
gets a cream pie in the face)
Voiceover:
You will be astounded! Confounded! Bemused!
Befuddled! And 100% satisfied by
the results!
(Customer,
face covered in cream pie, stands with Don’t-Think-About-It Buddy, who has
hands on hips in hero pose; both are facing the camera)
Customer:
That’s great! Tell me more!
Voiceover:
That’s pretty much it.
Customer:
Oh.
Voiceover:
But wait, there’s more!
(Scenes
of Don’t-Think-About-It Buddy at office meetings, family dinners, factory
floors, and solo-occupant living rooms, pegging people with water balloons,
smacking them upside the head, bodily tossing them onto a floor mattress, and
tweaking their noses)
Voiceover:
And the best part is, Don’t-Think-About-It Buddy is on-call 24-7 for all your
life-distraction needs! Bonus package
includes multiple visits for family parties, whenever we can have those to
complain about again! Special rates for
those troublesome late-night musings!
(Scene
of Customer tossing and turning in a bed, then grabbing the clock to see it
read “3:24 a.m.”; turns back onto the bed to see Don’t-Think-About-It Buddy,
who pinches a nerve on Customer’s neck; Customer passes out)
Voiceover:
So don’t wait! Call today at the number
displayed on your screen – subject to change – (Changing phone number flashes
at the bottom of the screen) or visit our Web site at www.dontthinkaboutitbuddyanddontsueus.com
to order your very own Don’t-Think-About-It Buddy, and never worry about
anything long-term again!
(Don’t-Think-About-It
Buddy bounds onto the scene in hero pose again)
Don’t-Think-About-It
Buddy: Remember, folks: only you – (Points to the camera) can end your
own circular internal monologue! By
using me – (Points to self) to slap those pesky thoughts right out of
your head! Don’t-Think-About-It Buddy,
to the rescue! (Lifts arms as a wire
pulls Don’t-Think-About-It Buddy up and away)
Voiceover:
(Extremely fast speed)
Warning-Don’t-Think-About-It-Buddy-only-provides-service-to-the-customer-on-the-bill-and-cannot-be-directed-to-provide-service-to-friends-or-enemies-if-you-change-your-mind-after-purchase-please-call-us-and-not-the-police. (Regular speed) So don’t wait! Call now for a Don’t-Think-About-It Buddy,
and change your life today!
