(At
an apartment on December 31, 2019)
Host:
(Wearing a flapper dress and opening the door to several guests) Hello, old
sports, and welcome to our New Year’s Eve Party ringing in the Roaring 20s! Please disregard this prop cigarette in my
hand – you still can’t smoke in here.
Guest
1: That’s OK – (Secretively pulls out a brown paper bag from inside a large
coat) I brought the “stuff.” (Winks
exaggeratedly)
Host:
Thanks, just put it on the kitchen table.
Guest
1: Oh-ho, where just anyone can see it?
What if we get – you know – (Looks up and down the hallway and
stage-whispers) “raided?”
Host:
Prohibition doesn’t go into effect until mid-January, so we’ve still got a few
weeks.
Guest
1: Oh.
I thought this was a speakeasy theme?
Host:
Then I would’ve asked you for a password to screen out the coppers, silly!
(They
join the rest of the party – someone takes off the record that was playing on a
turntable and instead puts on one that plays “The Charleston,” so everyone
starts dancing “The Charleston”)
Host:
(Bursting into the middle of the dancers) No!
No! No! Stop this madness right now! There will be no “The Charleston” played or
danced here, since there was no “The Charleston” until 1923 and this is the eve
of 1920!
Guest
2: Hey, you said this was a 20s New Year’s Eve Party!
Host:
The invitation clearly stated that this is New Year’s Eve 1920, so right
now we’re still technically in 1919!
Guest
3: (Mutters to Guest 4) Actually, we’re still technically in 2019.
Host:
Who said that?!
(Later
in the evening)
Guest
5: (To Host while sipping absinthe) While I admire your dedication to
historical accuracy, you must admit that strictly adhering to the pre-1920
aspect instead of the entire subsequent decade does rather limit the selection
of music, dances, clothing, food, and pretty much anything else that made the
20s the excessive slide into the Great Depression we all know and love. Right now, everyone’s still dealing with the
shell shock and influenza pandemic that sprung from the Great War, which does
put a bit of a damper on things, wouldn’t you say?
Host:
Your unsolicited opinion is duly noted.
Guest
6: (Enters the apartment wearing a disco suit) Wassup, dudes, I am ready to
boogie on down and go bananas
all up in this joint, to the MAX!
Host:
(Crushes a champagne flute in a fist while pointing to Guest 6) Out! Of!
My! Sight! Anachronistic! Floozy!
Guest
6: My bad, dawg.
Host:
Gaaaahhhh!!!
(Midnight)
Guests:
Happy New Year!
Host:
(Collapses in a chair) Yay.
Guest 7: (Sits on the chair’s arm) Thanks for the party – that was a lot of fun!
Host:
I guess, if you ignore “Welcome to 1920” and make this a “Welcome to Whatever
Year You Want” mess, then yes, it was loads of fun.
Guest 7: (Sips champagne) I suppose. You do
know that flappers showed up a lot earlier than 1920, but really didn’t become
entrenched in American culture until the movie The Flapper was released almost
halfway through that year, right?
Host:
(Eyes widen in horror) Whaaaaaat???
(Someone
starts playing 21st-century music from their cell phone’s speakers)
Guest 7: Cheer up – you can try again in 2120!
(Leaves)
Host:
(Mutters) It’s barely begun, and my fun-loving decade’s already ruined.
