Story 322: Welcome to the Roaring 20s (Again)

            (At an apartment on December 31, 2019)

           Host: (Wearing a flapper dress and opening the door to several guests) Hello, old sports, and welcome to our New Year’s Eve Party ringing in the Roaring 20s!  Please disregard this prop cigarette in my hand – you still can’t smoke in here.

          Guest 1: That’s OK – (Secretively pulls out a brown paper bag from inside a large coat) I brought the “stuff.”  (Winks exaggeratedly)

            Host: Thanks, just put it on the kitchen table.

           Guest 1: Oh-ho, where just anyone can see it?  What if we get – you know – (Looks up and down the hallway and stage-whispers) “raided?”

           Host: Prohibition doesn’t go into effect until mid-January, so we’ve still got a few weeks.

            Guest 1:  Oh.  I thought this was a speakeasy theme?

            Host: Then I would’ve asked you for a password to screen out the coppers, silly!

            (They join the rest of the party – someone takes off the record that was playing on a turntable and instead puts on one that plays “The Charleston,” so everyone starts dancing “The Charleston”)

            Host: (Bursting into the middle of the dancers) No!  No!  No!  Stop this madness right now!  There will be no “The Charleston” played or danced here, since there was no “The Charleston” until 1923 and this is the eve of 1920!

            Guest 2: Hey, you said this was a 20s New Year’s Eve Party!

           Host: The invitation clearly stated that this is New Year’s Eve 1920, so right now we’re still technically in 1919!

            Guest 3: (Mutters to Guest 4) Actually, we’re still technically in 2019.

            Host: Who said that?!

            (Later in the evening)

         Guest 5: (To Host while sipping absinthe) While I admire your dedication to historical accuracy, you must admit that strictly adhering to the pre-1920 aspect instead of the entire subsequent decade does rather limit the selection of music, dances, clothing, food, and pretty much anything else that made the 20s the excessive slide into the Great Depression we all know and love.  Right now, everyone’s still dealing with the shell shock and influenza pandemic that sprung from the Great War, which does put a bit of a damper on things, wouldn’t you say?

            Host: Your unsolicited opinion is duly noted.

         Guest 6: (Enters the apartment wearing a disco suit) Wassup, dudes, I am ready to boogie on down and go bananas all up in this joint, to the MAX!

            Host: (Crushes a champagne flute in a fist while pointing to Guest 6) Out!  Of!  My!  Sight!  Anachronistic!  Floozy!

            Guest 6: My bad, dawg.

            Host: Gaaaahhhh!!!

            (Midnight)

            Guests: Happy New Year!

            Host: (Collapses in a chair) Yay.

            Guest 7: (Sits on the chair’s arm) Thanks for the party – that was a lot of fun!

            Host: I guess, if you ignore “Welcome to 1920” and make this a “Welcome to Whatever Year You Want” mess, then yes, it was loads of fun.

            Guest 7: (Sips champagne) I suppose.  You do know that flappers showed up a lot earlier than 1920, but really didn’t become entrenched in American culture until the movie The Flapper was released almost halfway through that year, right?

            Host: (Eyes widen in horror) Whaaaaaat???

            (Someone starts playing 21^st-century music from their cell phone’s speakers)

            Guest 7: Cheer up – you can try again in 2120!  (Leaves)

            Host: (Mutters) It’s barely begun, and my fun-loving decade’s already ruined.