The
radiant sunset surrounded the couple with shades of red, purple, and pink as
the two strolled through the cozy park, hand-in-hand. The moment when he was going to pop the
question was fast approaching: he knew it, she knew it, the dog walkers knew
it. The violins swelled in anticipation
as he suddenly stopped, grabbing both her hands in his.
“Beloved?”
he opened.
“Yes,
my angel?” she replied; several stirring flutes got in on the action.
“We
have known each other for so long – ” the violins became more agitated – “I
simply cannot face the rest of my life without you by my side – ” an expectant
drumroll began, with cymbals winding up for the climax – “and what on Earth is
that orchestra doing here?!”
“Oh
them,” she lightly laughed. “They follow
me on special occasions: they’re the soundtrack to my life.” The cymbals finally crashed. “Not yet, guys – maybe start again when we
kiss to seal the deal?” she asked; the music abruptly cut off. To her angel, she smiled: “You were saying?”
“Ummmm….”
* * * * * * * * * * *
The
two spies snuck through the darkened warehouse and spoke to each other in
whispers.
“I’ll
take the left, you take the right,” Spy 1 said.
“Why
do I always have to take the right?” Spy 2 almost whined.
“Because
right now I’m on the left, right?”
“What?”
A
menacing bass line began.
“So,
you go that way,” Spy 1 gestured with a gun, “and I’ll go this way. Ri – OK?”
“Wait
a minute, what’s that noise?”
A
synthesizer ratcheted up the thrill factor.
“It’s
underscoring the danger of our actions, now c’mon!” Spy 1 gestured with the gun again.
“Not
so fast,” Spy 2 said, head tilting to listen.
“I know those chords. This is the
Villain Theme playing right now.”
“What
are you talking about?”
“That’s
the music played every time the villain shows up.”
“Which
makes perfect sense because that’s the reason why we’re here! To catch the villain!”
“Yes…
or….” Spy 2 pointed a gun at Spy 1. “Perhaps the True Villain has been beside me
ALL ALONG.”
<DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUN!>
Spy
1 pointed the gun at Spy 2. “Now you’re
just being stupid and tiresome.
<Gasp> Maybe this music’s playing because you’ve been the
True Villain ALL ALONG!”
“Nonsense
– I’m not the villain.”
“Ha! Prove it!”
“I’d
know it if I was, wouldn’t I.”
“You
make a good point.”
The
True Villain jumped out from behind a pillar, accompanied by a crescendo.
“Aha,
you fools!” The Villain laughed
evilly. “The music was signaling my
approach, and now I have the drop on both of you!”
“Blast,”
Spy 1 said as the two raised their hands in surrender. “We sure misread those cues.”
“Yes,
I must say they were deliberately confusing to the casual listener,” Spy 2 agreed.
* * * * * * * * * * *
In
the haunted house, the reckless teenagers paused on the third floor to
regroup; they spoke with flashlights shining up on their faces due to the
requisite power outage during the obligatory thunderstorm.
“I
say we head to the basement and wait it out there,” Teen 1 said.
“I
say we head to the attic, solve the mystery, and set the angry ghost’s soul to
rest,” Teen 2 said.
“I
say we head to the front door and walk out of it,” Teen 3 said.
“Hold
up a sec!” Teen 4 hysterically shouted.
“What? We were having a nice rational discussion up
until now,” Teen 1 said.
Teen
4 looked around in terror before screechily whispering: “Where’s our
supporting music?!”
The
others pondered this.
“You’re
right, it’s been suspiciously not playing for ages,” Teen 2 said.
“That
means when it does play, it’ll be a doozy,” Teen 1 agreed.
“I’m
going to climb down this drainpipe here,” Teen 3 said, opening a window. “You’re all welcome to join me whenever you’d
like.”
The
other three froze in place.
“Should
we run for it?” Teen 4 asked.
“Maybe
if we never move ever again from this spot, the ghost’ll forget about us and
leave us alone,” Teen 2 said.
“Or
we could – ” Teen 1 started but was cut off by jump-scare music, which was
followed by the jump scare of the tangible ghost getting in their faces.
With
everyone screaming, the music was no longer necessary.
From
outside the house, Teen 3 jumped onto the ground from the drainpipe, ran to
the car, got inside, and started it. The
horror music quietly began to swell.
Teen
3 turned to face the music: “Don’t even think about it.”
The
music stopped as Teen 3 drove off into the night.
* * * * * * * * * * *
In
an office, Manager approached Employee.
“So,”
Manager said, “we’ve got a huge project coming up, with lots of ways it can go
wrong.”
“All
right,” Employee said, then pressed a button on a CD player; light-hearted
music played through the speakers.
“What
are you doing?” Manager asked.
“Scoring
our new adventure,” Employee said.
“Judging by your statement, I trust that shenanigans will ensue?”
“Not
really – this is a very serious project for one of our top clients. If it doesn’t go right, we could be – ”
Manager leaned in slightly to whisper – “F-I-R-E-D.”
“All
right.” Employee pressed a few different
buttons; serious-sounding music then played.
“So this situation is dramatic, then.”
“Well,
yeah! And I even feel a little
uncomfortable taking it on, to tell you the truth; this is the client who is a
bit – ” whispered again – “S-H-A-D-Y.”
“Got
ya.” Employee hit several more buttons;
hints of mystery and danger were signified by the presence of a bassoon. “How’s this one?”
“Perfect.”
