Friends
of convenience while at work, the two employees were eating lunch in the cafeteria
when Co-Worker 1’s manager swung by.
“Hey,
hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Manager said just as Co-Worker 1 had taken
a big bite out of a sandwich. “Just
wanted to let you know, that budget report due tomorrow morning?”
“Mm-hm?”
“Yeah,
you really should re-do your section, make it a little more… presentable, if you
will. I know it’s last minute and you’ll
probably have to stay late to finish it, but it’s gotta be done, `K?”
“Mm-hm.”
“Great,
see you later.”
Co-Worker
2 stared at Co-Worker 1, who had resumed eating the sandwich.
“What?” Co-Worker 1 asked between bites.
“Just
like that?” Co-Worker 2 counter-asked.
“Hm?”
“You
just got a boatload of probably unnecessary extra work dumped on you during
your lunch break, and you’re not even upset about it? And you didn’t even argue about how
unnecessarily extra it probably is, because it’s extremely unlikely anyone’s
going to notice how presentable that thing is or not?”
“Nah
– what’s the point?” Co-Worker 1 dug
into a chocolate pudding with glee. “It
would only sound like I’m whining, I’d be accused of slacking off and making
our department look bad, and I’d still get stuck with doing it.”
“Yeah,
but, the principle of the thing!”
“I
used to think as you do,” Co-Worker 1 said, contemplating the spoon. “I used to argue about the unfairness of it
all, when middle management just didn’t seem to get what I was doing, or people
in general were just the worst, until that magical day when I finally understood
how ineffective that tactic is, and now I don’t have to argue anymore. I’ve found a much better method of dealing
with unpleasantness.”
“Oh?”
“Mm-hm:
‘yes’ them to death, then go ahead and do whatever I was going to do anyway.”
Co-Worker
2 thought this over: “Isn’t that lying?”
“Not
really. I usually say ‘OK’ as an
acknowledgement of what they’ve said. ‘Yes,
I hear what you’re saying’ is all I am conveying, and I continue on as I was
before.”
“Yeah,
but it sounds like you’re agreeing to do what they’re saying – you have
to have been called on that by now.”
“Usually
variations on the phrase ‘something else came up that took priority’ works, or ‘I
looked it over and saw that the original format was more cost-effective,’ or
whatever the case may be. If none else
applies, I just say ‘sorry’ with the blatant undertone that I am not but there’s
nothing they can do about it without calling me a liar, which no one ever wants
to accuse anyone of being unless they’re willing to venture past the societal
point of no return.”
“All
right, but are any of those really going to work this time? I mean, this is your boss telling you
to work late; I don’t think other priorities or ‘sorry’ is going to cut it.”
“You’re
absolutely right, so this situation calls for the one-use only ‘I forgot.’ I’ve been saving it for an occasion such as
this, because it very easily can be overplayed.”
“Wow. This actually sounds like a better way to get
along in… everything. Mind if I borrow
it? I feel like I’ve been arguing with
everybody lately because they want me to do stupid stuff that they’re too lazy
to do themselves.”
“By
all means – let me know how it works out.”
That
afternoon, Co-Worker 2 was in the middle of a conference call when Co-Worker 3
swung by.
“Hey,”
Co-Worker 3 began; Co-Worker 2 turned off the telephone’s mic so the others on
the call would not hear the inevitable shouting. “So, just wanted to say that I’d appreciate
it if you sent your daily e-mails to me first, about half an hour before
sending them to everyone else, just so, you know, I get to see them before
everyone else. `K?”
Co-Worker
2’s first instinct was to detail all the reasons why this was redundant, an unnecessary
delay of the information being distributed, of no value to anyone except Co-Worker 3’s ego, and, most importantly, that Co-Worker 3 was not
Co-Worker 2’s boss and therefore should not be telling Co-Worker 2 what to do;
however, Co-Worker 2 instead said “Mm-hm” and pointedly turned on the phone’s
mic while turning slightly away from Co-Worker 3.
“Great,”
Co-Worker 3 whispered, then slunk off saying “Byyyyeeee…”
After
the conference call ended, Co-Worker 2 dialed Co-Worker 1’s extension and
relayed what had just happened.
“And?”
Co-Worker 1 asked.
“You
may be on to something. We’ll see what
happens when I keep sending the e-mails to everyone like I normally do. Maybe I should tell my manager about it?”
“Only
as a last resort – if you escalate this, it’ll just prove that you’re deliberately
defying. This way, the upstart instead
has to deal with recurring passive aggression, and most people can’t.”
“Good
point. I wonder if this also works if
someone tries to pick a fist fight?”
“Hopefully
you’ll never have to find out, but it should at least take the wind out of
their sails.”
