Friend 1: (On
phone) Guess what?
Friend 2: I
would never be able to in a million years.
Friend 1: Well anyway,
my manager just told me to take a whole bunch of days off this summer `cause I
have too many vacation hours built up and I’d better use `em or lose `em so,
yeah. This’ll be great: now I can
finally shop on non-crowded days, and go to amusement parks with a bit shorter
lines and slightly cheaper prices, and hang out at beaches where I’ll almost
have room to lay out all my stuff, and I can’t wait, this summer’ll be AWESOME!
Friend 2: Wow,
that is… great.
Friend 1: See if
you can take a few days off too, so we can hang out on a few non-weekend days
like we’re playing hooky!
Friend 2: I… can’t
really: three people in my department simultaneously quit this week and now I
have to work overtime every day for the foreseeable future. Possibly forever, because I doubt they’ll hire
anybody to replace them. You actually
may not see me for a while.
Friend 1: …Oh. Well, let me know whenever you’re free,
bye! (Disconnects call)
Friend 2:
[Slightly disgusted sigh]
* * * * * * * * * * *
Friend
1: (On phone) Mm-yell-oh?
Friend
2: Just checking in on the real world – you still have off a few more days this
summer?
Friend
1: Oh yes: actually right now I’m lounging poolside on a cruise to… somewhere;
I lost track of where we’re at today.
Friend
2: Oh. When did you leave?
Friend
1: Umm, let’s see, was it Monday? No,
that’s not right – Saturday? I don’t
even know what day it is anymore, isn’t that funny, heh-heh-heh?
Friend
2: It’s Tuesday.
Friend
1: Tuesday! Yes, exactly! Now I remember; I think there’s a midnight
buffet coming up later.
Friend
2: (Through grinding teeth) So when did you leave?
Friend
1: Oh right – I think it was Friday.
Does it really matter?
Friend
2: Apparently not.
Friend
1: Ooh, they just announced the limbo contest’s up here soon, gotta wrap this
up – how’s everything with you?
Friend
2: I have to go to a wake tonight and funeral tomorrow.
Friend
1: Oh no! Anyone I know?
Friend
2: My great-aunt; you never met her.
Friend
1: Oh good. I mean, sorry, I feel bad, I
meant good I didn’t know her, I mean, you know I’m terrible with tragedy, I
mean, sorry to you all, I mean –
Crowd
in the Background: Limbo!
Friend
2: I’ll let you go – bye.
Friend
1: Thanks, bye, have a good week! Oops,
sorry, I mean –
Friend
2: (Disconnects call)
* * * * * * * * * * *
Friend
2: (On phone, in a hushed voice) Hello?
Friend
1: Hey, you wanna meet me in Paris this week?
Friend
2: What? No, I – I’m working
two-and-a-half people’s jobs, I’m in the middle of a neverending meeting right
now, I can’t take any time off, what are you thinking?!
Friend
1: Well, I’m in Paris at the moment, so if anything changes I’ll meet you at
Charles de Gaulle Airport – just send me your arrival time and gate number
before you land, m’kay?
Friend
2: What – how – who –
Friend
1: Oh, and make sure your passport’s not expiring in less than six months or
else you might get stuck here – don’t know why six months, I’d almost understand
if it was one month –
Friend
2: What – when –
Friend
1: Oh, and we should make time to tour the châteaux in
the Loire Valley – but definitely the bulk of the stay’ll be in Paris. You’re six hours behind us, so you should get
here in time for dinner then, right?
Friend
2: [Makes choking sounds]
Friend
1: Don’t worry, they eat later here.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Friend
2: (Waking up exhausted to answer the phone) Hello?
Friend
1: So I’m in śavāsana
at the end of my sunrise yoga session right now, which reminds me that I’m also
doing absolutely nothing for the rest of today – want to come over and just lie
on the floor with your arms and legs splayed out for hours? We can have the ceiling fan going on overhead
to have something to focus on. (Hears
dial tone) You still there?
* * * * * * * * * * *
Friend
2: (Trapped in traffic, sees Friend 1’s number appear on phone) For the love of
– (Bangs hands-free phone button in the car to answer) Yes – what?
Friend
1: So my application to join the human expedition to Mars just got approved –
wanna meet me in the space center this week and watch my microgravity training?
Friend
2: What?! Are you kidding me?!
Friend
1: No – they accelerated the program so training got bumped up to this week.
Friend
2: Well, good for you! I’m on my way to
another 16-hour workday before heading back in bumper-to-bumper traffic so I
can move my stuff out of the apartment because the whole building got evicted!
Friend
1: Really? When did that happen?
Friend
2: When you were in France, or the beach, or the Moon, I don’t know! And now I have to live with my cousin who is
a disgusting mess and another hour away from my job, so that’s even less sleep
for me and more time driving, and I should have just said I’ll live in
my car `cause I’ll pretty much be doing that now, and arrrggghhhh!!!!
Friend
1: …So wanna meet me in the diner for ice cream when you get out of work
at midnight?
Friend
2: Yeah, all right.
