(Friend 1 and Friend 2 are sitting at the kitchen table in Friend 1’s apartment)
Friend 1: You know what bothers me about this time of year?
Friend 2: (Looks up to think) Umm, the inconsistently cold weather? The visibly dying plants? The hibernation-prepping squirrels running all over the place? The forgotten promise of spring, the lost joy of summer, and the threatening doom of winter?
Friend 1: Well, all that stuff now that you said them, but no, not at the moment, anyway.
Friend 2: Then what?
Friend 1: Ghosts.
Friend 2: You mean Halloween?
Friend 1: Nah, I love Halloween, but its downside is that it raises The Ghost Issue, and frankly I’m tired of it.
Friend 2: Didn’t realize there was a Ghost Issue. What’s that involve?
Friend 1: Just that a certain percentage of The Living is obsessed with The Ghosts, but nobody really gets what they are. For example: what do you think a ghost is?
Friend 2: Uh, well, let me think…. I’d have to say the spirit of someone left behind with unfinished business that needs resolving.
Friend 1: (Points briefly to Friend 2) Wrong! That’s what most people think, and it’s absolute baloney.
Friend 2: OK, if you’re so wise in the ways of the supernatural, then why is that wrong?
Friend 1: Because nobody would ever stick around this mess, possibly for centuries, just to slam some doors shut suddenly or lower the thermostat several degrees or rearrange the furniture ever so slightly to the delight of tourists everywhere.
Friend 2: What about the unfinished business?
Friend 1: There are better ways to point out who knocked you into the spirit world than messing up a sock drawer or whispering a random syllable in the hopes that someone out there is a real-life Sherlock Holmes who has the time and the resources to piece together the rest of it.
Friend 2: Better ways like what?
Friend 1: Spirit possession.
Friend 2: Ew.
Friend 1: And I can’t stand those books and movies where you actually see the ghost walking around and they have full-on conversations with the main character, as if they were still alive but just had invisibility and teleportation superpowers. Once you’re gone, you’re gone; there’s nothing left for you to do because you’ve moved on to bigger and better, and that’s that!
Friend 2: All right, then how do you explain all those sightings and paranormal experiences so many people’ve had for ages and ages?
Friend 1: (Thinks for a few moments) Mass hysteria.
Friend 2: Oh, please.
Friend 1: Fine, I admit that sometimes there’s something people see, or hear, or feel – usually it’s the power of suggestion from the ghost tour guide, but my theory is that all that stuff is just… an echo.
Friend 2: What do you mean?
Friend 1: For instance: imagine if someone were, you know, murdered – (Friend 2 double-takes) there’d’ve been a lot of energy expended at the time, and some of that energy didn’t dissipate for whatever-physics reason, and that’s what people are experiencing. A video on repeat, forever.
Friend 2: Hm. Maybe. But what about the non-murder ones?
Friend 1: Huh?
Friend 2: You know, the ones where people say they see ghosts doing everyday things like writing in their diary or walking the dog or napping on the couch?
Friend 1: Oh, those: either they want to see something so badly that they’ll see what they want to see; or they’re seeing someone who’s actually alive and they assume the figure was a ghost; or they took a little mind-altering something earlier and don’t want to admit it.
Friend 2: I guess. So you basically believe there’s no such thing as what most people think of as ghosts, just echoes of energy, and you don’t like that ghost sightings and what-not increase exponentially this time of year.
Friend 1: Bingo. Drives me up the wall.
Resident: (Sitting at the table across from them) Excuse me?
Friend 1: (Turns to Resident) What’s up?
Resident: I’ve been watching you two have the same conversation every morning since I moved into this apartment last month, and I wanted to see if it would end differently if I interrupted.
(Friend 1 and Friend 2 stare at Resident, then at each other in slowly mounting horror)
Friend 1: Start again then?
Friend 2: Please.
Friend 1: You know what bothers me about this time of year?
Friend 2: (Looks up to think) Umm, the inconsistently cold weather? The –
Resident: (Sighs, then returns to eating a breakfast packet and watching the holographic newsfeed displayed above the table) Just my luck: I move into the one place with a self-referential Echo Issue.
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