Thursday, July 25, 2019

Story 299: Why Don’t You Go Outside and Play? `Cause I’m Working.


(Co-Worker 1 and Co-Worker 2 are at their desks, side-by-side in a partitioned-off area of the main office)
Co-Worker 1: (Suddenly stops typing and stares off into space; to Co-Worker 2) You ever wonder, what’s the point of anything?
Co-Worker 2: (Stops typing and stares at Co-Worker 1) No, and I wish you wouldn’t either.
Co-Worker 1: (Looks up through the partition’s window) Uh-oh, Big Boss is headed this way.
Co-Worker 2: Great, and I’m not even halfway through my report that was due… (Looks at watch) yesterday.
Co-Worker 1: You certainly let that deadline get away from you.
(Manager enters from around the corner of the partition and immediately begins talking)
Manager: So, I suddenly realized what modern society’s problem is.
(Co-Workers 1 and 2 stare at Manager, then at each other, then back at Manager)
Co-Worker 1: Oh?
Manager: Yeah, it all boils down to one simple problem: nobody goes outside and plays anymore!
(Co-Workers 1 and 2 stare at Manager, then at each other, then back at Manager)
Co-Worker 2: Oh?
Manager: (Grabs a chair, rolls it over to them, and turns it backwards to sit) I mean, kids today –
Co-Worker 1: Oh, here we go.
Manager: Hear me out: kids today are all sitting in front of screens playing video games, watching TV, wandering all over unsavory places on the Internet, and typing entire conversations to strangers, they’ve forgotten how to walk and talk!
Co-Worker 1: While I agree that that’s the overall trend, I do see plenty of kids playing sports, riding bikes, causing mischief on the roads, and rampaging through playgrounds, so I must deem your argument fallacious.
Co-Worker 2: (Whips out a notebook and begins scribbling) Thanks for the new word – I’m going to try using it in a sentence today.
Co-Worker 1: Not too much, or it’ll lose its power.
Manager: All right, forget the kids; I mean, look at you two now!  (The two look down at themselves) Sitting there in front of your computers all day long, when there’s a whole big world of life out there – (Gestures randomly out there) begging to be lived!
Co-Worker 1: Yeah, but we’re… working…?  Am I missing something?
Manager: You see!  Always an excuse!
Co-Worker 1: What?!
Co-Worker 2: Aren’t we being paid to sit in front of computers all day long?  Isn’t that what the company wants from us?
Manager: Well, it’s time you two took a break.  (Stands to reach the power cord where both computers are connected and rips the plug out of the wall)
Co-Worker 1: (Gasps in horror at the now-blank screen) A cold shut-down!
Co-Worker 2: (Also gasps in horror at the now-blank screen) My overdue report!  And I haven’t hit “Save” in 20 minutes, like a fool!
Manager: (Twirls the cord) You can thank me later.
Co-Worker 2: Can I actually remind you of this later when you’re yelling at me for not submitting this until next week?
Manager: (Laughs maniacally) Silly billy.  (Grabs the backs of their chairs and wheels them out of their section of the office) And away we go!
Co-Worker 2: (To Co-Worker 1) Should we run for it?
Co-Worker 1: Nah – I kind of want to see where this is going.
(Manager wheels them to the elevator, wheels them out when they arrive at the ground floor, wheels them through the lobby and out the front door as everyone else there watches uncomprehendingly, wheels them to the park next door, and collapses when they arrive at a playground filled with toddlers and their adult guardians)
Manager: (Lying on the soft hard-top, panting and pointing at the playground) All right – there it is – go play.  (Lets hand fall)
(Co-Workers 1 and 2, the toddlers, and the guardians all stare at each other for a few moments, then Co-Workers 1 and 2 simultaneously stand, life Manager up by the arms, and set the body on one of the office chairs.  Co-Worker 1 wheels that chair off the playground while Co-Worker 2 follows, dragging the other chair behind)
Co-Worker 1: (Stopping the group on a paved trail) You know, we appreciate the effort and all, but I don’t think we can just go… play over there, with all of… them.
Manager: (Recovered, but still seated) Whyever not?  There’s not sign saying that!  There’s no law!
Co-Worker 2: I think there might be.
Manager: Ridiculous!  Everyone’s always complaining how they miss their childhood when they played all the time, and here I am, literally throwing you two into play time, and you’re just standing there like a bunch of old people!
Hiking Able-Bodied Senior Citizen: Hey!
Manager: People who let themselves get old!
Co-Worker 2: I see what you’re saying, and that kind of play was fun when we were kids, but now, well….
Co-Worker 1: Now we just don’t wanna.
Co-Worker 2: Exactly.  Somewhere through the years, it just stopped being fun.
Co-Worker 1: And I hate to say it, but right now I’m exhausted just looking at them.
Manager: (Stands in a fury) What are you two, 30 going on 300?
Co-Worker 2: You’re actually not supposed to ask us our age –
Manager: OLD!  You let yourselves get old!  Well my late-middle-aged self refuses to, do you hear me?!  (Runs to an unoccupied sandbox, dives in, and uses a shovel to fill a bucket while weeping)
Co-Worker 1: You think the office’ll miss us if we hang out here a little while longer to keep an eye on things?
Co-Worker 2: I think we have a moral obligation to ensure our boss’s physical and mental well-being, and we’re only doing our duty in staying out here in this fresh air, green grass, shady trees – (Co-Workers 1’s and 2’s eyes begin closing) humming insects, sleepy breeze – ooh, look, there’s a nice comfy bench right over there, just waiting for us to take a nap on it!
            Co-Worker 1: (As they both trot over to the bench) Sweet.  My legs are killing me.

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