(Inside
The Mind – an Old West-style saloon, with Brain Cells as the customers and
Subconscious as the bartender)
Subconscious:
(To Brain Cell at the bar) I know it’s all very thrilling and keeps the malaise
at bay, but if The Host keeps this up then we’re just gonna keep losing more of
you guys every time Cranium gets whacked.
Brain
Cell: But the thrill of it all! (Whirls
back to a table to rest)
Subconscious:
No one ever listens to me. (To the rest
of the room) Anyone want to hear that song from the 80s – you know, the catchy
one about Australia? (Mumbles of assent) All righty then. (Turns on the jukebox and plays remembered segments of the song; the
rest of the room groggily hums along) There, that should be a nice distraction
for a bit. (Returns to the bar and
starts straightening items that are askew)
(A
shadowy figure appears at the swinging doors and then slams them open, freezing
in the entrance upon seeing all the slumped figures at the tables)
Conscious:
What on Earth…?
Subconscious:
Well, well, well, look who’s decided to check on things in the deep recesses of
The Mind. For a while there, I thought
you’d forgotten we existed.
Conscious:
(Approaches the bar) Listen, you know I appreciate all you do here –
Subconscious:
Save it: what do you want?
Conscious:
I have another problem.
Subconscious:
Ugh, another problem? You seem to
be collecting them lately – maybe look into that, hm?
Conscious:
Yeah, yeah; see, the thing is, I have been trying and trying to find a way to
fix this for days now, and so far – nothing.
Subconscious:
Really.
Conscious:
Yeah, and I thought, well, maybe if you worked on it like you usually
do…?
Subconscious:
So I’m supposed to exhaust myself day and night trying to figure this thing out
while you go off on your merry little way, singing songs and skipping stones
and sleeping soundly until I call you with the answer that I had to wring out
of my very soul?!
Conscious:
No-o, I’ll still be thinking about it every so often.
Subconscious:
HA! It’s the same every time: “How’s it
going?” “Any ideas yet?” “What’s taking so long?” “Why haven’t you solved my self-imposed
crisis yet, you lazy good-for-nothing?!”
And when I’m finally able to deliver, I don’t even get a “Thank you!”
Conscious:
Um… thank you?
Subconscious:
(Glares) Is that a question?
Conscious:
Um….
Subconscious:
Forget it – just tell me what it is.
(Conscious hands over a slip of paper that Subconscious reads)
Seriously?!
Conscious:
Yeah, it’s a doozy.
Subconscious:
How do you get yourself into these messes?!
Conscious:
I honestly have no idea – maybe if I did, I wouldn’t get myself into them so
much?
Subconscious:
(Tosses the paper back at Conscious) Fine, I’ll work on it, now scram.
Conscious:
(Heading towards the swinging doors) Gee, thanks Sub, I’ll owe you another one,
you’re the best! (Falls out through the
doors)
Subconscious:
I’m certainly the better.
ONE WEEK LATER
Subconscious:
(To an Antibody at the bar) All right, we have room for you to stay as long
as you make yourself useful.
Antibody:
Thanks awfully! And I’ll get on that
nasty virus right away! (Dashes out the
doors as Conscious arrives)
Subconscious:
Oh look, it’s the Master of the House.
Conscious:
Ha-ha, you rang?
Subconscious:
Yeah, I figured out your problem for you.
(Hands over a piece of paper that Conscious reads)
Conscious:
I can’t do that!
Subconscious:
It’s that or nothing.
Conscious:
(Tears up the paper) Unacceptable! Come up
with something else!
Subconscious:
The something else is nothing.
Conscious:
Noooo!!! I won’t do it, I won’t!
Subconscious:
Fine, don’t – makes no difference to me, I just turn off my newsfeed when
things get ugly out there. (Switches off
the TV that is mounted above the bar and tuned to the Five Senses Channel)
Conscious:
(Pouts for a while, then slumps) All right, I’ll do it since it seems I have no
choice!
Subconscious:
Oh, good for you. And you forgot
something.
Conscious:
What, more no-win solutions?
Subconscious:
No, just two magic words.
Conscious:
I’m not thanking you for putting me in just as bad a position as I was when
this all started!
Subconscious:
It would be best to think about any future favors you may need from me. And stop being a brat.
Conscious:
Oh, all right – thank you.
Subconscious:
You’re welcome, now get out – you’re upsetting my customers, and they already
don’t like you.
Conscious:
(To the room) But you’re all a part of me, too!
Brain
Cell: Yeah, but we like the other guy better.
