(At the dinner table)
Parent: So, how was school today?
Child: (Shrugs) It was all right – the teachers still’re burdening us with unnecessary work, but I’m viewing it as training for the inevitable “Real World” that we all must grapple with, unceasingly, until the day we die.
Parent: OK; how was band practice?
Child: A lot of fun, but tainted by the knowledge that no matter how much I practice, I will never achieve membership in a repertory orchestra.
Parent: Right – when dinner’s over could you do that thing I asked you to do the other day, please?
Child: Oh. You need that done now?
Parent: I needed it done the other day, but after dinner’ll do.
Child: You mind if I do some of my homework first? I don’t think I’ll be as mentally equipped to face it if I wait `til afterward.
Parent: You must really dread doing this if you’d rather do homework first.
LATER THAT NIGHT
(Stretched across the bed, Child is scribbling in a notebook)
Parent: (At the bedroom doorway) So, did you do that thing I asked you?
Child: (Freezes) Oh. I was so caught up in solving these quadratic equations I completely lost track of the time.
Parent: Uh-huh. Make sure you do it after school tomorrow, OK?
Child: (Salutes) Righty-ho!
AFTER SCHOOL TOMORROW
Parent: (Answering the phone) Hello?
Child: Hi! So, I found out today that Band’s playing at the senior center this afternoon, and we’ll be there for hours and hours making those lonely people all happy, so I won’t be home until it’s real late, so, yeah.
Parent: Isn’t that something you’d have to specifically volunteer for because the center can’t fit the whole band, and when you found out about it last week you’d told me you, quote, “didn’t really feel like it”?
Child: Yes, well, today I realized, those lonely people need me!
Parent: Uh-huh. Call me when you need a ride home; you’re gonna do that chore for me tomorrow, then.
Child: Righty-ho!
TOMORROW
(Parent courtesy knocks on Child’s bedroom door and opens it immediately, striding over to the windows to burst open the curtains)
Parent: Rise and shine – today’s the day!
Child: (Blinks awake) Mmf?
Parent: You’re going to do that thing I asked you to do, today!
Child: Oh – actually, I forgot, today I’d said I’d tutor the elementary school kids in English in the morning, and then help out at the track meet in the afternoon. Plus tonight I told your parents I’d make them dinner, so, yeah.
Parent: …Seriously?!
THE NEXT TOMORROW
(Parent courtesy knocks on Child’s bedroom door and opens it immediately)
Child: (Blinks awake) Mmf?
Parent: This is it! Time for your chore!
Child: Oh – actually, you mind if I do it after conducting the children’s choir at Mass this morning and then running that blood drive for the county this afternoon? I’ll probably be exhausted by then, but I’ll find the time, somehow.
Parent: (Grabs Child by the feet and drags those to the floor) Up! At `em! Go, go, go!
Child: (Stumbles out of the room) Aw, shucks, this is cutting into my daily 5-mile run!
Parent: The daily run you’ve never done before today? Now beat it!
FIVE MINUTES LATER
(Parent drinks coffee and reads the newspaper at the kitchen table; Child slumps into the room)
Child: Well – it’s done.
Parent: There, was that so hard?
Child: I guess not. It took a lot less time than I thought, and now it’s finally over.
Parent: Good. Now go make yourself presentable for the children’s choir.
Child: Oh yeah, that. (Slumps out of the room)
Parent: (Resumes drinking coffee and reading the newspaper) It’s like pulling teeth – too bad it took so long to get done that I’ve forgotten what it was.
