(In an office)
Coworker
1: (Reading an e-mail) Oh no… oh no-no-no-no-no – this can’t be happening –
what are we going to do – this can’t be happening – (Stands on top of the desk
to address the sea of cubicles using a megaphone) Attention everyone, stop what
you’re doing, we have a Code Red situation happening right now! (Almost
everyone casually looks up at Coworker 1; the rest continue with whatever it
was they were doing) We all just got an e-mail that Corporate is coming, and we are nowhere near
meeting regulatory requirements to pass any kind of inspection! Nowhere!
Near! Meeting!
Coworker
2: (At a nearby cubicle) Oh, that e-mail?
They probably won’t even come to this department.
Coworker
1: (Aims megaphone at Coworker 2) What kind of attitude is that to bring to the
workplace?! (Directs megaphone back to
the rest of the office) All right, employees!
We need a complete inventory and thorough policy review done, ASAP and
stat!
Coworker
3: (Standing up and walking away) I’m going for a coffee break – anyone wanna
join? (Ten others stand up and they all head for the break room)
Coworker
1: (Directing the megaphone at their backs and then in a sweeping 360° to
address the whole room) Does no one here comprehend the seriousness of the
situation?! Corporate, people, Cor-por-ate! Our work parents! Have any of you even thought within
the past two years to dust your workstations and disinfect every surface you
touch, hm? Or inspect the fire alarms and
the fire extinguishers? How many of you
keep food tucked away in the file cabinet drawers – forget that, are your files
even filed properly?!
Coworker
4: We have file cabinets? I just keep
everything on the server.
Coworker
1: And what is your back-up if the server crashes, I ask you?!
Coworker
4: Umm… the back-up server?
Coworker
1: And if that also crashes? Or
gets hacked? Or there’s a power surge
and gigabytes of data are just gone, all gone?!
Coworker
4: Umm…. Then I think the company’d have bigger problems by then and we’d
probably all be out of a job so what’s the point?
Coworker
1: Apathy! Sloth!
That’s what leads to chaos and ruin and empires falling!
Coworker
5: (Stands at desk) Hey everybody, it’s time for the downstairs receptionist’s
retirement party!
Coworker
6: Yay, cake! (Another 20 people leave)
Coworker
1: (Directing the megaphone at their backs) Wait a minute, you can’t leave now,
we haven’t even gotten our emergency procedure manual in order yet, it hasn’t
been updated in years! And that cake
better not have been sitting out for more than five minutes or else that’s a
violation of Section 33.A.17 of the Infection Control Policy!
Manager:
(Wearing shorts and a T-shirt, zooms over to Coworker 1’s cubicle in a scooter)
Hey, get down from there.
Coworker
1: Sorry. (Finally turns off the megaphone
and jumps down to the floor) Don’t you worry about the Corporate visit today: I’m
all over it.
Manager:
Yeah, about that – (Sips from a frozen drink) that e-mail was more of an FYI to
everybody just so you’re aware they’re coming today; we’ve already gone through
everything to make sure policies are updated and all that.
Coworker
1: Oh. But what about the lackadaisical behavior
I’m seeing all around me?
Manager:
The managers’ll handle Corporate when they get here, and everyone else knows to
be on their best behavior. They’ll get
here around 2:00, so maybe take the rest of the day off – there won’t be any
work for you to do then, and it won’t affect your internship if you do a half
day today.
Coworker
1: But how will I ever learn anything if I’m not immersed in all aspects of the
business milieu?
Manager:
(While zooming away) You’ll learn soon enough.
