Showing posts with label editor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label editor. Show all posts

Thursday, January 10, 2019

Story 271: The Tragedy of the Cut Scene


            (In an office, the Editor sits behind a desk as the phone buzzes)
            Editor: (Presses button) Yes?
           Receptionist: (Voiceover) They’re here – should I send them in or tell them you’ve been fired?
            Editor: The former, unfortunately.
            (The Author, Agent, and Ragtag Crew enter; the first two sit on chairs in front of the desk and the others sit all over the floor and remaining furniture)
            Editor: (After everyone has settled in) Do sit down.
          Author: All right, I know this won’t be a pleasure meeting since you insisted I bring all of them here.  (Gestures to the Ragtag Crew)
            Ragtag Crew: Yo!
            Editor: Yes, well, the team here at the publishing house has been reviewing your manuscript, and –
           Author: If you want your advance back you can forget it; this one made sure of that.  (Gestures to the Agent)
            Agent: Oh yeah, sweet moolah.
          Editor: No, we love your work, we really do – there’s just one stumbling block we keep running into every time we read it.
            Author: What, the typos?
            Editor: Since you brought it up, you really should have taken care of those before submission, you know.
            Author: Part of my charm.
          Editor: It really isn’t.  However, the stumbling block to which I’m referring is Chapter… (Flips through a proof) 109.  Specifically, the second half – the first half is pure genius.
          Author: Why, thank you.  (Takes the proof and skims the top page) Oh, you mean the flashback scene?
            Editor: (Holds back a grimace) Yes.  That.
            Author: I don’t get it; what’s wrong with it?
           Editor: How can I put this nicely: it absolutely kills the book.  (The Author’s mouth drops open and the Ragtag Crew hisses in union) Every time I get to that part, I want to chuck the whole thing out the window and into an incinerator.  And then perform an exorcism over the ashes, just to be sure.
            Author: (Unseeingly flips through the pages) But – but – but how can you say that?!  This is some of my best work, condensed into 99 pages of sheer bliss!
            Editor: (Leans over the desk to stare intently into the Author’s eyes) It has nothing to do with the rest of the plot.  You could literally slice that entire half-chapter out with a straight edge razor and no one would notice the difference.
            Author: (Disbelievingly) Oh really?
            Editor: Fine, maybe somebody would notice.  How about this: I got an actual migraine trying to figure out whose POV it was being told from, until after five reads I realized it was yours!
            Author: Yeah, isn’t that great?
            Editor: No it is not great; it is unreadable!  (Author, Agent, and Ragtag Crew gasp)
            Ragtag Crew Member: Blasphemy!
            Author: There is no other choice: the scene has to be cut.
            Author: (Stands and slams the 2,000+ page proof onto the table) Unacceptable!  My child will not be mutilated!
            Editor: It’s not even a full chapter.
            Author: Mutilated!
           Editor: We had a feeling you would react that way, so we created a list of ameliorations.  (Picks up a list from the desk and looks it over) Since there are elements of the scene that could be effective elsewhere, here are our proposals: (Points to one of the Ragtag Crew) Reveal of the Unknown Father should be relocated to the middle of Chapter 2 and then subdivided there and throughout Chapters 17-20 and then 99-105 –
            Author: Ugh!
          Editor: (Points to another of the Ragtag Crew) Dream Sequence should be real and should move to the Prologue –
            Author: The Prologue is sublimely perfect the way it is now!
           Editor: (Points to another of the Ragtag Crew) Surprise Unfaithful Lover should be Best Friend instead; figure out a way to incorporate the former’s personality into the latter’s –
            Author: (Metaphorically foams at the month and whispers) Monster.
           Editor: (Points to another of the Ragtag Crew) Oh, and Sudden Reversal also should subdivide so it can happen twice, once in Chapter 88 and another in Chapter 223.
            Author: (Points at that member of the Ragtag Crew as they stand) You will do no such thing!  (Ragtag Crew sits down again; to the Editor) You realize all that would entail months – no, years – of rewrites?!  I’d have to restructure the entire plot to accommodate this – this – cannibalization!
            (Ragtag Crew and the Agent shudder)
            Editor: We prefer the term “repurpose.”  And to answer your question: yes I do and yes it would.
            Author: Aha!
            Editor: Or you could just cut the scene.
            Author: (Stares coldly at the Editor) You foul fiend.  This was your diabolical plan all along, wasn’t it?!
            Editor: Why yes, I believe I made that quite clear several minutes ago.
            Author: (Collects injured dignity and motions for the Agent and Ragtag Crew to stand) Very well, then: you may have won the battle, but I will not rest until I find a way to make my darlings live on in another book, someday, somehow!
            Editor: (Begins writing a letter) That’s fine, do whatever you want, just get them out of this one.
            Author: Hmf!  (Turns to leave with the others; the Ragtag Crew console each other and sob)
            Editor: (Looks up) Oh, and while you’re at it, you might want to consider cutting this one, too – (Gestures to the Agent) absolute deadwood.
            Author: For once, we agree.
            Agent: Hey!
            Author: Have you contributed anything of substance to this scene?
            Agent: ….
            Author: I didn’t think so.