(In a gift shop)
Tourist 1: (Entering with Tourist 2) So, what’s so special about this place? It seems like the same-old, New Age-y, hippe-dippie tourist trap you find all over the world. (Suddenly sees Employee 1 nearby, staring at them) But the furnishings seem lovely.
Tourist 2: I read that this place is supposed to be at the exact center of The Vortex. (Spreads arms out as far as possible without hitting spinning racks of meditation CDs and dream catchers hanging from the ceiling) I can already feel my chakras aligning just by being in this sacred space.
Tourist 1: Seriously? I didn’t think you were into all that stuff.
Tourist 2: (Lowers arms) Then you don’t know me at all.
Tourist 1: (Grabs a deck of tarot cards from off a shelf) But really, what’s the deal with this specific place? I mean, what is The Vortex?
Employee 1: (Glides over as Tourist 1 puts the card deck back on the shelf) The Vortex, my friends, is the convergence of energies into this central location: by entering this confluence of forces, your spirit will be cleansed, your soul purified, and your aura illuminated.
Tourist 2: Wow.
Tourist 1: Uh-huh. So does that mean everything in here costs triple what we’d find in the same shop down the street? (Tourist 2 elbows Tourist 1)
Employee 1: (Mysteriously) You’ll never know what you’ll find in The Vortex…. I’ll be over here if you need me to look for anything in the store room. (Glides back to restocking stained glass hangings)
Tourist 1: You betcha.
Tourist 2: You’re so rude.
Tourist 1: Whatever: just don’t drop more than $20 in this place, is all I’m saying.
(They start browsing; on turning a corner, they nearly bump into Tourist 3)
Tourist 3: Oops, sorry.
Tourist 1: Nope, my fault: I didn’t take the corner wide enough.
(Tourist 1 and Tourist 3 suddenly stare at each other closely)
Tourist 3: This may sound weird, but… did you go to Main Street Elementary School in Centerville back in the 90s?
Tourist 1: Oh my gosh, you did, too?! Calculating Colossi 3rd grade math?!
Tourist 3: Yes! The classroom with the abacus?
Tourist 1: Yes!
Tourist 3: Oh my goodness, that was over 30 years ago!
Tourist 1: Yes – ! Ugh, don’t remind me.
Tourist 2: Not to mention, it’s about 10 states away from here.
Tourist 3: Absolutely! What’re the odds, huh?
Tourist 1: (Sees Employee 1 staring at them expectantly) Eh, probably bound to happen at some point in life; might as well be here.
Tourist 2: Or, it’s The –
Tourist 1: Don’t say it.
(Tourist 4 emerges from the back of the store carrying wind chimes, stops upon seeing the group, and points at Tourist 1)
Tourist 4: Weren’t you in my after-school group when you were a wee little thing?
Tourist 1: (Narrows eyes, then widens them in shock) Oh my gosh, you were my Den Leader for seven years! You taught us how to fly fish and how to bake bread!
Tourist 4: Yes, I was a full-service mentor.
Tourist 2: (To Tourist 1) What a small world.
Tourist 1: Yeah, uh, well, it – it happens.
(Employee 2 glides over to the growing group)
Employee 2: Hello, does anyone need any help – ? (Notices Tourist 1) Oh my stars, I haven’t see you in ages! How’ve you been?
Tourist 1: (Eyes widen even wider) Oh – my – gosh: you’re the kid I was supposed to go to prom with but I totally flaked off to play video games instead! (Winces) Really sorry about that – I was very immature back then.
Tourist 2: “Was”?
Employee 2: (Chuckles) It’s OK: as you can see, I’ve recovered from the social trauma. I actually wound up going with someone else that night, and we’ll be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary this year.
Tourist 1: Whoa, that’s amazing. And you both moved all the way out here?
Employee 2: Oh yeah, we just felt this calling, you know?
Tourist 1: I guess.
Tourist 3: I’m tellin’ ya, we’ve all been drawn here for this very moment!
Tourist 4: It does seem like Fate, doesn’t it?
Employee 1: (Glides over to stare intently at Tourist 1) Yes, doesn’t it?
Tourist 1: No it doesn’t! This is just a series of bizarre coincides that the laws of odds and averages make happen at one, singular, freaky moment in our lives, and – (Suddenly notices objects in a glass display case) and – and is that the seashell collection I lost when I was 5?!
(The group whirls around as a clock chimes the hour)
Tourist 1: (Gasps) My grandfather’s grandfather clock?!
(The group whirls around as the shop door opens and Tourist 5 enters)
Tourist 1: (Gasps) Mom??!!
Tourist 5: Yeah – I’ve been waiting in the car for over 15 minutes; are you two gonna get a move on or what?
Tourist 2: We will: we were just catching up with some old acquaintances here.
Tourist 5: (Takes in the group) Oh. You all do look vaguely familiar, but I’m too tired on this trip to play catch-up – bye. (Leaves the store)
(The group stare at each other)
Tourist 1: All y’all weren’t hired by some weirdo to play an elaborate trick on me, were you? (The rest shake their heads)
Tourist 3: I only came in here to use the bathroom – turns out there aren’t any for customers.
Tourist 2: I’m telling you, it’s The Vortex!
Employee 1: I’ll say: we’ve never had a convergence quite this massive before; I must note it in the store’s log.
Employee 2: You do that – you’re the only one who reads that thing anyway. (To Tourist 1) So this certainly was life-affirming and soul-impacting, wasn’t it?
Tourist 1: I have to admit, I’ve never had an experience quite like it; I’m low-key questioning reality right about now.
Employee 2: Enough to possibly buy back your long-lost seashell collection?
Tourist 1: Not that much.
